To feel embarrassed I don't have any bridesmaids

[Snappythecrocodile1]

Fiancé has 3 groomsmen so would look odd if I didn't have any wouldn't it? I've been a bridesmaid twice, in 2015 and 2019 but whilst I'm still friends with those two women, I wouldn't say we're close friends, not through my lack of trying. One of them has a 13 month-old daughter I've met once, the other has been with her new partner around 7 years and I've met him once. I couldn't tell you much around their day-to-day lives, see them once a year, twice at best even though we all live about an hour from each other.

So it sounds maybe petty but I feel odd asking them? I no longer consider them close friends so kind of think it'd just be asking them for the sake of it? I've got other female friends, wouldn't say super close friends and I've known them for about 3 years so would it be weird to ask? I genuinely have no idea.
No sisters. Many people have this down from day 1 and have that 'ride or die' friend they ask, I just don't have really close friends and feel a bit embarrassed because people keep asking me questions about my 'bridesmaids and MOH'
Assuming I've got any! It's a registry office and evening reception btw. I don't know what to do!

Are there any children either side? Nieces, cousins etc? Ask them. Then it’s “oh, that’s very sweet she’s asked DP’s niece to be a bridesmaid / flower girl.”

Which people put pressure on you?

I don’t have any close friends. I had my sister and my husband’s sister as bridesmaids, who I’m not close to either, but I felt I should include them because they’re family. My husband has friends but felt uncomfortable asking anyone to be a groomsman so just had his brother as best man and that’s it. Not everyone has loads of friends they would feel comfortable asking.

For our UK wedding at the registry we didn't have "best men" or "bridesmaids". We had witnesses to sign the registry, our mums + a friend. I only have 1 "best friend" who luckily could come, but if not I would have asked any of my day to day friends, most of them from work.

I have been asked to be witness at the registry from friends I didn't know for long, and didn't find that weird at all. It was mostly that i was available that day, living in that city, and they enjoyed my company for dinner!

I think these things are only "weird" if you make them.

Have bridesmen then (or whatever you want to call them). The social expectation that people's closest friends have to be of their own sex is ridiculous.

I didn't have bridesmaids per se. I actually felt more comfortable calling them my best man and best woman (while DH also had a best woman). We didn't have a traditional ceremony so none of them were fulfilling traditional roles, they were sort of token positions because we wanted our closest friends involved. They basically did readings, sorted a couple of logistics out, sorted out an afterparty, were there when either of us had a stressed moment. No pouffy dresses or cringe speches or weird gendered stag/hen parties. Lovely time had by all.

You are getting married in a Register Office. You only require 2 witnesses.. what are Groomsmen going to be doing! Weddings these days are completely ridiculous. Hen parties,Stag Parties. Someone else has a post saying she's embarrassed she hadn't got 100 people to put on the guest list.

It would be unusual for a registry office wedding to have groomsmen and bridesmaids wouldn’t it?!
None of the registry office ones I’ve been to have. My own registry office wedding didn’t, we were put in a room together (bride and groom) to check information and make sure no one was being dragged there against their will and then we walked into the main room together when our guests were already seated.
The church weddings and barn/outdoor/hotel locations have had a bridal party, but most registry office places are quite small with limited guests.

I’m sorry if I’ve missed this @Snappythecrocodile1 but have you actually spoken to your fiancé about this, and how you feel? You’re worried you’re letting him down and say you don’t want bridesmaids anyway, but I’m sure he won’t feel you’re letting him down at all (and if he does, well that’s its own problem)! You need to speak to him, honestly, and just let him know what’s been going round and round in your head and clearly bothering you, and it’s likely you’re worrying for nothing.

I'll do it OP!!!

Don't worry about that OP, you need to plan your wedding. I am sure you are capable of dressing yourself. So what if people winder why you don't have bridesmaids. What matters is your relationship and having a nice day.

One groom I know had three best people, two of whom were women. It didn't work having the three, but there we are.

Another work colleague had a best woman. Seriously, have male friends being bridesmen. It's YOUR wedding.

