To think the daily routine is impossible. Disgusting house

[ComeOnNowww]

I want help! People's tips. I don't understand how people manage. I live in a fairly large old house.

This is my weekday routine

7am wake
7.30 - 8.30 getting kids ready for school (primary)
8.30 - 9.30 rush to office or back home to wfh.
9.30 - 5 work my arse off. Back to back meetings
5.30 pick up kids from after school
6 - 7 dinner
7 - 8 bath, bed
8 - 9 constantly put kids back to bed. Feel like tearing my hair out
9 - 9.30 basic tidy, dishwasher, check uniforms
9.30 - 10.30 try to do bits but in all honesty drink a wine and watch telly

My house is disgusting. I mean real mess. - my bathrooms are gross, dust everywhere. Im sprinting to stay still. Just about keep the show on the road but dusting, hoovering, proper cleans so hard to do

At the weekend, i do what i can. But all boys - primary school - and theyre so hyper. If I dont take them out they're out of control

What are other women doing? I dont know how womens homes look normal when they have young kids and work FT. My house is bad enough so id be embarrassed to let somone pop round. No parents. Husband MIA.

Practical tips? I feel like im missing something.

The only people I know with both children and tidy houses either:

1. Have a sahp
2. Have a cleaner
3. Are extreme minimalists
4. Are really talented at hiding everything behind the sofa before guests come over and it's all an illusion
5. Have extremely helpful DH and kids who also pitch in.

I do laundry in the week - whites on a Friday so can include all school shirts.
And I clean the house every Saturday.
It's still a mess!

Do you have children @Whynottryagain

I've only just managed to get our two boys (3 and 5) sleeping in their shared bedroom on their own and actually going to sleep on their own so we're only a few weeks into dealing with the reappearance theatrics, but what's currently working for me is allowing them to come out twice for whatever nonsense reason they can come up with, but after the second time I say they must stay in bed now or there is no tele time tomorrow. You can decide what they value enough (and what you can live without if they do reappear again!) and swap that in. Perhaps not the best parenting in the world, but it's effective so far and it cuts the faffing time down to 10 minutes rather than an hour!

On the house, can you set aside some time for a reset clean? I struggle to find the time for cleaning too but when it gets bad I spend the night cleaning - I do the things that have the best visual impact like clean the bathrooms, hoover all the carpets and wipe down the kitchen cabinets, door handles and any other bits the kids get their sticky mits on and then I feel much better! You'll have to forgo one night of wine and TV, but it'll be worth it, and then I try and stay on top of it all for as long as poss (usually works great until my OH is alone with the kids for one dinner/bedtime and then its a disaster zone again)..

Your H sounds like a knob. He should be doing the cleaning whilst you do bedtime, not lying on the sofa. This is what my OH does whilst I do bedtime (I'm also the preferred parent) - he washes up the dinner stuff and wipes the kitchen surfaces down. Takes the bins out of they're full. I'd love it if he did other cleaning jobs too but I take the win!

Can the children help a little? Put things away?
I'm sure they are not overfilled with sugar and fake foods so not chemically disrupted.
One action to clear an item - you wash a plate, you dry the plate you put it away. Done.
No.piles of laundry. One day a week clean the bathroom takes a half hour if that.
One maybe two days a week vacuum - 15 minutes
Damp dusting - one day a week - half an hour.
A wee routine helps me - good luck

I only have one DS (7) but we both work full time (I work from home most days, but also from office sometimes).
It's mostly me tidying up and cleaning, but what works for us:

• there is a cleaner coming every other week to do bathrooms, floors and dust surfaces - this gives a bit of super basic maintenance
• we have a hoover robot that cleans the floors downstairs every night
• overtime we worked out that splitting tasks with DH didn't work well, as he's better or more committed to some than others. So now he's in charge of 1-2 things he does well and those tasks are the things he does every day and part of his 'house chores routine'.
• I tidy as I go and encourage DS to do the same.
• I enforce very few simple rules: eating and drinking only at the table, no food upstairs, the only place for dirty laundry is the basket.
• Food shopping is almost entirely online, saving me a good few hours weekly.
• My routine when I work from home is:

Wake up at 7am. Shower/hair/make up etc by 7,30. Get breakfast ready for me and DS (DH is out of the door much earlier), do laundry (a load on, folding what's dry), get DS's school bag ready plus any other school related prep. Wake up DS at 7,50. After years of practicing now he does not need reminders about brushing teeth etc and goes downstairs for breakfast after. We eat breakfast until 8,20, then I help him quickly get dressed and school run. Back at around 8,50 so I make beds/tidy bedrooms until starting work at 9. I take a 10 minutes break in the morning, then about 30 minutes lunchtime and another 10 in the afternoon. In those breaks I normally do more tidying up or cleaning. Then after work/school pick up I don't do much around the house. If we are home we just spend time together, either watching some TV or doing homework or playing, until it's time for cooking and bed time. In the evening DH is home so he sorts out the after cooking/eating mess while I get DS showered and ready for bed. Then we enjoy some TV on the sofa together and I normally go upstairs to read a bit before falling asleep.

