To think the daily routine is impossible. Disgusting house

[ComeOnNowww]

I want help! People's tips. I don't understand how people manage. I live in a fairly large old house.

This is my weekday routine

7am wake
7.30 - 8.30 getting kids ready for school (primary)
8.30 - 9.30 rush to office or back home to wfh.
9.30 - 5 work my arse off. Back to back meetings
5.30 pick up kids from after school
6 - 7 dinner
7 - 8 bath, bed
8 - 9 constantly put kids back to bed. Feel like tearing my hair out
9 - 9.30 basic tidy, dishwasher, check uniforms
9.30 - 10.30 try to do bits but in all honesty drink a wine and watch telly

My house is disgusting. I mean real mess. - my bathrooms are gross, dust everywhere. Im sprinting to stay still. Just about keep the show on the road but dusting, hoovering, proper cleans so hard to do

At the weekend, i do what i can. But all boys - primary school - and theyre so hyper. If I dont take them out they're out of control

What are other women doing? I dont know how womens homes look normal when they have young kids and work FT. My house is bad enough so id be embarrassed to let somone pop round. No parents. Husband MIA.

Practical tips? I feel like im missing something.

In addition to my wholly unhelpful post - I think ruthless decluttering is the only way! Less stuff = less stuff to put away. If you can get to a point where you're not simply fire fighting, then you implement a system (ie. 6.30-7am: 10 mins - sweep of house/ rubbish collection - 5 min bathroom clean. 3 mins put a wash on. 3 mins stack dishwasher. 5min wipe kitchen surfaces/ mop. 4 mins make beds)

Some people find timers work?

My house is so grim I never get to a point of being able to implement a system I should add! It's very depressing.

I work long shifts in the middle of the week and so I spent 3 hours cleaning on my non-work days so the weekend is free and the house is like a showhome. And even then there are still jobs to do. And that excludes basic stuff like daily laundry and cleaning the kitchen to a basic hygienic standard.

At least one morning of the weekend is usually spent decluttering, garden work, tip run or charity shop drop off.

I'm telling you this so you have a realistic picture of how long it takes to have an immaculate home- it's not feasible you can have that with a half hour clean here and there, so be kind to yourself about what will work for your life and what is achievable.

My suggestion is to make a list showing two things: things that must happen and how long they will take. So resting, that is non-negotiable. Plan it in. Then clip off your smaller jobs. Toilets for example. Give each a good clean, just the toilets, and then use the toilet brush after every use so it doesn't get really dirty again. That buys you time if you realistically won't clean them properly for a month. Buy liquid handsome and pop a squirt in and brush to freshen it up.

It's always easier to clean something that isn't dirty (toilets for example, are easier when you aren't breaking through layers of dust, showers without mould etc) so pick a big job and focus on making it clean and keeping it clean. ASTONISH anti mould in the shower is great.

Make use of Netflix with headphones and sitcom re-runs.

Don't underestimate the time to clean, especially if your house is dirty. Your list is not going to say "Bathroom- 20 minutes", it's going to say "Shower- 20 mins. Sink - 5 minutes, Toilet- 5 minutes, Bath- 5 minutes, Floor- 15 mins (to hoover and mop), Doors and tiles, 10 minutes, Skirting- 5 minutes"

And add more time if you have bathroom shelves or multiple products that aren't packed away in in units because they get slimy and dusty.

Use all of a product before starting another so you dont have 15 different bottles to move around, that inevitable have collected slimy water and spill on your floor and create a new job.

When you have 5 minutes, pick a 5 minute job.

Get the kids involved in good habits. Our phrase is "don't put it down, put it away." The amount of times my 9yo hears it, the message is slowly sinking in 😆 It used to be followed with threats of "if that's not in the right place when I come up and check, it's going in the bin" but now she finishes the sentence 😆

I think a lot of time is being wasted in the evening. You can probably get it down to 20 minutes to cook (don’t over complicate things), 15 minutes to eat and then 10 minutes max to clean up which should be done straight away and everyone mucks in. Even a reception age child can put crockery in a dishwasher and a slightly older one can wipe down the table leaving you free to the hob/surfaces and voila clean kitchen. You could clean the bathroom whilst the kids are in the bath- do the shower and the loo whilst supervising. And sort out that bedtime routine, if they don’t go straight to sleep then fine but it should be quiet play/reading in their rooms so you can sort the laundry or whatever needs doing. Get a robot vacuum if you can afford it to stay on top of things.

We get up at 5.30 (we both start work earlier than average) to make sure the dogs walked and stuff is sorted before DD gets up.

If we got up 2 hours before we had to be somewhere, half the jobs wouldn't be done. Also, DD is 4 and pretty hyperactive but we just put her to work. Tidy the toys up while I vacuum (or they're getting vacuumed!!), make your bed, dust down these parts of the room before I get there with said vacuum, etc.

The other thing is that we split stuff, which I see isn't an option for you. But, you might find when your H isn't living with you, things are easier. Less washing, less pots, one less person to make mess....

