To feel embarrassed I don't have any bridesmaids

[Snappythecrocodile1]

Fiancé has 3 groomsmen so would look odd if I didn't have any wouldn't it? I've been a bridesmaid twice, in 2015 and 2019 but whilst I'm still friends with those two women, I wouldn't say we're close friends, not through my lack of trying. One of them has a 13 month-old daughter I've met once, the other has been with her new partner around 7 years and I've met him once. I couldn't tell you much around their day-to-day lives, see them once a year, twice at best even though we all live about an hour from each other.

So it sounds maybe petty but I feel odd asking them? I no longer consider them close friends so kind of think it'd just be asking them for the sake of it? I've got other female friends, wouldn't say super close friends and I've known them for about 3 years so would it be weird to ask? I genuinely have no idea.
No sisters. Many people have this down from day 1 and have that 'ride or die' friend they ask, I just don't have really close friends and feel a bit embarrassed because people keep asking me questions about my 'bridesmaids and MOH'
Assuming I've got any! It's a registry office and evening reception btw. I don't know what to do!

I didin’t have any and I’m still happily married 18 years later. I had a lovely day withiut the stress of having to tick every box in the conventional wedding list. My mother helped me get ready. I went to a wedding where bride had 5 or 6 bridesmaid sbd she was divorced a couple of months later. There really is no need.

Thank you, i just thought would it not seem odd having adult groomsmen but child bridesmaids? Or perhaps not

Taylor Swift has done you a massive favour here. She didn't have bridesmaids, why do you have to? I would actually say this to people 'I'm thinking about going down the Taylor Swift route and not having bridesmaids'

Why would you think that was odd.?

Did you read the thread where the woman was a bridesmaid and the poor woman had to be up at 6am to get her makeup done?! It was crazy. That's the way it seems to go nowadays. Obviously not everyone, but you get my drift. You're making your own choice, which is fine.

My cousin and I were the only bridesmaids at our Auntie’s wedding when we were 5 and 3. Her husband didn’t have any children in his family so there won’t have been any in his part of the wedding party. I’ve never thought of it as being odd.

I didn’t have bridesmaids at either of my weddings. I had friends and relatives but just didn’t bother.

It’s about marrying someone you love - not the optics for other people, who won’t worry anyway.

So, just do you.

I had the same experience as a bridesmaid, we then had to wait around for hours.

Awful.

It's your wedding, you can do whatever the heck you like.

I'm sad for you that you're so low on friends, and that the ones you do have you don't really like or know much?

Don't have bridesmaids for the sake of it.

You don't have to match his numbers.

It would be mean and pointless to tell him he can't have his groomsmen, I heartily disagree with that suggestion from some people.

I had loads of different very close friends when we got married (still do, not sure why I went past tense!) but I just had my sister and our toddler children in my bridal party. There are other ways for people to have roles through the day and be involved.

Of my closest friends and female relatives I had one do the flowers, two sang at the church, one at the reception, one designed our invitations, one made the cake, several helped decorate the venue, one did a reading, one let me borrow her veil, one did my nails, one made the edible wedding favours etc. Just because they didn't all wear the same dress on the day didn't mean they weren't an important part of the occasion.

I've never equated the number of bridesmaids to the number of friends someone has. One of my friends had 5 bridesmaids, her wife had 1 (her sister). Her wife has a lot of friends but she obviously preferred to only have her sister and didn't feel the need to 'match' and have several.

You don’t have to have bridesmaids, but I do agree that visually it’ll look odd if your groom has groomsmen and you’re having an otherwise fairly traditional wedding.

i would consider if there are any of these friendships you see fairly regularly that you’d like to give the opportunity to. Some people never have a best friend, but friendships you value and you enjoy the company of are good too.

around 6 years ago someone I considered an acquaintance invited me to their hen do and whole wedding. I was surprised because I guess I didn’t realise our friendship held that value to them. I went, had a lovely time and the friendship deepened. We’ve become closer and have since had weekends away etc together.

I’m older and had two relatives that were little girls and didn’t even consider adults. Until recently it was also just a best man, groomsmen are probably an American import.

I have been a bridesmaid when I was 9, loved it and then again a Matron of Honour when I was 49, the only attendant in a very elegant navy evening gown. I spent the morning trying to sort out the wedding cake due to an issue with the pillars. Ended up a stacked wedding cake with me covering the mishap with fresh flowers, looked lovely actually. That’s the bridesmaid you want as an adult someone who has your back. She had also lost weight from stress and excitement so her dress was too big, safety pins and her boobs engulfing me at one point sorted it out. We still laugh about it a decade later.

Why do you need bridesmaids if you're getting married in a register office? There's nothing for them to do. You don't make a grand entrance, you presumably won't be wearing a train they have to faff with.
If anything, your fiancé is being a bit ridiculous with his 3 groomsmen. Again, there's nothing for them to do.
Do remember also there are strict rules about numbers in register offices and they include any photographers and officiaries.
I really don't understand why you should be embarrassed to not have any bridesmaids. I didn't and it really didn't occur to me that I needed to, especially given it was in a register office. Likewise, my husband didn't have a best man. If people ask, the answer is simply "I'm not having any".

I think your DH to be is being a bit insensitive having three groomsmen and not checking in with you on your arrangements for bridesmaids. I can understand you feeling a bit awkward about it. Personally, I'd ask any female cousins and any younger girls in the family. Otherwise, don't worry too much. If anyone does ask, don't take it as a personal attack. It's much more likely an innocent question with no assumptions/ accusations attached. Hope you have a wonderful day!

This is something you should decide together. I only wanted one bridesmaid so my husband agreed to have one groomsman. He has one brother so it worked out well.

I didn’t have any bridesmaids. I did think about some little flower girls but it just seemed more like showing off rather than something I really wanted to do so skipped it in the end. Still married ok 16 years later!

Are there family children? That’s the way I went because trying to pick out of my friends with the way the ‘friend groups’ are, I’d have had too many.

You certainly won't be "letting your DH down" by not matching his groomsmen. But I'd be having a word with him about how your registry office wedding is going to look. Why does he need to have "groomsmen" in the first place? Why not have no wedding party at all? His friends can be there as witnesses. It's putting you in an awkward position for no real reason. There is no rule that says wedding parties have to be certain sizes, especially not registry ones.

I’d go with the cousins, that’s what families are for. Explain since you don’t have sisters you’d love them to step in. Bet they’ll be delighted.

This is a lovely idea.

You don’t need bridesmaids, you’re an independent person, do it your way!
Personally I don’t see the need for groomsmen, nor a best man.

If you’re closer friends with men, why not have them as “brides-men”? Or have a chat with your partner about it looking a bit uneven and see if there are any younger ones in the family who could be bridesmaids or page boys?

This should be an alarm signal for you to start investing in friendships. You have no friends. It's not healthy to rely on your boyfriend for absolutely everything. It may be all nice and chill now but it will bite you in the arse in 10-20 years time.

My nephew's wife didn't have bridesmaids and she has loads of friends and a barn wedding with 100 guests. (Think she wanted all the attention, but...) A register office wedding really doesn't require bridesmaids.