Are you taking any breaks during the day while working? Because you are entitled to a lunch hour? For me it's insanely productive.

Kids are in and out of bed for an hour and not settling? I found mine got pretty ramped up after a bath not sleepy so straight to bed didn't work especially now it's bright in the evenings. We did maybe two very chilled BBC programmes like Sarah and Duck if that's still on. While they watch that and wind down a bit you can do something really boring like cleaning the bathroom, pairing socks, hoovering [especially if it disturbs a useless husband]. At bedtime then one story and bed, if they are ricocheting in and out they can either help or hop into bed with a picture book. A hoover might be useful white noise but ultimately if you are not sitting in front of the TV then they are not missing the party downstairs??

If your useless lump of a husband is actually in the house, then for now while he is around get up early and get out for a walk at 5 or 6am. You won't be able to leave them in the house early to get some exercise so you may as well get some benefit out of him right now.

If the house is full of toys then start to sort out those for very small children. Any nieces or nephews or small friends and we found that our kids would happily give them old toys "on loan". Charity shop, not so much.

But really, if your husband is not pulling his weight, make a list of chores for this Saturday and tell him he either gets the kids up and out from 8am until 5pm feeding them breakfast and lunch or chooses 50% of the list and cracks on. The kids can help and between you all the house [unless massive] should be fairly clean by 1pm. You can all do something nice then.

Every week throw a bin bag of old stuff

I think you're doing a terrific job. What a shame your DH is a deadbeat. Your routine sounds pretty normal to me - none of us realise how hard it is until we're in it (I have twins). It's easier with two parents, sharing bedtime or clearing up, for example.
I do think it gets easier though. Your boys will be able to do more to help once they're a bit older. You have some good tips here. Don't beat yourself up xx

There are so many good suggest here; I especially like the tokens-for-tv. You could extend that with the 6yo getting dressed on their own (probably best that you still select school clothes 😄) & other tasks that will give you a free moment or two.
The bed earlier / up earlier plan is excellent but it doesn’t have to be 5 mornings a week; just 2 or 3 will give you enough extra hours to be productive. Try reading a novel in bed, it’s more relaxing than tv & one of the Good Sleep Hygiene practices.
Oh yeah, and all those “can’t stand to live in a mess” Mums either lie (🙀) or pay a cleaner.

Cleaning the house while the kids are young is like shovelling snow while it's still snowing.
When it comes to mess, those that mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.
Put them on posters for anyone who whinges at you. Seriously, not that long ago most mums didn't work outside the home, and those who did were "superwomen" who had glittering glass ceiling buster careers and did everything perfectly around the house. Or so the story goes. Just do what you can. Sit with your partner and list the priorities, and ignore the rest. Giving age-appropriate chores helps too, and if family who help with childcare offer, don't be too proud to give them a list too (I was never that lucky, but unlike others, I wouldn't refuse it).

It sounds as if your DC are all in school. That means they are old enough to get involved with some of the chores, eg tidying up, checking bags and uniform, clearing up after dinner. These are not things you need to do in your only free time, they are things to do together while they are up. At the weekend, they can help with cleaning, they could at least hoover or wash the kitchen floor, depending on age. Don't run yourself ragged while they are sitting around bored and hyper, they need to be busy.
You can clean the bathroom while they are having a bath, and train them to make sure wet towels are hung up or put in the laundry.
Make sure you have enough uniform to last the whole week so you are not having to keep doing the laundry, or worry about who has got what clean. Do it on Friday straight after school, so it's dry ready to put away early on in the weekend.
Get on top with lists and rotas and a meal plan. Everyone needs to help with the meal plan, and then do a regular online shop, ordering far enough in advance to get a delivery slot that works for you - at a time when they will be home to help put it away.
If you work from home, be strict about your hours - if you are entitled to a lunch break, then take it. Use it for whatever best works for you: a walk/laundry/food prep, but take it. You could actually eat your lunch while working, then use your full hour for something else.
A fulltime job with DC is always going to be hard, and having a DP around who doesn't help is just another thing to make your load heavier. If finances allow, outsource what you can: cleaning, laundry and so on. If not, look at what you can drop - maybe only use one of the bathrooms, or simplify some meals ( beans on toast) , ironing ( your DC won't care if their school uniform is ironed or not, if they do, then they can do it themselves).

I'm a lone parent op and honestly I found it weirdly easier doing things on my own because you just know you have to, you are plan a and b so your own routine becomes very important.

I would look at the age of your kids and get them more involved and incentive them to do certain tasks around the house. My 3yo is responsible for clearing up his own toys after playing, we do laundry together (he loads the machine/ unloads it while I hang and then he puts his clothes away into the baskets in his room). He is responsible for putting his things in their place when he gets home from nursery. As he gets older those tasks will obviously change with his ability.

