AIBU to think my friend should mind her own business?

[MounjaMum]

Last month I spent £540 in going out. That does not include when we go out as a family and my husband pays. I wanted a new handbag as I was running shot and didn't want to dip in savings so hinted to my husband and he gave me the money towards it. My friend said that it was unreasonable of me to do so.
She is saying that I should stop going out so much and should have left it till when I have the money. I am actually upset by the way she said it and told her as much and she is saying that I am acting like a spoilt 'bitch' - her exact words.
Am I being unreasonable in thinking that she should mind her own business!

Tbh you both sound like braggers and shallow.Clearly dont know what it means to be skint!

Thank you - I am responsible with money. I don't use credit cards and spend what I do not have.

I agree. I can’t be arsed to muster up any sympathy for OP’s complaint.

Sounds like everything's great then. I just would say if you talk money with people you may get some comments you don't like so be careful who you talk to and if this friend says something again then call her a spoilt bitch back.

What business is that of a) you and b) the OP's friend?

The OP's husband bought her a bag, apparently quite happily. It doesn't matter whether it was a 'want' or a 'need' or anything in between. He's her husband. He can spend his money on a gift for her if he wants to. It's nobody else's business and it doesn't warrant her friend literally calling her a bitch because [checks notes] her husband didn't mind treating her to something. Jeez.

Exactly this.

I can’t comment on whether you’re a bitch or not OP but you have certainly been spoilt throughout your life and unfortunately the two words just roll off the tongue easily together - ie calling someone spoilt often has the word bitch after it - I doubt your friend meant the second word.

In fairness to you and your parents it is difficult not to spoil your children when you have as much wealth as they clearly do - (although Bill and Melinda Gates managed it just fine). You are being incredibly tone deaf though. I wonder if this is cultural? If I had to guess I’d say you, and your husband, are 2nd or 3rd generation British and therefore your cultural background has ways of acting that are not typically “British”.

I earn 6 figure salaries (when I’m working) and I still get handbags, shoes, etc repaired rather than replaced. I cook for my family even though meal planning is boring. It’s perfectly normal to buy quality items and look after your belongings. I know you say you have a job but it sounds like you have an incredibly easy life and you never “go without” or even delay gratification. It’s not a great trait and I can see why your friend would call you out on it.

You and your friend group sound rather materialistic and are obviously quite “show offy” when it comes to money … it’s it all a bit of keeping up with the Jones’? Why do you all feel the need to tell each other how much things cost? Validation that you all have money or something?

Are you from the UK?

It's one thing to go shopping together and hence discuss the price of things BUT it's quite another to discuss your monthly finances with friends.

Sounds like a bit of jealousy, too.

Do yourself a favour and have these conversations with DH privately.

A whole week of shit junk food for the kids because you don’t like cooking.

That’s my takeaway from this….(see what I did there, I’m here all week…)

No you spend other peoples!

She may of been referring to the fact that you couldn’t cook a meal when your husband was away. I find that v odd. I understand going out a few times but not because you’re unable to make a simple mid-week meal.

For me and, it seems, many posters on this thread, it seems that speaking about the cost of things isn’t the norm.
I was brought up that to ask or to tell someone what something cost, it’s rude and not really done.
On the odd occasion if I had something my friend wanted to buy she may say “was it expensive” and then I’d tell her but other than that I wouldn’t announce it.
I’m northern if it makes a difference.

No, that's not normal. It breeds resentment, and ill feeling, as you are discovering.

'Your dress is nice - where did you get it from?'- 'River Island - £x' - is that not normal between good friends?

Nope. I'd just say, "River Island." I might mention if it was in the sale, or if I thought it was a bargain, but I still wouldn't give the exact price.

'X got me this bracelet for my birthday - 'cannot believe he paid £800, I think it looks awful'

Absolutely not. I wouldn't tell a friend that X had spent £800 on my present; neither would I say to a third party that I thought it was awful - sounds ungrateful and might get back to X.

'Y wants some new trainers - he has outgrown his ones already - bloody Jordans are over £200!'

I would only say this in the context of, "so he's certainly not getting Jordans". TBH if I told a friend I was spending £200 on a child's trainers (or my trainers come to that) they'd think I'd lost the plot.

This what you wrote OP "I wanted a new handbag as I was running shot"
No one is making stuff up, it was badly phrased so people interpreted it as meaning short of bags rather than money.

Hopefully to teach her children to cook.

"What woman does not like shopping"

Are you for real? Plenty of us don't.

Exactly. All the 'expensive' brands plus niche brands offer a repair or/and refurb service. Belstaff, Mulberry etc. That's what people do, buy, look after, repair, keep using.
OPs comment regarding this really does make me think this is a fake post and she is bored.

duplicate post

It sounds a bit of a strange conversation so can't really get a grasp on how I feel about it.

The only bit that stood out to me was OP having restaurant/take away food for five nights on the trot because the Designated Cook was away and she wouldn't consider cooking simple meals for even some of the nights he was away.

I don't like cooking. And I could afford to eat 'out' for five nights in a row but I'd end up making an omelette or beans on toast or pasta at least a few nights. Maybe it's a perceived self-indulgence or learned helplessness the friend was reacting to? But who knows really?

But her DH cooks. She said that.

You sound extremely entitled, selfish and spoilt rotten. It's not about the money for me it's the selfishness and lack of thought for your husband and children that I cannot get over. Think you really need to grow up and put others before yourself for once. Being a spoilt princess diva isn't a good look.

She said to teach her kids TO cook, not HOW to cook.

Eg, that just when the usual cook in the household goes away for a week, this does not mean other adults and the rest of the household should immediately pivot to ordering takeaways/eating out rather than cook themselves simple meals.

They lack healthy food.