To think the daily routine is impossible. Disgusting house

[ComeOnNowww]

I want help! People's tips. I don't understand how people manage. I live in a fairly large old house.

This is my weekday routine

7am wake
7.30 - 8.30 getting kids ready for school (primary)
8.30 - 9.30 rush to office or back home to wfh.
9.30 - 5 work my arse off. Back to back meetings
5.30 pick up kids from after school
6 - 7 dinner
7 - 8 bath, bed
8 - 9 constantly put kids back to bed. Feel like tearing my hair out
9 - 9.30 basic tidy, dishwasher, check uniforms
9.30 - 10.30 try to do bits but in all honesty drink a wine and watch telly

My house is disgusting. I mean real mess. - my bathrooms are gross, dust everywhere. Im sprinting to stay still. Just about keep the show on the road but dusting, hoovering, proper cleans so hard to do

At the weekend, i do what i can. But all boys - primary school - and theyre so hyper. If I dont take them out they're out of control

What are other women doing? I dont know how womens homes look normal when they have young kids and work FT. My house is bad enough so id be embarrassed to let somone pop round. No parents. Husband MIA.

Practical tips? I feel like im missing something.

How odl are the kids?

Cleaner, honestly if you're working flat out all day and juggling kids then not everyone has the motivation to get up at 6 and clean or not have any downtime when knackered at the end of the day. Probably looking at £20 an hour so if you can find an extra £175 a month your problem is solved.

Recommend buying a robot hoover

... and then tell the kids that if any toys are left on the floor at the end of the day "the hoover will eat them". We used to have one and this did work!

Cleaner. Or get kids to help depending on age. Outsource your work 😁There isn't enough time in the day!

Oh god same here op, biggest problems, I (and dh and kids sometimes) spend so much time cleaning up mess, school books, books, notes, games, clothes, that cleaning gets done very rarely. The put things away not down shop sailed so long ago because with six of us there’s just so much stuff and I’m so tired as is dh.

Main bathroom not too bad but en-suite barely touched ever. Floors swept/ hoovered enough I suppose (maybe) but not mopped often enough. My teens’ room is HORRIFIC (although I’ve told them if that’s not sorted within the next few weeks the internet is going for a week!) I see people on mn talk about skirting boards and I sigh at what a state our house is.

I hear you. My husband pulls his weight but even half of the household tasks feels impossible sometimes

Single mum of 3 here who works full-time. Our home is very clean and tidy (mess and clutter make my head go funny), but my garden is an absolute DISGRACE. Weeds everywhere and the grass is out of control. I’d love to keep on top of my garden like I do my house!

Im trying not to spend money because im trying to get divorced from my teenager of a husband. One of the most heart breaking things is him lying on the sofa night after night as I contend with the kids for hours and he just lies there as if we aren't there. Doesnt even look up these days. But im at peace with what's gping on there. Its done. I just need to get out somehow. Also the kids. They're 5 and 6 amd they do v litte to help. Theyre so hyper every bedtime. They're v demanding boys. Totally stuck to me like glue so its hours of "mummy one more cuddle/water" and they only want me to bath them or read to them. Im totally in it by myself. The less my husband does the more the kids reject him. The more they reject him the more he sulks. And now we are in a total rut of me doing every thing and him tapping out completely. I've tried all the therapy. I just need practical advice. Going to take a shower and seeing grime....it's depressing and makes me feel like shit. I think maybe 6am starts are the way. Probably need to go to bed! Maybe I need to sell stuff on vinted to try and pay for cleaner. I have a lot of stuff over the yrs. I could sell jewellery

Why is he not participating in the adult domestic work?

Most men don't. That's the reality.

Some great men do however. Few and far between.

What did feminism bring us?

Double work load really. Men didn't catch up sadly enough.

Solo motherhood is so much better with no man around. apart from a fling now and again

But how are you doing it? The mess is making me depressed and I hear mums at the school gate say things like "oh I cant live in mess" and I just think but when and how. I dont want mess either. I want to not feel disgusted at myself but is getting up 2 hrs before kids only way? I could try to do more while bathing them.

I just need practical advice

Get thee to a lawyer.

This is the routine for whichever of dh & I is wfh, the other is up at 6.30 and leaves for the train to the office at 7.40. If both in the office kids skip spellings and music practise and are dropped at childminder at 7.30am. Those days are maybe once a week and are a rush/no time to clean much.

