To feel embarrassed I don't have any bridesmaids

[Snappythecrocodile1]

Fiancé has 3 groomsmen so would look odd if I didn't have any wouldn't it? I've been a bridesmaid twice, in 2015 and 2019 but whilst I'm still friends with those two women, I wouldn't say we're close friends, not through my lack of trying. One of them has a 13 month-old daughter I've met once, the other has been with her new partner around 7 years and I've met him once. I couldn't tell you much around their day-to-day lives, see them once a year, twice at best even though we all live about an hour from each other.

So it sounds maybe petty but I feel odd asking them? I no longer consider them close friends so kind of think it'd just be asking them for the sake of it? I've got other female friends, wouldn't say super close friends and I've known them for about 3 years so would it be weird to ask? I genuinely have no idea.
No sisters. Many people have this down from day 1 and have that 'ride or die' friend they ask, I just don't have really close friends and feel a bit embarrassed because people keep asking me questions about my 'bridesmaids and MOH'
Assuming I've got any! It's a registry office and evening reception btw. I don't know what to do!

One thing my wedding taught me that I have carried through my life since is to do things the way you want to do them. So if you dont want bridesmaids then dont, if he still wants 3 groomsmen, fine. If you want to just go for a meal with your nearest and dearest at a local restaurant, do that! It doesnt have to be the way society has come to dictate it should be. That goes for life generally, not just weddings.

It is about you and your fiance and the start of your married life together, no one else. Do it your way!

If you have close male friends, could you not have a Man of honour instead of a Maid of honour? Could their kids be bridesmaids/page boys/flower girls?

That's probably what I'd do as most of my friends are male.

I would ask the woman who had the baby to be flower girl.
who do you want with you getting ready? Ask her? If no one then ask no one.

it’s quite worrying you don’t have close friends though what if something happens to your husband. I would really focus on this as a priority.

I think this is one of these occasions where you give yourself permission to say “let them”. If someone wonders why you don’t have bridesmaids…let them. Enjoy your wedding day as you want
to, you won’t regret staying true to yourself and not “conjuring” up bridesmaids because that’s what others do. If your fiance wants to have 3
groomsmen, that’s lovely. You don’t, and that’s lovely. And congratulations 🥂

Why contort yourself (and potentially put yourself in debt!) to magic up some women to stand by your side while you say your vows to your DH? It's not at all compulsory and many many marriages are held where it's just the bride and groom and a witness or two. It's a pact you are making with your partner, not with society or friends. Stop worrying about it or trying to "fix" it. And if you're going to be uncomfortable because your partner will have 3 grooms, tell him that. He doesn't need to be doing that either. If they're his genuine friends, and they want to attend the wedding as guests or witnesses, fine. Or let him have 3 grooms and so be it. It certainly won't invalidate your wedding or place some sort of permanent social stigma over it or you. Have a lovely wedding whatever you decide.

I didn’t have bridesmaids OP. I knew my sisters would hate it, and I couldn’t be faffed with getting friends trussed up in matching dresses. DH had three groomsmen. Honestly I don’t think anyone even noticed!

I barely see my cousins, but they were my bridesmaids. Nothing wrong with that.

I had 5 bridesmaids, my husband only had his best man and it was fine, no one mentioned it. It was COVID tho so bridesmaids went down the aisle before me and had to remain seated for the ceremony so it didn't look odd when doings vows as only me and hubs were stood up. Best man had to sit down too so maybe do that? Have them sit for the ceremony?

Gosh I had no bridesmaids and DH had groomsmen (best man and another) I never thought twice about it. I had female friends and relatives I could have asked but it would have been tricky to choose who, so I had
none. We just did what we preferred.

Do you actually want bridesmaids or are you only worried about how it will look? If the latter then I really wouldn’t worry - nobody will be counting up and judging .

I've never been a bridesmaid. I'll volunteer ❤️

Societal & parental pressure, meant I caved to the pressure of a large Greek wedding and zillions of little bridesmaids & pageboys of relatives, half of whom I no longer see. Honestly do what you like.

Or if you feel you must, ask your cousins, as your nearest female relatives or little ones who will always look cute, (any pretty dress will do), or your dd sister.

