To think the daily routine is impossible. Disgusting house

[ComeOnNowww]

I want help! People's tips. I don't understand how people manage. I live in a fairly large old house.

This is my weekday routine

7am wake
7.30 - 8.30 getting kids ready for school (primary)
8.30 - 9.30 rush to office or back home to wfh.
9.30 - 5 work my arse off. Back to back meetings
5.30 pick up kids from after school
6 - 7 dinner
7 - 8 bath, bed
8 - 9 constantly put kids back to bed. Feel like tearing my hair out
9 - 9.30 basic tidy, dishwasher, check uniforms
9.30 - 10.30 try to do bits but in all honesty drink a wine and watch telly

My house is disgusting. I mean real mess. - my bathrooms are gross, dust everywhere. Im sprinting to stay still. Just about keep the show on the road but dusting, hoovering, proper cleans so hard to do

At the weekend, i do what i can. But all boys - primary school - and theyre so hyper. If I dont take them out they're out of control

What are other women doing? I dont know how womens homes look normal when they have young kids and work FT. My house is bad enough so id be embarrassed to let somone pop round. No parents. Husband MIA.

Practical tips? I feel like im missing something.

@ComeOnNowww your sons are so cute 🥰 and they love you ❤️

Can you afford a cleaner? Sounds like there aren't enough hours in your day. Do you have a partner who could take the boys out on an afternoon or Saturday daytime to give you a chance to sort out the house without then under your feet and wear them out so they'll sleep? My Dad used to take me and my brother out at the weekends to give Mum a break.

Thats so lovely
maybe they’d enjoy starting jobs that add to their independence
such as matching socks
getting their own bags ready for school the night before
putting clean laundry away in the correct rooms / drawers
clearing the table after dinner
washing the car on a sunny day
little jobs that help you feel like you’re pulling together
l

OP I feel you're pain and I think SO MANY of us can relate.

The hardest bit is getting started - whatever the task is I am only motivated by pressure, I've got to have a looming deadline, but also no one bothering me whilst Im attempting to do said task. For example, clearing out kids old clothes. If I know Im going to get interrupted I simply can't face it I am just physically unable to start.

HOWEVER if I get up at 6 and set a 15 minute timer it is literally transformative. The other day I actually ran out of things to do in my 15 mins as I've racked up so many endless tasks in the time I've been doing it. Just work through one small task at a time eg clear top drawer, clean shower etc.

Might be worth a try, you got this!!

@ComeOnNowww what a lovely update.
Lavish praise on them for all small contributions they make.
It won't all change overnight but little steps (and beautiful thoughtfulness from your 6 year old) will be such a tonic for you.
And don't wait until you've done it all to get a cleaner. They will not care that rooms are dirty - I was once a cleaner, it's far more satisfying cleaning a dirty room than a clean one! They could blitz one room a visit while doing a light clean for the rest until the whole house is how you want it.

This is good advice /\

I would add, if you do have an awful partner to go through a divorce with please try anything not to get rundown and exhausted. Sleep enough, drink plenty of water, eat enough. Just try to look after yourself as much as possible and have some quality time with the kids.

If you are cleaning on the go I would try to get a vinegar spray so you aren't blasting too many chemicals around.

All children are different. Some children sleep more, others don't. You also have a useless husband who doesn't play his part and the children see him doing nothing. They probably want some attention from him.

I found with high energy children a local park to run around, scooter, etc after tea, then home bath, read bed. Set a routine.

Don't do any cooking or cleaning or washing for husband. Just do yours and children only. Hes not your responsibility. It's be awful living with that lazy ass.

Set small amts of jobs to do each day a hour or half hour before children are up.

Tell your husband you have an appointment once a week and leave him to it. Make him parent a little. I assume he will have his sons occasionally when you split?

Op, just wanted to say I saw your previous post in response to another posters morning routine where you say you aren’t a good mum. Reread this post back to make sure you realise that , yes, you are. You have emotionally intelligent young boys who aren’t afraid to be affectionate with their mum or to do things for her without her having to nag. They love you, that’s clear to see from what you write. That’s so important. Over time and the years you will get to grips with routine, things will change, your marital status, home maybe , job etc, the kids will grow, but the relationship you build and develop from such a young age is so vital, and helps them become the people they will when older. They won’t remember the messy bathroom or the chaotic mornings sometimes, but they will remember how safe they felt with you, the grounding space you gave to them and comfort that wasn’t transactional or non existent, but always there no matter what. That’s the most important thing, and something you should really be proud of during what sounds like a really stressful time in your marriage.

