To think the daily routine is impossible. Disgusting house

[ComeOnNowww]

I want help! People's tips. I don't understand how people manage. I live in a fairly large old house.

This is my weekday routine

7am wake
7.30 - 8.30 getting kids ready for school (primary)
8.30 - 9.30 rush to office or back home to wfh.
9.30 - 5 work my arse off. Back to back meetings
5.30 pick up kids from after school
6 - 7 dinner
7 - 8 bath, bed
8 - 9 constantly put kids back to bed. Feel like tearing my hair out
9 - 9.30 basic tidy, dishwasher, check uniforms
9.30 - 10.30 try to do bits but in all honesty drink a wine and watch telly

My house is disgusting. I mean real mess. - my bathrooms are gross, dust everywhere. Im sprinting to stay still. Just about keep the show on the road but dusting, hoovering, proper cleans so hard to do

At the weekend, i do what i can. But all boys - primary school - and theyre so hyper. If I dont take them out they're out of control

What are other women doing? I dont know how womens homes look normal when they have young kids and work FT. My house is bad enough so id be embarrassed to let somone pop round. No parents. Husband MIA.

Practical tips? I feel like im missing something.

Cleaner once a fortnight.

Honestly I feel the same and I only work 2 days 😂 I have fibromyalgia and PMDD. On my days off I have 1 or 2 tasks to do per day and even then I struggle. The fact you work full time and keep your kids well fed and dressed and in school is such an achievement. As long as your kitchen is hygienic to cook etc I’d just lower your expectations of yourself. Other people have help. I don’t care what they say. Even if it’s parents who take the kids to dance class or something once a week. In reality, other women have husbands who do half the work, cleaners & a full village including friends who do play dates and share school runs etc. That’s time people use to clean. You don’t have that village. Don’t be so hard on yourself 🩷

I think the first thing you need to do is get your husband out of your space. You'll be able to see so much more clearly. Having someone in your space is a mess in itself.

This is not going to be popular but I switched to quick fix products/ consumables.

for the floor, flash wipes/ floor mop thing. It feels wasteful but the floor is something I had really been struggling to get on top of. I’ve stopped worrying about the cost of buying these (they are pricey) as I don’t have a cleaner and this enables me to keep on top of things.

for the bathroom, one of those dishwashing sponge on a stick that you fill with fairy liquid, plus a dry cloth. They live out on display (so that I use them, a quick swish a dry after my daily shower) but I can always stash them in a cupboard very quickly if expecting company.

i’m still looking for more quick fixes like this. Robovac when I can afford one. That sort of thing….

Cleaner if you can afford it. We have one 4 hour clean once per month. It’s £80 so still obviously a big spend/luxury but £20 per week doesn’t feel wildly expensive or unmanageable like a weekly clean would (for us, anyway). It’s just enough that everything is clean and ‘reset’ every 4 weeks so no massive dust or grime is able to accumulate. Although it probably does help that DH is a complete tidy freak!

Also, as you’ve got the space, get shitloads of storage boxes/baskets so that everything has a home and can quickly chucked into the right place at the end of the day.

Re the shower… some practical advice… I clean mine when I’m in it. Takes like 2 mins. I have a sponge washing up liquid and a squeegie thing in there.

No young kids as dd is a teenager but both she and DH can be messy. DH does clean the kitchen every time he uses it and does all the laundry and the dishwasher etc.

Also in a big, old house and it is clean and tidy 99% of the time and I work full time mostly from home. So, I have a cleaner once a week but I do a basic tidy, clean main living area daily and don’t go to bed on a messy kitchen/eating/living area ever. Reset every day so it’s fresh in the morning.

But I do most actual cleaning first thing and I get up at 5am. That’s just when I naturally wake up btw - not getting up at 5 to clean but I do it if it needs going. I never do the bathrooms, only the cleaner does those. I probably hoover twice a week downstairs and cleaner does up and down once a week.

Honestly getting up even half an hour earlier is a game changer. You feel ahead of your self for the day instead of behind.

