To think the daily routine is impossible. Disgusting house

[ComeOnNowww]

I want help! People's tips. I don't understand how people manage. I live in a fairly large old house.

This is my weekday routine

7am wake
7.30 - 8.30 getting kids ready for school (primary)
8.30 - 9.30 rush to office or back home to wfh.
9.30 - 5 work my arse off. Back to back meetings
5.30 pick up kids from after school
6 - 7 dinner
7 - 8 bath, bed
8 - 9 constantly put kids back to bed. Feel like tearing my hair out
9 - 9.30 basic tidy, dishwasher, check uniforms
9.30 - 10.30 try to do bits but in all honesty drink a wine and watch telly

My house is disgusting. I mean real mess. - my bathrooms are gross, dust everywhere. Im sprinting to stay still. Just about keep the show on the road but dusting, hoovering, proper cleans so hard to do

At the weekend, i do what i can. But all boys - primary school - and theyre so hyper. If I dont take them out they're out of control

What are other women doing? I dont know how womens homes look normal when they have young kids and work FT. My house is bad enough so id be embarrassed to let somone pop round. No parents. Husband MIA.

Practical tips? I feel like im missing something.

Firstly you are already doing fantastically well for someone with a job, small children, and a useless husband.

Secondly, you need to a timer and to enlist your kids. My 5 year old is always mysteriously tired or needs a poo when he's asked to tidy.... unless I use a visual timer and challenge him to pick up his toys before it goes off (also works for getting ready for bed etc.). Then run around doing a quick dust or whatever for your own challenge.

You can keep the house clean through a routine but it sounds like you need to get it all clean first. Thats going to take some time.
Instead of thinking that you have to do the whole house, think of getting everything clean in a month. By this time next month, things will be cleaner.
Get up 20 mins earlier and use that to empty the dishwasher and do a small job.
Every evening, throw 5 things into a rubbish bag and 5 things into a charity bag.
Every evening, clean the kitchen, dishwasher on.

small jobs

• bin everything not needed from bathroom,

clean toilet clean sink and bathroom floor clean bathtub clean showerhead and taps clear hallway clean hallway floor clear an area

weekend jobs - do a room clear out, clean it.
take the bag to the charity, take the rubbish bag to the dump if it doesn’t fit into your bin.
still carry on with your small jobs.

once all that is done, it’ll be much easier to keep the house clean. Do a small job daily and “team clean up hour” everyone joins in on Friday night/Saturday morning to help clean their rooms, bathrooms, stairs, hallway, hoover, laundry.
Relaxed for the weekend.

It's not easy OP. I have 3 boys too, I'm on maternity leave at the moment and I've moved house recently. I'm drowning in laundry. I'm constantly playing catch up with basic tidying. I have no idea how I'll manage when I go back to work. I put bleach down the toilet and clean the toilet and sink every couple of days at a push. At night I do a basic clean of the bathroom and put the dishwasher on. After a full day I'm done in! No judgement here.

You need to get up earlier and not drink wine in the evening. The not drinking wine will help with the getting up earlier.

What do you do at the weekends? It's an unfortunate reality that if you work during the weekend, part of your weekend will be sacrificed to chores.

You’re waiting loads of time. If you want a clean house you need to actually prioritise it. Wake up 15 mins earlier and put things away/ fold a wash/ air out the house while having a coffee.
3 hours of dinner bath and bed is ridiculous. You can clean the bathroom while they’re in the bath, wipe down the sink, shower toilet while then play. Give the floor a quick hoover and mop.
The 8-9 window can be tidying downstairs, make sure the kitchen is clean after dinner. If the kids wake tell them to bed back to bed, at primary age this shouldn’t be your main activity during this entire hour you can do other things and then you still have the same amount of tv time.

You're doing very well OP.

I work part time, DH works flexibly from home, we have a cleaner for 3 hours every 2 weeks and a mothers help 1-2 nights a week. Our house is honestly still a tip and I spend a lot of time tidying it, doing laundry, dishes etc.

I have accepted that for us it is part and parcel of family life. I try to help the kids learn some household skills whilst still having a relaxed childhood. I try to embrace the chaos whilst still having a 'tidy enough' house to relax.

Hold onto your previous evening hour. It is very, very important. Good luck getting rid of the H. Knob head.

How old are the kids - 5 and 7 is different to 9 and 11. I’d try to give them little jobs or make them a bit more independent in the mornings and evenings so you can maybe do some smaller jobs around them.

Can you clean bathroom whilst they’re in the bath one night a week?

Generally try to break everything down into 5/10/15 minute jobs rather than whole house clean.