Up: 6.30 (me), 6.50 (kids). Kids are 6 (dd) & 9 (ds) so they dress themselves etc. I don't have to wake them,they wake naturally somewhere between 6.30 & 6.45.
Downstairs by 7, kids are down with me. I don't bother with much makeup or spend ages styling my hair so getting up is quick.

7 - 7.30. I make a coffee & drink it while the kids get and eat their breakfast. I will also tidy/wipe the kitchen if its a mess. Eldest (9) eats quickly and then unloads dishwasher. Between 7.30 & 8 dc are doing music practise/spellings/homework. I'll be listening/commenting/available but am also making packed lunches (only takes 5 mins) then quickly blitzing bits in the house - throwing a load of laundry in machine or giveing the downstairs loo a quick clean.
8am - 8.25 : getting kids shoes coats and bags ready, gym stuff for their clubs or instruments for band packed, out the door by 8.25.
Drop to school at 8.35 home 8.45. If i missed coffee earlier I make one now.

Work 9 -5.20

Get kids 5.30. Give them some extra supper

Youngest ijn½ bed by 7 30, eldest 8.15.

I understand how frustrating this is! I found getting rid of a lot of clutter (literally hiring a skip) and decluttering is a huge step to make things easier. Also, don’t beat yourself up about it, most people are exactly the same.m! X

This is astounding to me. I dream of a routine like this. Music practice before schoolaa Mine are eating cornflakes off the carpet! They won't bloody fall asleep in the evenings and theyre jusy so hyper. And then I can't get them up until 7.30am...you've already got them dropped at a childminder by the time I've got a grunt out of them. Your 6 yr old dresses themselves no fuss? I just dont think im a v good mum imo. They're v loved but when I read stuff like this I realise im just in chaos land.

Declutter so less to put away. Get kids to help throw stuff away. Get a cleaner even just to do one room at a time

It’s kind of like second nature, I guess (sorry, not helpful). I grew up with a clean freak mother (I’m nowhere near as efficient as her!), so it’s all I know.

Some random suggestions, in no particular order:

Practical steps to lose the deadweight: Wikivorce, Divorce for Dummies, family solicitor websites
Declutter and minimise possessions, especially clothes and toys. Pare everything down to essentials.
Labour saving devices: robotic vacuum, cordless Shark or similar, plus a handheld permanently plugged in the kitchen; dishwasher and dryer if you don’t already have them; dishwasher-safe mini-food processor to reduce chopping time.
Whenever possible, cook enough protein for two days; chicken, salmon etc can form part of a pasta or rice dish the next day.
If you can, get up half an hour early some mornings and break the back of chores that are piling up.
Use daily shower spray every day; clean sink while brushing teeth; clean shower while you have a shower.
Kids don’t need a bath/shower every day. But they do need to help clean - turn it into a game (they are old enough to vacuum and clean the bath; it may not be very effective now but they’ll get used to it and learn on the job).

And remember, you are not running for mother of the year, and it will get easier.

You'll be surprised at how much less mess there will be with one less person in the house.

I have ADHD but unaware when my children were young,I always got myself organised with school uniforms,packed lunches ,book bags in the evening.
so much better than getting organised in the morning! It really worked for me.X

I’m retired now and my house is great. But when I worked full time and the kids were small.it was a disaster area. Try not to let it get you down too much. It won’t always be like this. And it’s not the most important thing in life.
I also moved from an old Victorian house to a new build when my lot were teenagers. And it was so much easier to clean and keep tidy. I think old houses are more difficult to manage

8-9 let the kids stay up. Do a 15-min family pick up with some fun music. They can burn some energy and help out at the same time.

Cleaner OP! just to help you. It'll change your mental health drastically and take the load off. Even if you have them once every two weeks

What about the weekend OP. Can you not find 3-4 hours to clean on a Saturday morning whilst kids in bed or watching tv etc?

Two points though, firstly only takes op 20 minutes to do a round trip for school drop off!/ pick up. It takes us 20 minutes there, 5 for goodbyes etc and 15 minutes home. You sound like your commute is more similar to mine.

Secondly, op has a good husband so all that stuff in the morning, it doesn't fall on her every day. The clebaing up, entertaining the kids,, weekend chores etc. She shares, the nurfen whereas you're shoukdering it all alone.

Your house sounds more like mine, 3 boys aged 6-11,eldest has autism and cannot be hurried into any bloody thing. 6 year olds are hit and miss. All 3 hype each other up. And some days I'll be honest, there's an edge of why bother, it'll jsit) just get messy again.

At 5 and 6 I'd not bath them every night. Let's face it, it isn't calming them down as part of their bedrmtime routine. Do they a, roeon?