Could you afford a one off deep clean to bring the house up to scratch? I know that won’t help your weekly routine, but it will give you a starting point.

clean bathrooms while the kids are in the bath.
At weekends, if you take the children out in the morning to burn off some energy, would they then watch a movie in the afternoon while you do a run round with duster and hoover.?
Are you doing anything for your manchild husband - laundry etc? I’d stop. Or say to him - if you are not contributing to the household, I’m doing zero for you.
Clean kitchen as you go along in the evening. Prioritise quick and easy meals. Try and carve 15 minutes (slightly shorter bath time, dinner time etc.) set a 15 minutes timer and choose one job that you can get done in that time.
sort out uniforms for the week on a Sunday so you are not having to check/sort it during the week.
The hour putting them back to bed is eating up a lot of your evening, maybe start a thread for tips on managing that. Would they stay in their room for half an hour reading time before lights out. No glasses of water, extra cuddles etc. if they get up.

once you put them in bed, can you go out of the house for 15 minutes after bedtime routine so their dad has to deal with them getting up. Even a 15 minute walk around the block. That might not help with the chores, but it might be good for you to decompress.

Start encouraging your children to help and give them age appropriate chores. Make it a bit fun - a five minute race to tidy up all the toys in their room etc. Helping you clear the table. Emptying washing machine into basket. Little things that while they won’t be a massive help, starts teaching them about contributing to the household (so they don’t turn out like their dad, particularly given that he sounds like a useless role model in that regard).

it will get better. One day your children will be less exhausting, I promise!

I have no tips but I am retired now and kids long left home and married/living outside UK. My house is quiet, clean and tidy.
I’d give anything to go back to the messy chaotic house and noisy children times. Sod the house, you will have plenty of time for cleaning when the children are grown up and left. Make the most of every moment you have with them, and get rid of your lazy husband.

OP, I have come to the conclusion that you can't keep a.clean house alone. Clean houses have 2 collaborating adults in them.

My DH is very very messy and I cannot.keep up.with the mess he creates as well as that of DC and myself. I spend my life tidying and cleaning and still the house is awful.

You need a cleaner

I have a cleaner who comes every week. This means I don't have to worry about kitchen and bathrooms, just have to keep on top of laundry, cooking and dishes. I also wfh 3 days a week and do laundry in my lunch break.

Having a super hyper child is hard work at bedtime. I felt so broken by it that I brought it up with his doctor and he prescribed melatonin for him. It has been so positive for all of us.

My evenings were pretty much the same as yours, although DS wasn’t asleep until 9.30pm. The lack of sleep made him more and more hyper and unsettled.

Now we do:

Dinner 6pm - 6.30pm
Melatonin at 6.30pm. We no longer do baths: quick shower, teeth and PJ’s finished by 7pm
7pm: into bed for book and snuggle. He’s asleep half 7 latest.

For me it isn’t just having an extra 5-7 hours a week to get stuff done, it’s also that I am not totally exhausted, mentally rinsed and ground down by 9pm, and DS is much easier now he goes to bed at a regular hour.

Msybe chatting to your doctor about it could help? Even if you do a two week course for them to get into a better cycle.

I also struggle to fall asleep and now also take melatonin (I swear I’m not selling the stuff!). It also helps knowing if I take it at 9pm I’ll be asleep by ten. I still get most of that hour to myself on the couch to chill, and just get into bed for the last ten mins.,

There will be great tips here but when you are so ground down it’s hard to get any changes started. You are going through a lot and managing brilliantly - don’t beat yourself up. I’ve realised that ‘good enough is ok by me’ in the housework department is key to happy parenting for me.

I would spend the money on a cleaner, sorry. I don’t think you have time to divorce yet.

With any luck you might then have the headspace to do a bit more with the children’s routine, sounds like hell. We never got to music practice before breakfast either. Solidarity.

Pay for a one off deep clean top to bottom and start afresh.
Get rid if lazy dh now
Hopefully he takes dc 50/50 so you have more time

Few things. One is that it doesn’t take an hour to get two children ready. If their uniform is ready the night before and they’re able to dress themselves then they can crack on with that while you potter about doing a few cleaning jobs. Once you’ve got them breakfast and they’re happily eating again you can clean. This is what I do anyway. You could also think about getting up a bit earlier, or just doing a few more jobs before bed so you don’t want to die when you go down the next morning. There are ways.

You also don’t need to have a pristine deep cleaned home, it just needs to superficially look ok for your mental health.

When you say you are waiting to split can I ask why? What is it you’re waiting for. Right now you are dealing with all this AND have the weight of knowledge that another adult is in the home, making his share of the mess, and not lifting a finger. Removing that dead weight would make your mind lighter.

is it a financial reason you’re not telling him to move out?

Im not going to pretend it won’t still be hard and tiring with him out but I can tell you having seen it in friends, when that emotional weight lifts it frees something up in you. You’ll be more efficient and be able to adjust because you won’t have a waste of space in your way the whole time.

