Hubbys job at risk because of family

[Pickybitsheatwave]

DH trusted his brother with his Clubcard employee card. He gave it to his partner to use as she was doing the food shops. She’s been caught twice stealing with a trolley full and hubby is now being investigated at work. Apparently BIL knew she had a habit with stealing as he already pre warned her not to use the card if she is going to be stealing. I should add that they are very comfortable and don’t need to be stealing. She is the other woman and I have never been able to gel with her. Now i can’t bare the thought of being around her even more. DH is in a management role so i can imagine they are going to take this very seriously.

I feel like DH is downplaying it all because he doesn’t want to rock the boat but I am fuming!!!

Am I over reacting? Hubby says he didn’t want to tell me because he knew I’d over react. She’s potentially put my husband at risk of losing his job.

She’s potentially put my husband at risk of losing his job

Nope. Your DH has done that. Providing his own card to non-household family members to use is what has put his job at risk, not her stealing. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t agree with stealing, but you seem to be conflating two entirely separate issues.

Yes. Unless the other couple want to cop to a stealing a document charge (which they probably won't) he would be better not to go there. Police will interview them all and will see through any lies especially when the other couple have the same story.

This is normal everywhere. My son is not even allowed to serve me at his workplace. This is in New Zealand.

I work retail, they don’t take things like this lightly. Especially with mangers. It’s gross misconduct. I’ve seen fabulous mangers let go over similar mistakes and errors. When it comes to theft is gross misconduct. There just following procedure right now but he will likely be sacked!

Yes. I would be very wary of allowing sil into my home. You just know things would go missing.

Essentially it’s your DH who has broken the rules in the first place as his discount card is being abused. Yes he has probably got caught because of her stealing, but ultimately he’s got caught breaking the rules and could well be dismissed for serious misconduct.

This

Yes YABU firstly for saying 'hubby' and secondly for blaming someone else for your husband's lack of common sense.

Someone I know was fired for gross misconduct from Sainsbury’s for lending out his discount card. The person using it wasn’t stealing either. Sorry OP but I would be very worried as well.

A lot of shoplifters pay for some of their items in an attempt to disguise the theft.

The employee discount card is for your husband to use only for his household. He can order a card for you but it isn’t meant to be used by any other person. A manager at Tesco would be well aware of all this and what the consequences of miss use are.

My DH works in retail and that would be a sackable offence. His only hope might be if she falls on her sword and says she stole the card. But if your DH’s employer gets the police involved, she’s going to tell the truth and he’ll be in even worse trouble.

I know it’s easy to blame her and her sticky fingers, but your DH isn’t a 16 yr old Saturday boy. He’d have been fully aware of the consequences for lending out his card. This is on him. DH has got me my own card as his wife, but made it very clear the trouble he’d be in if I let anyone else use it. It’s really drummed into them.

I think you need to start preparing your budget for the fact you’re going to be down on his salary. Has he got his CV up to scratch? He needs to start applying for jobs now. He can always turn them down if they don’t sack him, but it’s pretty tough out there, job wise.

Can your DH say he wasn’t aware they still had the card?

I work for another supermarket. They are very strict and very clear, about who’s allowed to use our employee discount card. It’s literally only family in your own household/your partner. Anything else can and probably will, get you sacked.

Clearly, your BIL and his missus are scummy people for stealing. But your husband is to blame for loaning out his employee discount card in the first place. I’d be angrier with him as he has almost definitely lost his job for that alone.

Edit to show the quote I’m replying to, as you keep changing your post: Can they not check the CCTV to see the thief?

That’s not why his job is at risk…
He’s knowingly handed over his staff discount card which is intended for his use only. If it was just the shoplifting they’d probably just remove his staff discount benefits. But he’s given his card to other people, specifically a thief.

Nomas, I’m not really sure you’ve grasped what’s happening here. It’s not pointless drama at all.

The issue isn’t that this woman stole. It’s that the OP’s DH shouldn’t have lent them his card to start with. It’s gross misconduct.

OP, if I were your husband’s employer, I also wouldn’t be happy about you writing about an internal matter on a public forum.

The woman has a trolley of 20 items but she’s only put through 10 on the self service and she’s also used the discount card. So she’s got 10 heavily discounted items, but also 10 she’s stolen. It’s a common theft technique to pay for some items and steal others so that you’re not just walking out of the shop with an armful of stuff you haven’t paid for. You put some through and pay so that your whole trolley appears to have been paid for.

OP you’re not overreacting, you know very well that your husband is underreacting, likely because he realises what the inevitable will be and he knows you’ll go ape shit, and rightly so. I don’t know what the solution is, other than to tell him absolutely straight that if he gets any whiff of this being a dismissal (which it seems is quite likely although I don’t have any experience of this so I wouldn’t know) he really needs to resign before he’s sacked and negotiate that they’ll provide a reference for another job.

You’re not wrong for being upset at your BIL and SIL - they sound hideous and I really hope they understand what their actions have cost you. I doubt I’d be able to forgive them for this, and I suspect it would also ruin my relationship with my husband too because I’d struggle to get over how getting BIL a bit of cheap stuff was more important to him than his job security.

He should say she took it without his permission

Which would be a lie and further worsen his position.

Your DH has put his own job at risk (not your SIL). Your DH should never have given his brother the card because according to the rules the card is for him not other family members. I understand why you are annoyed with SIL and she shouldn’t be stealing, but it’s down to your DH giving his card to them.

No buts. This is totally on your DH.

He must’ve known. No one has a chat saying don’t steal unless they know the person steals. No way should he have shared his card with them. Shows v poor judgement.

It’s not at risk due to family. It’s at risk due to him. He did something he wasn’t allowed to do.

So your DH assisted with the first theft (inappropriate use of the discount) and she is responsible for the second theft: is that what you are meaning?

I'm sorry op: I think DH carries some of the blame here.