I outsource what I can on a budget, so groceries are delivered to me and I get my windows cleaned and pay for my car to be cleaned, i also treated myself to a robot lawnmower so i don't need to cut the lawn. I cook mostly in the slow cooker and batch cook once a week so I'll do a large pot on the hob and then have the slow cooker going at the same time. Means I only need to do lots of dishes once a week and the rest of the week it's serving stuff only and means much quicker, decent dinners every day and no mental arithmetic of what to have for dinner. I tend to cook the same 4-5 meals on rotation that ds and I both like. I prep everything including lunches and overnight oats for breakfasts.

I prioritise downstairs every night. So I make sure my kitchen is cleared and clean surfaces and quick under table sweep, tidy in living room and make sure things are in their place. I use baskets for different toys so everything can just be dumped in by type and looks tidy enough.

I then pick a room a night on top of that and do a sweep for 30-40 minutes, so bathrooms one night, my bedroom one night, my sons one night (though he does everything bar dusting hoovering and sheet changes in there so it never takes much). I hoover and mop downstairs once a week.

I wft but I do 2x days a week from home and I utilise my lunch hours for any catching up cleaning. My aim every week is to try to keep on top during the week and then we're out as much as possible during the weekend which also means less cleaning needed. I do a load of washing most nights to keep on top of it.

I hear you about bedtime, mine struggles with it too and it really reduces the downtime I get. I prioritise the bare minimum cleaning on those days and I also work up a few minutes flexi time every day so then once a month or two I give myself a day to myself, i spend the morning catching up if needed and the rest of the time doing something for me.

If your husband takes your kids some times during the week as custody arrangements that will make it easier. I'm not going to lie I basically live like we are both going to get ill tomorrow but it means I never really let myself get too behind. And then if we are sick or something happens it's not a massive issue to get caught up.

Doing a declutter is also a key part of managing mess. The less things you have and the clearer their place to go is the better.

Yes.

My house was a tip when my dc were this age and I had a 2 hour daily commute and useless husband who I divorced because if this.
one tip I have when I wfh is every time I go to use the bathroom I’ll quickly wash the sink, then the next time the toilet then the bath. So the dirt doesn’t build up. Do little jobs as and when you can but I think you are understandably exhausted so don’t push yourself as it’s a hard time.

And your house a tip or do you fall in to
one of those categories?

I don’t fall in to any of those categories and I have children and I am a single parent and my house is absolutely not a tip, pretty much the opposite in fact

Once you’ve cleaned the bathroom make it a habit to wipe / dust the bathroom with a wad of tissue in the mornings when it’s damp from showers to stop the buildup of grossness. It takes literally a minute and keeps it looking clean all week. Then the actual clean with products at the weekend is really easy and quick.

I put in a flexible working request and work a 9 day fortnight. Every other Friday (my day off) I spend deep cleaning the house. Its the only way I can keep on top of things

A tip for getting/keeping on top of the bathroom - clean it every day when you’re in there - while brushing teeth, while bathing the kids, a few mins after going to toilet etc. then it never gets bad and always looks roughly presentable.

can also apply to kitchen - do it when you’re cooking, making cup
of tea etc.

tidying - turn into a game for the kids?

I think everyone is different, my house always looks pristine even when I had a youngster because I can’t rest if anything slightly out of order. I still get up at 5.15 to fit a walk in before work and do something every day tidying wise. Could never live in a mess but I have a very tidy organised nature.

Eg - put mission impossible music on and see how much they can tidy before the end

use a timer and make it a competition- who can tidy most before the timer goes off

use a marble jar etc with a marble for each thing tidied and a prize for a full jar etc

You don’t have to take it personally, the PP wasn’t saying you have a dirty house. There are always exceptions to general rules!

I had 3 under 3 .DH worked away and mine were horrendous
Utterly horrendously behaved
(Autism diagnosis came later )
But anyway..I used to shower the night before,get dressed for the next day and then sleep in my clothes.. because I couldn't leave them alone in a morning unsupervised while I got dressed .
I'm not suggesting that ..I'm not suggesting autism either .
But you definitely need to get up earlier..7 am is to late .
Is there a breakfast club or after school club you could book them in to ?
You need a break ..you need to carve out some child free time ..
I had mine at all kinds of activities.. because if they didn't go to bed exhausted,they were not going to sleep
If no activity after school ,I took them to the park for an hour ,or to a field with a football..imho ..boys are like puppies..you have to exhaust them .
I think... concentrate on getting them asleep earlier,by exhausting him ...and that will free up a bit of your evenings to do a small cleaning job a day ..if you manage a small job a day ,it soon adds up to a clean house .
I have a rota ,so I know which job I have to do each day ..I'm still struggling,but now I'm on ritalin I'm more on top of things..( not suggesting ritalin for you ,just saying that's what helps me )
And ,again ,try to get them in to breakfast club ..so you have to get them up earlier

I fall in to several of those categories. My house is average - neither a tip, nor a show home.

Good for you.

but everyone you know who doesn’t fall in to any of those categories and has kids lives in a tip. That’s unusual that they all live like this but 🤷‍♀️