Get rid of any clutter
clean the bathroom each day quickly after bath time
get the kids a duster each and get them to follow you around before bed time giving some of the upstairs surfaces, play a specific piece of music for this so it’s cleaning time (pre schools do this to train them sometimes !)
If you can afford it get a robot hoover (carpets need to be clear of bits and bobs just throw anything on the sofa or bed and press go. You can do a different room each day.
Don’t give up your hour in the evening.

You’re not doing anything wrong - it’s impossible. We have a cleaner every other week for four hours and that’s the only way bathrooms, vacuuming etc gets done. It’s such a cost though. And even then I spend a good few hours running madly through the house tidying stuff away so she can actually clean. There’s washing everywhere, my oven has literally never been cleaned nor have my windows, grass overgrown etc. The only way to deal with it is to run yourself to the ground on weekends but to what end? My advice is to work really hard to just sit with it and focus on what you have not what you don’t (clean perfectly organised home).

ive also taken to watching those mother help videos on instagram which are so addictive. Women (usually American) who have what’s called a ‘mothers help’ come in who just get shit done. No lists, no explanations, they just open up their eyes and move through the home getting it all organised. BLISS

That's working life. Unless you have a cleaner or a partner who tidies and hoovers while you make the kids tea, that is the reality.
My house is only really clean on a Sunday (I do most of my chores 6am - 8am on Sunday mornings)

I'm about to get up and start another day. I'll take 10 mins to dust & hoover my room but only because ds has finished school and I'm not fighting to get him out of bed.

You aren't alone. I look at it this way. Everyone in my house is safe, happy, healthy and well fed. The bills are paid, there is (some) money in the bank. I'm doing OK.

This is my 2 penny worth...

Please don't start cleaning the shower while you shower or cleaning the toilet in the morning before school while the kids are doing spellings ( I think my kids were a whole other species to this) or eating into your 1 hr of downtime or reducing your sleep...... You are doing the most important thing, keeping yourself together, sane and prioritising your kids.

Once your husband goes, all the negative energy and resentment goes too. The kids will get bigger and easier. Definitely get a cleaner if you can afford it. If you can push your husband to take them to the park for a few hours at the weekend, great.

But other than that, don't kill yourself to make your house like a show home and give yourself burnout in the process. You're doing a great job already.

you have my sympathy OP. My key advice woul
be to take little opportunities to do a small job, together they will add up.
For example, you could clean the bathroom whilst supervising bathtirne. If you did a little each night it would be clean by the end of the week and easier to maintain.
I was in the habit of putting the kettle on and standing by it til it boiled. It’s amazing how much you can do in that those couple of minutes and it all adds up.
A tip I picked up off MN so can’t claim the glory! ‘Never leave a room without doing two things to improve it’. So that’s not major things but for example picking up some rubbish; taking something out that doesn’t belong there ; straighten the cushions etc so little things which add up over time.
Anothet suggestion would be to use one of your evening hours for yourself for self-care - file your nails, give yourself a mini facial, soak in the bath. You’ve a lot on your plate so taking care of yourself needa to be more of a priority than it probably is

Robot vacuum cleaner is a game change r for floors, just keeps them presentable with no effort. It's nice comin g home to clean carpets and no crumbs in the kitchen

Op your kids are very young- yes it’s a great time to get them helping/ enjoying helping/ it being second nature but firstly with those ages there will be chaos (which is fine imo!) and they’re too young to make a good dent in things (when my 13yo helps he runs rings around me, the others are less enthusiastic and I don’t want him to think he should do everything so that’s our road block here on kids getting stuff done to help!!)

Swap bathtime for shower time. Depending on age of DC, this is much quicker and you can do a bit of cleaning/tidying while they are in there.

My DC are secondary age and I get up ay 5.50am to get a head start on the day. I'd be running constantly behind if I got up at 7am.

Are your DC old enough for any drop-off sports clubs on a weekend morning? Or would DH rouse himself to take them swimming/to football etc while you cracked on at home? Or is even that too much for him?

Also, for me, routine is key.
Dishwasher on before bed.
Empty the dishwasher as soon as I get up.
Laundry on timer overnight to hang out after breakfast. Etc. Etc. Every. Single. Day. It's dull, but means I never get too far behind.

youre not missing anyone

as a single parents its hard, but at least you don't have to clear up a lazy do mess I guess

employ a cleaner, to come in and deep clean one room at a time. Try to spend the night before de cluttering and tidying that one room

once all the rooms have been done then have a weekly clean - its seriously worth forgoing something else for the help

I can relate, OP. Been single with 3 kids for 18 years. I keep sane by recognising sometimes the priority is me - the glass of wine and an hour watching soaps is necessary. I do what I can in short bursts - I can sort the kitchen whilst the sausages are in the air fryer, for example. This keeps things acceptable but never show home. I made my peace with that.

Have you tried magnesium for sleeping? Half an hour before bed. Works like a charm.