That’s what’s at the core of the issue, you are doing everything with zero help. Once he’s gone, you might find you actually do have more time to sort your house and routine what with him having the kids on certain days freeing you up. Or, if that’s not likely to happen, then atleast with him gone that’s one less manchild to look after who is creating mess.

It wont be like this forever , in the meantime take small steps to move forward and make life easier for you all, and be content in the fact you have children who clearly love you and see you as home.

sending love xxx

Weekly cleaner is the answer if you can afford.

Whatever state it's in you could sort it in a few dedicated hours on a Saturday, try not to feel overwhelmed or down about it. Everyone's place gets like it. Have a cleaning Saturday with all hands on deck, the kids can tidy up their tours or whatever is age appropriate. My house isn't spotless and can always do with a clean but it stays relatively tidy after a clean for a while if I put things away at the end of the day and wipe down surfaces however half arsedly randomly throughout the week. I often wipe down the bathroom with my flannel after washing my face while I'm brushing my teeth, weird maybe but otherwise it'll get dusty if I'm waiting for the next time I properly clean 🤷🏻‍♀️

It is unrelentingly hard with kids at that age. So glad mine are older.
In terms of practical solutions,

1. if you can possibly afford a cleaner even once a fortnight it’s a big help.
2. If possible to get hubs to pull weight, do. Try - please bring in the laundry while I cook the tea. Please do the online shop while I do kids bath etc. So he has to do. while you do Y.
3. Becreally strict with your kids that you don’t expect to see them again once light is out (and do that quickly.) That’s how we were all brought up and it worked.

Addinf a couple of things that have helped me
Less stuff on show = less clutter, less to tidy, less to attract dust. Clearer surfaces are easier to clean.
A robot mop/hoover. Yes it’s an outlay but it does the majority of the work for you. It can go on when ppl are asleep or when out at work.

Like TH. Will add it to my list ☺️

Ooh also a shower spray. Spray it on after your shower. Dry your self. Then rinse the spray off. I don’t have to clean my shower anymore as a separate job.
A trap for hair in shower - buy
them from Amazon. No more blocked plugholes.

Agree with previous posters, robovac has been a game changer.
I do stuff like cleaning the bathroom whilst I’m in it giving everything a quick wipe when I’m just out of the shower before bed.
When my 3 dcs were younger I once caught myself wondering if I should eat my breakfast before I went to bed to save time in the morning 🤣

Even better buy a spray that doesn’t need rinsing off

I haven't read the whole thread, sorry for any repetition

A clear start is what's needed. If this were me, I would set aside a whole weekend (rope in grandparents or friends to have the children) and if necessary pay for a cleaner to work alongside you.

Deep clean the whole house. True proper clean, declutter, get the carpets cleaned and oven professionally cleaned too.

Once you have a baseline. Go from there. I would get up 30 minutes earlier and take one job a day. Hoover high traffic areas one day, bathroom another day, dusting another etc. Load of washing on when you get up and hang it out before you leave. Beds made by kids and laundry into basket each day.

In the evening - clean as you go cooking or batch cook once a month so two nights a week you have quick go to meals. For me, a clean kitchen before bed and a quick whip round to pack away clutter is the key. Wipe sinks after use and wipe bath etc after use.

My house is always neat and tidy with this method and I dont feel overwhelmed.

I've just spent a week deep cleaning my house. It was exhausting and wreaked my nails. 🤣 It was embarrassing eg I didn't even realise how filthy our doors were. If I'm honest I'm also a bit pissed off that I had to use my annual leave to do it.

But it is lovely now. My kitchen echoes! (It's tiny, it's just that there is nothing on the counters to absorb noise now.) It is much easier to see when something needs addressing eg I can see that I need to wipe the floor right now whereas before it would have just been lost amongst everything else.

I have given myself permission to use whatever needs to be used. For instance floor wipes are dreadful for the environment and finances but they work and I am more likely to get a couple of those out than clothes and bowls and cleaning fluid.

Now I'm going to try to use TOMM to keep on top of it.