I think a lot of people might pick bridesmaids with less thought than you are putting into this. You are judging friendships on how deep/meaningful the connection is, others might just pick a couple of people closest to them or who look the part. I think it's fine to have no bridesmaids - it's a good way to save money. Equally nothing wrong with your fiance having 3 groomsmen.
do you have any closer male friends? You could have a 'Man of Honour' or just add them into the groomsmen mix. Please don't feel pressured to conform to any nonsense rules others try to impose. This is your day, and chance to do exactly what works for you.

We had a registry office wedding and we just had a witness each. My husband’s witness was his female friend. If you have close friends but they happen to be men, you can have them as your brides-men (don’t see why not). You don’t have to have anyone, but I can see how you could feel off if he has 3 guys and you’re alone. I wouldn’t worry about ruining things for your fiance - one would think that if you’re getting married he knows you well enough to know you don’t have close friends you could ask (but then those 3 groomsmen should have been a conversation asking for your input in my head). Possibly, think of who you’d like to have next to you when you say: “yes”- is your mum your friend? Anyone else you’re close to? I assume you have a witness - can they stand with you? I agree with someone above saying that 3 groomsmen in a registry office can quite fill up the space (but obviously fine, if that’s what he wants).

Yes this, if he knows your predicament then 3 groomsmen seem excessive, and is a bit clumsy, could you ask your friends who you were bridesmaid for not everyone has that close female friendshps but have someone they could ask

i didn't have Bridesmaids as such I had my young Dd as a flower girl and a witness to sign the wedding certificate.

Ill be your bridesmaid! Ill turn up and gush about how long we have known each other and how much i adore you. You can say "who Moose? Ive known her since forever" ill even buy my own dress 🤣🤣🤣

So the one you were a bridesmaid for in 2019, is she the one with the 13 month old? Were you close to her at the time you were a bridesmaid? I’d ask her.

Next - pick one of your friends from your group you’ve been friendly with for the last 3 years, ask her.

does your DP have any female relatives, a cousin perhaps? Ideally a teen who the family would love to see be asked. If not, ask another of your more recent friends.

Finally when are you getting married? Is it more than 6 months away? Would the 13 month old also like to be a bridesmaid with her mum? (Ok that’s then 4 but would look cute!)

I was at a wedding where they had best girl (grooms sister) and brides man the brides best friend, is that something you could do?

I didn't have any bridesmaids. I don't think anyone really cares. It's your day op do whatever you want to.

Make sure it's big and with a huge pouffy skirt. Oh, and charge the hairdresser and makeup artist to her 😉

I had my cousins (I only have 2 both female) despite their ages; one had just turned 18 and the other was 14. At the end of the day, my husband out numbered me for everything, but I got lucky.
Are you close to your grandmothers? Or your mum!

My Dd had cousins as hers,

Who are you planning to use as witnesses? You can use other relatives for this like mums / dads / grandparents... it doesn't have to be friends.

I didn't have bridesmaids and I don't think you are required to have any. I would see the "groomsmen" as more instrumental in the organisation of the day (making sure that people are directed to the right places etc) whereas bridesmaids are more about supporting you (although I've known bridesmaids do the general supporting role as well).

If you did want to have some, I think it's totally ok to ask your fiance's sister (as this would be traditional to have her as bridesmaid anyway), have a "bridesman" or ask one of the female friends that you like even if you are not super close. People can always say they don't want to do it.

Is there a little girl / flower girl you can ask - a daughter of someone- it would make her day and might fill the gap you are feeling and noticing ?

I wouldn’t care at all about bridesmaids, but I think @Holgen makes a strong point. Marriage (the fact of living within a marriage) may throw up all sorts of new pressures and issues. Some you will have anticipated, others may be totally unexpected. In those circumstances you need to be in a position where your new spouse is not the only person to whom you look for support, fellow feeling, friendship. Otherwise you’ll be too dependent on them - which doesn’t always end well.

Each of us makes a better partner if we have other important people in our lives.