To think the daily routine is impossible. Disgusting house

[ComeOnNowww]

I want help! People's tips. I don't understand how people manage. I live in a fairly large old house.

This is my weekday routine

7am wake
7.30 - 8.30 getting kids ready for school (primary)
8.30 - 9.30 rush to office or back home to wfh.
9.30 - 5 work my arse off. Back to back meetings
5.30 pick up kids from after school
6 - 7 dinner
7 - 8 bath, bed
8 - 9 constantly put kids back to bed. Feel like tearing my hair out
9 - 9.30 basic tidy, dishwasher, check uniforms
9.30 - 10.30 try to do bits but in all honesty drink a wine and watch telly

My house is disgusting. I mean real mess. - my bathrooms are gross, dust everywhere. Im sprinting to stay still. Just about keep the show on the road but dusting, hoovering, proper cleans so hard to do

At the weekend, i do what i can. But all boys - primary school - and theyre so hyper. If I dont take them out they're out of control

What are other women doing? I dont know how womens homes look normal when they have young kids and work FT. My house is bad enough so id be embarrassed to let somone pop round. No parents. Husband MIA.

Practical tips? I feel like im missing something.

I think as other posters have suggested, getting up at 6 seems sensible. Set yourself a challenge of 1 room per day for the next 14 days. It sounds like you’ve let it build up too much so that it’s an insurmountable task.

Get up an hour early. When the boys are eating tea, clean the kitchen around them. When you are working from home, where you would take a 15 minute break, or your lunch hour use that to do specific small tasks broken down.

A one off cleaner would be my choice. No matter what they’ve always seen worse

Not read the whole thread but just wanted to point out that having a child with SN massively impacts. If your children were independently dressing and getting their own breakfast this would ease a whole load of stress and free up time. You probably dont realise how significant this is. I'm saying this as mum to 2 SN kids - in the early years before they were both fully diagnosed I beat myself up endlessly for being 'shit' and finding it so much harder than seemingly everyone around me. I wasn't shit, I was dealing with a LOT that parents of NT kids just arent. Be kind to yourself OP, its a lot. Add a completely useless H into the mix and it's no bloody wonder youre drowning. IT'S NOT YOU!!

Not sure what MIA is.

I don’t think you are doing anything wrong, you just have too much on your plate.

As a solution of a kind, you could take some annual leave whilst the kids are still at school and methodically declutter the whole house and clean it as you go. Then get a cleaner to keep it cleanish going forward (you’ll still have to tidy with a cleaner but at least no dust in bathrooms, etc. provided you have a decent cleaner who takes pride in their work).

In some ways women have won nothing by gaining the same work rights as men. We still have to carry and birth the children and then most likely look after them and cook and clean but then also work like a man on top of that for the vast majority of each day. And it is not at all a choice - these days nearly every couple has to both work to manage the mortgage repayments, i.e. the bare minimum.

That sounds utterly exhausting.

Get a cleaner now. They’ve seen everything.

The absolute minimum you need is a bit of cleaning help.

@ComeOnNowww
1.Encourage the kids to start helping you now
If your sons are hyper, they can help with the housework but I recommend getting them into the routine of helping now- I've done this and mine will help now. I accept this is going to be tiring initially but if you invest time in getting them to help now, it should pay-off as they get older. Give them small but manageable tasks - if they're strong, show them how it to it properly then let them have a go. Don't be overly critical as they may get fed up. Put some motivational music - ' St Elmo's fire is a good one or whatever music they like.
2.Hire a cleaner - as per other suggestions but try what I've suggested above.
3.Better storage solutions can help with keeping a house tidy.
4.Cleaning equipment needs to be visible and accessible to kids (not chemicals like bleach/sprays if they are not old enough to use them correctly - I mean dusters, hoover, dustpan and brush etc..)
5.Put away precious breakable objects
6.A regular family meeting of no longer than a couple of minutes with motivational factors (points for cleaning and the chld with the most points at the end of the month gets a prize or whatever works for you).
7.Whatever your intentions with your husband, if he's under your roof, he needs to pull his weight and if you're cooking the meals, paying the bills etc... then you need to drop big hints that these things won't happen unless there's help.
8.Whether you all stick to the same chores or rotate depends on the nature of personalities, any special needs etc...

Why are you wasting your time on 8-9? Just let them stay up, tell them to read or do quiet time before bed and tidy then?