Can you take a day’s leave to give everything a really good once over and then try to break down a mini maintenance schedule that you and kids can keep on top of in small jobs?

And maybe just have 1 day a week (maybe a Monday before you get too knackered) which you accept is a jobs day and stay up late / get up early. So you still get downtime and enough sleep most days but have 1 re-set day.

Your STBXH, why does he get a pass on parenting? Could you get him to have them one day (at least) over the weekend?

There isn’t time for everything. Kitchens and bathrooms are a must, everything else can wait. Can you afford to hire a cleaner for these rooms?
If you have a deep clean in the kitchen and bathroom you’ll just have to keep on top of it, it’s money well spent.

Get a cleaner.

Firstly, you are doing amazing, it must be very difficult living with a fully checked out person.

i don’t work full time so cant help on the habits front… a few things that i do to save time, that you might find useful. I typically get up at 6:45 and I sort dishwasher / kitchen and hang out any washing. I clean the bathroom when my LO is in the bath. I batch cook so I can feel like I have evenings off from cooking (clean up is easier too)

I have pretty much the same routine... The only thing I can say - just dont let things slip - wash dishes straight away; put things away in their place, this sort of thing. In terms of cleaning - maybe do one room a day, its easier - for example, hoover one room today, another tomorrow. Like do one task a day.

Dont put too much pressure on yourself. A bit of dust never killed anyone. And - get a weekly cleaner! They are not that expensive, ask around where you live.

Stop drinking wine and spend the money on a cleaner! The clean and tidy house will relax you far better than alcohol.

Every second week cleaner. Try to just find the money maybe instead of the wine. My house still mess most of the time but you have one perfectly calm tidy clean evening which is bliss and the bathrooms are not dirty and floors clean.
I have since got in a rhythm manage to get clothes tidy night before cleaner comes. After they leave little piles stuff around place do easier to focus on what to do with that.

Smaller family than you but I still struggle to have a presentable house. Husband also MIA but for different reasons to you and not really his fault.

My issue is 2 fold:
First, too much stuff. Not everything has a place to live which leads to my second point which is
We dont pick up as we go. We are terrible for putting down, not putting away. Then before you know it, there is an overwhelming amount of mess and I can't clean.

So I prioritised getting rid of lots stuff. I didnt have time to do Marie Kondo type declutter so would spend chunks of time in one physical area eg kitchen drawers, my wardrobe, the children's books etc. This is constant btw. It's not a do it once and it's done. Eventually your brain clicks when you realise how much money you are literally throwing/giving away and you do reduce how much you bring in.

Then I would prioritise things until they became a habit. So for instance, once the bathroom had a sensible amount if stuff, I would make sure it was always clean. Keep my normal routine for everything else but make sure the bathroom was clean. Maybe look at TOMM routines and use the bathroom list?

Once that had becone normal, I sorted another area eg the dining table (where we dump stuff) then I would keep the bathroom clean as standard (because it had become routine so I didnt think about it anymore) and add clearing the dining table each night. Then once that was routine I added something else etc etc.

Also, learn to let things go. Our floors dont get cleaned as often as they should but we don't have anyone sitting/playing on them anymore so I'd rather spend that time dusting (well I wouldn't but you know what I mean!)

Once you have a good starting point it does become easier and you get quicker. Spending 15mins a day to keep on top of a bathroom will mean you have a nice bathroom all the time and 15mins is less scary than say 90mins every Saturday which then gets put off until the next weekend and the next...

What always motivates me is when MIL comes to visit. 🤣

DH & I wake up at 5:50 am - Brush teeth, loo, get workout clothes on, DH goes to gym or for a run. I workout at home.
6.30 am - 7am - Strength training/ pilates/ treadmill
7am - Wake kids up, sometimes they wake up to their alarm. I just check they are up and send them to brush their teeth. I go for a post workout shower. DH is back from gym or run and gets himself ready and has some bf if he has time else eats at work.
7.15- 7.45 am- Put on some make up, dry hair, supervise kids changing into uniform
7.30 am - DH leaves for the hospital
7.45 - 8.15 am - Bf for me and kids
8.20 am - Leave for school, I drop them 4 days a week, they do bf and afterschool club one day a week and that is the only day DH drops and picks them up. I walk them to school to get my steps in.
9am - Back home and start work.
3pm - Go for school run and get my steps in
3.30 pm - Back home, give kids a snack
3.45pm - Back to work, kids eat snack and relax for a bit.
4.30 pm - 5.30 pm - Kids do some homework, maths/spelling practice they are 5 and 9 years old. The elder one helps the younger one. They sometimes come to ask me doubts but usually quite independent
5.30-6pm - I finish work, the time varies.
5.30 pm- Dd goes for a shower
6pm - I give Ds a shower
5.30 - 7pm - DH returns
6.30 pm - 7.30 pm - Dinner
7.30 pm - Kids go to bed
8 pm - 9pm- DH unloads and re-loads dishwasher, I fill water bottles, pack lunches clean kitchen counters and dining table surface. Sweep and mop kitchen and entrance hallway. Iron next days uniform for the kids and fold laundry.
9pm - I take another shower as it helps me sleep.
10.30 pm - DH and I go to sleep.