Hey here’s a weird tip from a Boy Mum a my ds absolutely loved listening to classical music at bedtime age 5-6. He really can’t sleep without it now!

He does not like reading at bedtime - we always do that before school

He’s 7 now so he has moved on to the theme tunes of ET, Star Wars, Harry Potter and similar - he has a playlist he likes the same tunes in the same order each night.

At first I had to sit with him until he settled but now I just say “bedtime now, goodnight” and turn on the music and leave .

He is absolutely NOT a classical music kind of kid - just your typical tear away who moans about schoolwork. But maybe it’s worth a try!

Same. I’ve come to the conclusion that the time to myself is more important than living in a show home because that’s what allows me to stay calm and present with DC. So long as the house isn’t actually hazardous, just roll with it. We’re all doing our best 🤷‍♀️

YANBU
i simply cannot bear all these replies which say oo I have a cleaner or ooh clean the shower when you are in it. Be realistic
My house was a tip for years, it's impossible without either one parent working full time and constantly tidying up or getting a cleaner .There is simply too much to do with 2 young kids. Enjoy the time with them while they are young and go easy on yourself. I prioritised quality time with kids and actually getting out and doing a hobby once or twice a week. This would result in DH doing bedtime on those night and house looking even worse and him doing sweet FA but that is another story.
Now i am single, my house is tidy, but quiet and I look back with fondness on the time with them.
It all depends what level of mess you can tolerate
When you are tired...REST, not clean. The men do. Otherwise you will burn out

I have a cleaner

and 7 am is a lie in! 5.30 I am up get stuff done and get myself ready

I LOVE KC Davis’s book “How to keep house while drowning” - it really drains the shame around all this stuff and is fiercely practical. I wish it had been around when my older 2 dc were little and I felt like a total failure. She’s absolutely brilliant. Someone upthread mentioned Remi Clog on YouTube, too, and I love her.

Yeah, I’d knock wine on the head if you feel it’s interfering with your sleep, etc. (Apols if I misread/misunderstood.) I gave up drinking when my older 2 were little - I was caring for my then-H who couldn’t contribute around the house, one of my DC was autistic, my XH was chronically ill and addicted, and I was depressed. (Fun times!) Booze did not help one bit.

We have a cleaner come every fortnight now. It IS expensive, but I make savings elsewhere - basic cosmetics, don’t drink alcohol, buy everything secondhand, etc. I know not everyone can do that.

But my biggest recommendation is to read K C Davis.

My only comment is that one person isn’t able to manage full time work and full time house management successfully. That’s why historically we’d be looking at a man working and a woman taking care of the house. Or hired staff. There just aren’t enough hours in the day to be on top of both. I don’t agree with the comments about waking earlier or losing your house pre sleep - you need these to remain sane.

I know you are saving money but a cleaner every 2 weeks would make the world of difference!

Maybe already mentioned op but what about one of those clocks that turns different colours for when it's time to be in bed and when it's time to get up so the kids can have a very visual cut off? Would something like that help?

try putting the routine up where they get ready (With pictures if they struggle to read). I've seen some with a fold up flap for each bit then velcros, so once they've done that thing they pin it up and move onto the next one.

EG

Toilet Toothbrush pjs into hamper underwear on clothes on

brush hair breakfast check backpack and water bottle leave for school

Then ideally a visual checklist of what goes in the backpack too, next to where it's kept.

Same for bedtime, visual checklist, so you know (& they know) when they've got everything they need and it's time to go to sleep. [And once it's all ticked off, you don't do more stuff, you just put them back to bed]
Probably want to include some stuff in the evening checklist to get ready for the morning, eg picking clothes out and putting them somewhere specific.

If you watch some supernanny stuff, she's got loads of examples of charts and routines and stuff, which would work for lots of families as they're all like, handmade and totally customisable.

Also if you leave your conditioner on to soak in for a few mins, that's the window to scrub the shower! You could keep a one of those washing up sponges with the handle you can add soap into in the shower for that purpose!

I use one of my days off to clean and do all the housekeeping crap but if I worked full time then I simply couldn’t do it. I would have to employ a cleaner and more.

maybe the kids can start to do something?