But a registry office do really needs only needs 2 witnesses, no bridesmaids and no groomsmen, who are ushers anyway.

You don’t need ushers in a registry office, your df is being a bit of an idiot here really, it’s not a church!

I was 35 when I got married & didn’t have any bridesmaids.
My 18-moth old son was there & I didn’t think it was necessary to have any more distant family or friends playing a fake role!

If you have close male friend(s), why not ask them to be a bridesman/man of honour? Don't ask people you're not close to.

Who will be witnessing your signature? Can you ask them?

Really you need to chat with your fiancé about this, tell him you feel uncomfortable with you not having anyone. Hopefully he'll understand and maybe reduce his groomsmen.

Just say, "It's a small registry office ceremony, no bridesmaids. We're putting the money into the reception."

I got married in a registry office & we paid for 2 witnesses. No guests. No music. Nothing.
My dh family are all alcoholics and mine are all lunatics. They'd have ruined it. I had no real friends to ask to be witnesses or bridemaids neither. This was in 2003 the whole thing cost us under £150. Regardless of if we spent £150 or £150k the outcome was the same. My colleague had a bridesman (her best friend) rather than a bridesmaid. Your day will be perfect i'm sure of it xxx

The issue here is why is your DH to be having 3 groomsmen at a registry office wedding! That's what is making this weird. You absolutely don't need to have bridesmaids...but I would think one close female friend or family member for you if your DP is having someone/three! Just someone to keep you company, check your hair and make-up and be with you before you get married.

Is there anyone you've confided about this with in real life? Anyone you trust who would be understanding and kind enough to step up? It's weird isn't it...it's like you're sticking a pin on someone as a bestie when that isn't something that is natural for you.

A lot of people don't have bridesmaids, especially if it's not a church wedding. I would say don't worry about it and just tell people you didn't want to have them.

It’s REGISTER office. Not Registry.

<misses point and skulks off to Pedants’ Corner>

I think it is Registrars office if we are being picky ! Or Registration.

Please don’t worry too much, I’ve recently been to a registry office wedding where there were no bridesmaids or groomsmen and it was lovely.
I can see that you are more worried about the inconsistency with your fiancé having groomsmen - does he really need 3? Either way I wouldn’t give it too much thought, there is no need to adhere to these traditions if you don’t want to. If you are quite content with your life as it is, don’t worry about that either. Just be you.

why thousands? You've gone from having none to apparently having thirty if you think you need to spend that much! There are hundreds of bridesmaid style dresses at debenhams, asos etc for well under £100, some much cheaper. But if you ask someone to wear a specific dress, yes you have to pay for it. The fact someone expected you to pay for yours is irrelevant, she was wrong. If you don't want to pay, let them wear their own dresses.

I would do as a pp suggested, ask one or two cousins/nieces/young family members and if anyone asks why you didn't ask friends say it would cause ructions to try and decide between them so it was easier to just have family.

Not at all! Lots of people only choose to have children. My friend recently got married and only had her niece (I did a reading and signed the register). I don't think anyone wondered why she only had a child, it was just cute seeing them both together in white dresses 🤷‍♀️

I went to another wedding this year with no bridesmaids at all. The bride said it would be too hard to choose who to ask and didn't want to risk offending various friends and family who didn't make the cut.

Please don't let this ruin your excitement. Whatever you do, people will only think it's weird if you act like it's weird by over explaining.

Yes, that was me second time around. No fuss or anything unnecessary.

I was getting married, that was the important bit, and sharing it with those I wanted to.

And as OP is getting married in a RO, she needs to consider numbers as they can often only accommodate a set number of people. Not having bridesmaids may mean she can invite others to the ceremony.

Ask the lady with the 13 month old, then you get two for the price of one!

I married with no bridesmaids as I didn't want them - they just clutter up the place. My best mate was my matron of honour, and my partner had a few grooms men I think as he has a ton of friends, but they mostly stayed out of the way. What is the point of flower girls anyway?? If you're happy with no bridesmaids then don't have them. Do what you want to do. People won't remember in a few months anyway.