We employ a cleaner once a week, gardener fortnightly, window cleaner once every 4 weeks. Rest all is done on the weekend! House is pretty neat and tidy. Also kids make their own beds daily and clean their play room and bedrooms.

I’m in pretty much the same place as you but if you can get up a bit earlier or you can give up a bit of your last hour, I find that I can lose myself in audio books or radio whilst I clean. Earbuds are good so you can move around the house without carrying your phone.

The whole point of wfh is to offer better work life balance. Start this week by divorcing from the idea of ‘working your arse off’ and take a proper one hour lunch break at 12 o clock every day. 30 mins for lunch and 30 mins per day to clean. Schedule what room each day and stick to it. X

What you are doing sounds amazing. Two young boys are hard work.

can you say to your husband ‘take them out for 2 hours in Saturday morning I need to clean the house’ and maybe he could go to the playground or his parents house? It’s so unfair that this is all down to you.

I would also hire a cleaner to come in to help. It’s worth it.

@ComeOnNowww id start by cleaning the bathroom before you use it next . So tonight when you take your shower know you clean the bathroom before you do.

Tomorrow spend an extra ten minutes cleaning the kitchen and do this each day with can room . Then Saturday morning washing in while boys eating and hoover and mop the downstairs . Do the same Sunday morning .

Are you out all day all weekend ? Even if you are start a new weekend routine . Tell the boys nobody goes out until chores are done .
I’d also say a cleaner for two hours a week to do the big jobs . For the first few weeks get them in twice a week to get on top of the house . Then once it’s organised they will have the weekly big jobs and you have time for the small ones .
If you can’t afford them weekly ask for some deep clean hours then go to monthly or keep on top of it yourself .
Can you tell your husband he needs to pay for it as he does nothing else ?

Like many others said, I have a cleaner. It’s not possible otherwise. During most of the primary school years I worked a four day week too.

And you need to start training the DC to be a little bit helpful: set the table, sweep up crumbs etc. it’s a few years yet before they’re going to be fully helpful but it’s using that clinginess to help you. by 9 DS knew that if he was on screens and the dishwasher wasn’t unloaded they would go off. So he has unloaded the dishwasher since.

Get you and them out of the house as much as possible (when there isn’t a weather warning). If they’re charging around in the garden/park it is much better For them mentally and physically… and they aren’t undoing your hard work.

Get the kids to help with tidying / cleaning. (Age appropriate tasks obviously). Make a game of it and/or reward with treats.

I feel you. My house is the same, always has been. I’ve learned to accept it for now because I don’t have the mental resources to tackle it. DH works away Sunday - Thursday so that part of the week I’m the sole carer for 3 teenagers. I’m trying to get them to do chores but sometimes it’s just not worth the battle.

Yeah it’s hard. I do the stuff as I’m going along as much as I can. So while I’m cooking dinner, while it’s simmering etc I wipe round in the kitchen. Before I have a shower I spend a couple of mins wiping the sink. I clean the shower when I’m actually in it. I have a robovac for downstairs, which helps. I hoover upstairs at the weekend while the kids are getting ready to go out for the day.

@ComeOnNowww honestly, a cleaner.
£40 once a fortnight and you come home to a clean and straightened out house. It's such a tonic.
Cut back elsewhere if needed - I never get my nails done etc.
Then sit down with the kids and explain mummy is so tired that you need their help.
I did this after divorce and exhausted from kids sleeping on my bed or getting up super early.
You need them to stay in bed - they can read, but must stay in their rooms. Lights out at say 8.30. Don't run up and down to them.
What happens before bedtime?
Can you plan screens off and something calm for last 20 mins or so?
You need them to tidy their rooms once a week and get dressed independently every day - £2 pocket money if they do.
You definitely need that hour to yourself every evening - don't replace it with cleaning - it's your sanctuary time. Been there.
Good luck with the divorce.
Life will be easier afterwards.