I am starting to put in place a few things like: children take out bins, they collect their washing… online food shop. But it only scratches the surface.

Being a minimalist.
Only having what you need and use, anything new comes in something old goes out.

Hi @ComeOnNowww i was a completely loan parent ( but only one girl) but had quite a full on long job. I agree with @JLou08 do little bits as you go. Sounds like H needs to move out for a bit. Or if he doesnt want to he has to do something whilst you put the kids to bed.
I have always tried to have a cleaner as much as i could afford to. Then i did washing thurs night, house admin sunday night and a regular weekly online food delivery.
when my dd was little i struggled to get up before 7 but as she got older i got up at 6am and that hour made me feel calmer. I didnt ever drink when i was alone but i never had the stress of dealing with an annoying husband like you have.
it's so hard and i really feel for you xx

Please don’t adopt this grim habit. you know where all these stinking adults come from, the children who thought having a bath was optional!

Such as....?

Not all children (particularly pre-puberty) do need a bath daily. Unless they are properly unclean/ warm and sweaty or have been doing sport. I let ds have a splash around in the bath most nights because he likes it but he could easily get away with no bath and a wipe down with a flannel for a couple of days.

Op is clearly struggling so she is allowed to make her life a little easier provided she's not being neglectful or leaving the kids smelly.

@ComeOnNowww it’s so hard. I only have one crazy 5yo but totally understand where you are coming from as he is physically exhausting. I have realised that I value the couple of hours before bed too much to waste in on doing things. I used to feel like I couldn’t do anything until he was in bed but then by the time that happened I was too shattered to do anything. I started trying to make sure that I am pretty much always multitasking when I am doing things for him.

So, cleaning up kitchen as I go when making dinner- empty/fill dishwasher when waiting for pasta to boil, wipe down as I go etc. Also one pot/minimally mess making meals, e.g throw pasta and broccoli in the same pot of water, lots of air fryer meals etc.

Wipe down bathrooms and throw on a wash while he’s having a 10 min play in the bath.

Tidy away clutter in the 5/10 min gaps between putting him to bed and getting him his 96th glass of water.

I also optimised my storage to make sure tidying is easy- storage baskets that the toys can be chucked into, laundry baskets in every room etc. Everything has a place and it’s not instagram worthy but at least on the surface it looks tidy! If you have too much stuff to have a place for everything then chuck some stuff.

I also gave up on hanging out clothes and use the dryer for everything which I know isn’t ideal but at least if you are wrecked you can just leave the stuff in the dryer over night and not add to the clutter.

That way once it gets to 9pm the house is relatively tidy and I can sit down and actually relax rather than sit down but feel like shit that the house is a mess. It doesn’t work 100% of the time but it has improved things somewhat!

Im patting myself on the back tonight as I stayed calm at bedtime and im drinking herb tea instead of wine. And the kids made their own packed lunches. Badly. But I guess it's about the habit of them helping at 5 and 6. Bedtime was strung out again but their bedrooms are so uncomfortably hot so not the night to put in a new routine perhaps. I cleaned 2 x toilets in btw meetings. So progress. House is still a tip. But I feel more upbeat. Think ill have to call some divorce lawyers tomorrow. And i need to lose weight. And look after myself. I never exercise. But a clearer house will help all that maybe. I will get a cleaner but I'd be too embarrassed right now.

I have been there and sometimes still trying to stay afloat but what helped:

• Involved the kids. I have 3 kids including boys in primary school and if they tidy up, vacuum and generally help they get pocket money. Money i incentivised them 😂
• Every morning I put a load the moment I woke up. I also bought a dryer and since getting it it has saved my life.
• My husband is responsible for bathrooms. He does a good clean once a week (ie removing limescale from a bathroom etc) and we put bleach in the toilet daily.
• During dinner when I finish (usually the kids take forever messing around). I load dishwasher, clean the kitchen etc immediately while the kids are still on the table.
• I bought a cordless vacuum cleaner and I vacuum daily kitchen/dining when we finish dinner.

Is are house perfect? Certainly not. Is it better? Yes