Oh I feel you it’s hard with kids. A few things that I’ve done that have made a massive difference.
Get a caddy and put all of your daily cleaning things in it, cleaning spray, polish, window cleaner, some wipes and clothes. Means your not hunting for different cleaning tools, you take that out and youre ready to clean.

set a timer. 10 minutes only. Focus on one room. Turn it into a game to see how much you can do before the timer goes on. You would be AMAZED what you can do in 10 minutes with a clock ticking. I can clean my whole kitchen (not a deep clean obviously), get rid of the rubbish on the sides, load the dishwasher, quick sweep and mope of the floors in that time. It might not be spotless but it helps hugely.

build things into your routine. Give the toilet and sink and floor a clean while you’re supervising kids in the bath.

make beds immediately after you get up.

put a basket (doesn’t need to be permanent, just use a washing basket) at the bottom of the stairs walk round the house and everything that’s migrated downstairs throw it in and take it back up.

OP don’t be embarrassed about getting a cleaner, some cleaners relish a house that they can really get stuck into! I’ve seen a few local posts recently looking for cleaners who won’t judge because they’ve let things slide for whatever reason and there’s always recommendations for people and also cleaners answering the ad saying that those jobs are their favourites!

Take things one step at a time. Trying to solve every problem you have in one go can get overwhelming. You have managed one improvement last night, which is a big win! Don't think you've failed if you don't manage to get everything done in one go though. Its a marathon, not a sprint. Work out the top priorities or things that will make the biggest difference, start with them, then work your way through. Things like losing weight will be much easier when you are rid of the deadweight (MIA dad), feeling less anxious about the housework and getting a better nights sleep. Good luck!

Please don't beat yourself up but I do think getting the kids on board to look after themselves / help around the house a bit is a good way forward.
I'm guilty of over-helping my 4 year old but recently I've been firmer - she is capable of dressing herself so she should. And I'm planning on having that as a firm boundary by the time she starts school in September. Also, I've started her now doing little chores - just small things like being in charge of putting the cutlery back in the drawer when the dishwasher is done and watering the plants. I'm laying the groundwork now that we're a team who get to have more fun together if we help each other out to save time.

I tend towards chaos too, so I know all the feelings you're having. And I'm not great with routines but have realised now she's 4 that not having firm routines set in stone already is causing a bit more chaos than is necessary so hoping to rectify that before the school years start 😭🫣

I only have one girl OP, and my partner and I both work FT. He is amazing, does all cooking and shopping and loads of cleaning so I am fortunate....but even with that we have grime I can't handle either. Do not beat yourself up! A few tweaks and it will be better...but you're doing a wonderful job! x

Mysteriously, once when I apologized to my cleaner for the state of the house that day, she said ‘oh it’s ok, on the other weeks I have a house of New Zealanders’.

We didn’t have much language in common so I never got to the bottom of this.

But of course if your house is actually too dreadful, the cleaner will refuse. But that’s not going to happen. What will actually happen is you’ll come home to a clean, tidy house once a week.

We have a cleaner for 2 hours every 2 weeks. She does the kitchen, living room, dining room and bathroom. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without her. I’m a teacher and DH has a physical job so he’s also knackered when he’s home. 2 kids and a dog and lots of sporting activities seem to result in endless washing and mud 😆 honestly our cleaner is a life saver. I do appreciate that might not work for everyone for many reasons, but this is our solution

Sorry this post didn’t load fully - just saw you are trying to avoid spending which is understandable.
In that case I’d set a timer for 30mins and play some music or a podcast or something and see what can be done in that time. I try and make putting the washing away into a game with DS (as he’s so competitive 😆) so we see who can put their clothes away first which is a win win!

I agree getting up earlier means you can fit more in but I don’t think this is sustainable honestly. It would mean Op getting an hour less sleep which is never a good idea when you are parenting primary age hyper boys. Also one hour less in the evening to decompress which if she is going to bed between ten and eleven is the only relaxation time she has in the day.

Much better imho to try and fit more in to the hours you are active and protect sleep and relaxation.

An hour or so every Saturday morning with music on loud, when you all clean together. Boys can sort recycling, hoover, clean sinks, fold laundry. They can also strip beds and out washing on.

Then you all go out for a blast of exercise followed by a cafe “treat” or fast food lunch.

Wear them out Saturday morning and then you can do one or two important tasks, eg kitchen cleaning, in the afternoon while they watch a film.

Every evening during the week do half an hour of intense tidying in each room in preparation for Saturday clean.

Invest in a few tools like the Karcher surface cleaner and long handled scrubbers for shower. Allow products time to work.

During the week, while supervising the boys baths, clean one element of bathroom per day eg sink on Monday, loo on Tuesday, floor on Wednesday, bath on Thursday, loo again on Friday, surfaces and storage units on Saturday, wash towels Sunday.

One load of laundry per day. Fold and put away straight out of tumble drier. If you are behind, get a service wash to catch up.

One night a week, say a Thursday, skip the baths, and just let the boys have a quick shower or flannel wash and in the time saved, they each tidy their bedrooms before bed.

Make sure each room has a divided container for things which need to be sold or go to charity,

Sunday, get the boys chopping vegetables and make something like an enormous bolognese sauce and enough for following night and in the time saved on Monday night, focus on one cleaning task eg downstairs floors?

