Hubbys job at risk because of family

[Pickybitsheatwave]

DH trusted his brother with his Clubcard employee card. He gave it to his partner to use as she was doing the food shops. She’s been caught twice stealing with a trolley full and hubby is now being investigated at work. Apparently BIL knew she had a habit with stealing as he already pre warned her not to use the card if she is going to be stealing. I should add that they are very comfortable and don’t need to be stealing. She is the other woman and I have never been able to gel with her. Now i can’t bare the thought of being around her even more. DH is in a management role so i can imagine they are going to take this very seriously.

I feel like DH is downplaying it all because he doesn’t want to rock the boat but I am fuming!!!

Am I over reacting? Hubby says he didn’t want to tell me because he knew I’d over react. She’s potentially put my husband at risk of losing his job.

And a “charge” of gross misconduct 🤣

My son works for a ‘budget’ supermarket, it was his job at Uni and he’s stayed there, but ported the job to our local branch. He won’t let us even touch his discount card.

She is the other woman and I have never been able to gel with her.

Other woman?

I would advise your husband not to report it as stolen to the police or Tesco or he could be in a lot more trouble then losing his job. Whilst he didn't lend it directly to his SIL, he lent it to his brother who lent it to SIL which was entirely predictable when he was daft enough to lend it out and is not theft.

Seriously? Adding lies into what is already a shit situation is really not the way to go.

Why on Earth did BIL even have your DH’s discount card? He’s made a huge error of judgement to allow anyone else to use his card.

If DH loses his job over this, I would struggle to stay married to a man who put his brother and thief partner above his wife and children’s financial security.

Who is we?! And what manual?!

Snitch 😂😂😂

I’ve just listened to the voice notes! And I’m so embarrassed by DH (in the weakest little voice) telling his brother he might have to stop using it now 🤮🤮🤮

He’s downplayed it all to me.

As someone that works in HR and has been involved in plenty of disciplinary processes please for the love of God tell him not to lie. Going in there with some made up story of BIL stealing the card is going to make him look like a complete idiot and will be an excuse they've heard a hundred times before.

As others have said, there is "by the book" and there's a pragmatic approach that an employer may take if someone is an otherwise good employee and hasn't been in any bother before. It's obviously never guaranteed but it tends to work out better if someone holds their hands up, admits they've messed up and says it'll never happen again or suggests ways they can make amends.

I think this is pretty textbook gross misconduct if they want to sack him but he'll have a better chance of keeping his job if he says "I'm really sorry, I wasn't thinking and realise I've totally messed up here. I will repay the money and you can take my discount card off me."

YANBU, OP. I feel so sorry for your DH, he was clearly just trying to help his brother’s family out and hadn’t got round to getting them a card. I hope he gets off with just a warning.

This is excellent advice. He needs to tell the truth - he was trying to help her out.

My advice would be to leave DH. It doesn't sound like you have much respect for him regardless of the issue at hand

I used to work in a Co op and one of the ladies gave her adult son her family card and he was working all over the country and using it everywhere for him and his workmates saving quite significant amounts. Management investigated and she was very lucky to keep her job but they did take her card from her. If she had been management she would have been gone.

If your DH says the SIL stole the card, they will check every time she used it.
Then they will check to see if anyone else used it after the first time he used it.
If you or your DH used it between the times, then they will know it wasn’t stolen.
Additionally they may very well ask why he didn’t report it to them as stolen at the time. Then he’s in trouble for dishonesty as well.

I am so sorry he has behaved like this. It’s very worrying for you.

It’s highly likely your husband has broken the rules - he shouldn’t be sharing his card with anyone! That’s on him.
His brother obviously can’t be trusted based purely on the fact he is with ‘the other woman’ which tells us he was a liar / can’t be trusted.

Mistress to the brother in law

Indeed. It looks as though he already has form for betraying someone who trusted him.

I have sympathy for the OP but nobody else. Her 'D'H was so focused on helping out his family members when he was putting his job at risk, but he forgot about the needs of his closest family - his wife and children.

As is so often the case, @Pickybitsheatwave , you have a DH problem.
Followed by BIL and SIL problems.

But DH is the biggest problem (and please stop referring to him as 'hubby', such an vomit-inducing term).

As a manager, DH would be well aware of the consequences of letting someone else use his card.
And the legal remedy was available - apply for a card for his brother!

BIL was an idiot for giving the card to his wife, who he KNEW shoplifted.

And SIL is an idiot and a criminal - shoplifting and using your DH's card at the same time.
(I hate shoplifters - they are, effectively, stealing from US, as shops pass on their losses to consumers in the form of higher prices).

In effect, your DH has stolen from his employer, by allowing someone to use his discount card.
That is gross misconduct.
I think he will be lucky to keep his job.

And still all he can say to his DB is "you might have to stop using it"!
How has he not already demanded it back?!

She’s my husband’s potentially put my husband himself at risk of losing his job

There, fixed it for you 👌🏼

Very good advice. If this doesn’t work, he must try resigning if possible.

I have worked for the company in question and known several cases - at least one kept their job, because they were apologetic, humble, and honest with a good record.

What a totally stupid way to lose your job. Dad of three 🤦‍♀️
Gameofjones is right

It's highly unlikely that the employee card is allowed to be shared with another household. Usually a second card is strictly for a spouse/parent within the same household.

I'd say once they see how the OP's husband was routinely lending it out against policy, and particularly to thieves, they'll use 'gross misconduct' to get rid of a manager involved with those who steal from the shop.

Yeah, that makes sense! I'm blaming the heat and lack of sleep! 🤦🏼‍♀️😂

What a catch though.

Hope it all works out for the best OP! 🤞

I used to handle these types of cases.

Her stealing and other actions of hers are irrelevant to the case. Your DH isn’t expected to telepathically control the actions of others.

His card is for his personal use. He isn’t supposed to pass it round. At the tills, they are entitled to do an ID check whenever someone is using the discount.

I dismissed someone precisely for that, giving his card to someone else to use, who was then identified in the shop as not being the cardholder. The fact that the card had a male name and was presented by a female of course triggered an additional check, but the actions leading to this disciplinary are your DH’s.

I know a number of senior managers with similar discount cards, eg 90% off Pret. We keep joking about sharing our discounts around in a small group but it’s funny because we all clearly know it’s a sackable offence. It’s not ‘everyone does it’, it’s widely known in the industry to amount to gross misconduct.

I’m sorry about the situation your DH finds himself in but your anger is misdirected.

My sister works for booker, she’s a senior manager. (Same company as Tesco now) and she cannot give anyone her discount card. You can order a family card, but this has to be for a named individual (like a spouse) but this cannot be transferred between people either.
We can tell her what we want and she pays for it with her bank or credit card and the discount and we pay her back with cash/sweet treats/tank full of petrol/free babysitters /etc.

You’ve got two lots of potential gross misconduct here. Sharing the card and the shoplifting. I think your DH needs to be potentially prepared for disciplinary action here.

I’m so sorry, I would be beyond furious
I hope everything is ok for you all