Every time you cook, do enough to put one portion in freezer

Flylady and TOMM are good systems and even if you don’t follow them exactly, you can cherry pick the elements that work for you.

And in addition to above, pay a baby-sitter to look after the boys for three hours one weekend morning or afternoon and use that time to organise your house and get back on track. Or swap with another mum friend. Or advertise for a fit active grandmother type on your street who can become a mother’s help.

Good luck op! Please don’t call yourself a bad parent or say you are failing. Every day your boys are washed, dressed in clean clothes, educated at school, eating reasonably good food, is a win! And all of those things plus earning a living is a massive, massive endless task! You are doing great! 💐

Stop looking at the whole picture.
It's so fucking intimidating.

Put your wine back in the fridge, it will keep for half an hour. Set a timer, do you have Alexa? You've got 30 minutes to do as much as you can in one room. Timer goes off and you get to relax with your wine.
If you get to the end of your 30 mins and all that's left of the bathroom is to wipe the sink down, do it. If not, do it tomorrow.

Then move onto the next room.

Eventually you'll find yourself in a place where it's maintenance rather than starting over.

But you need to break it down into smaller tasks so it doesn't seem insurmountable. Or you can get a cleaner in for a deep clean just to get you over the start line and then tackle it bit by bit.

Also: never do nothing while the kettle is boiling - that's prime time to tidy/clean something in the kitchen. In the time it takes for the washing machine to finish, fold something. While dinner is cooking, you can handle something else. All small actions that add up.

And there's no shame in using the bath water and a towel to mop the bathroom floor when the boys have finished thrashing it.

Do what you can, when you can. But avoiding it won't make it go away. Do something.

Mine are grown up now so tidy house again but I used to do little things as I went which helped. When they are in the bath give the sink and toilet a good scrub, the taps, bathroom floor. Clean the shower if it’s separate from bath. Then when you take them out and dry them give the bath a quick whizz. Every time I wash my hands I clean around the basin and taps, just little habits as I go. But honestly you’ll have years of keeping a clean house, give yourself a break for now while they are so young. You’re doing a great job of being what they need right now.

You don’t really have time to stay in bed as late as 7 am.

One thing at a time op. Routines work best when they are started small and added to gradually. Start with decluttering, move on to getting to a good edge with your cleaning and then you can build in a better routine when you're at a straight edge. Once that's feeling comfortable for you then you can add in more self care to the mix. Nothing needs to be perfect, it just needs to be good enough.

Yes don't leave them unattended in the bath but that's not to say you can't make use of the time.

We use bath time to either give the shower/sink a clean or I sit in the doorway of the bathroom sorting washing into piles for each person. Nothing that take too much attention so I can still keep a close eye on my daughter in the bath but still making use of the time. Then whilst she is getting dry and ready for bed I fold and put her washing away. It can take a while as she gets distracted so I do allow more time than usual but if you combine the usual time for bath - sort washing - getting changed and putting clothes away. I'm still manage to do it quicker alongside the bath/bedtime routine.

With that schedule, can you ruin a few days of precious leave to get the main stuff away and then employ a cleaner for a few hours a week.

Get the kids to do simple chores - dishwasher, sort their laundry, take turns to hoover the stairs and living room.

Obviously there's the daily jobs like the dishwasher but cycle through a new task each day until you get to your base line. Once you have a baseline it's easier to keep on top of once you have the habit. Turn toy tidy up into a game. I only devote 15 minutes to cleaning per day, consiously. I probably clean the loo and clear up clutter on autopilot now.

The post I replied to suggested FaceTiming the DC in the bath while washing up downstairs. Rather different to doing bathroom cleaning in the same room (which I agree with can be a good use of time)

Yes, I was agreeing with you!

I spoke to the boys about trying to have a tidier house and "mummy is trying to keep it tidy" but I need their help. Guess what??..the 6 yr old grabbed my hand and put me in front of the electric fan and told me to 'relax' & he has been tidying downstairs for ages. It actually made me feel weirdly emotional. I dont always expect it to be that easy but I realised im so used to getting no help that I just dont ask anymore. Ive just been trying to do it all. If i ask for help from dh it alwsys ends in shouting so it became less stressful to try and do it all alone. And I asked my son and explained it to him and he jumped into action. Also made me realise that the boys havent absorbed/copied DH behaviour. I actually had to hide and have a little cry

Robot vacuum- save up your nectar points and swap for vouchers
Cleaner for a few hours a week (maybe pay for a full day for the first visit?)
Be efficient and effective: Fit little jobs in gaps such as waiting for the kettle to boil/whilst cooking/clean fridge when it’s nearly empty
Clean as you go (e.g. after showering wipe down shower)
Get everyone involved