AIBU to think my friend should mind her own business?

[MounjaMum]

Last month I spent £540 in going out. That does not include when we go out as a family and my husband pays. I wanted a new handbag as I was running shot and didn't want to dip in savings so hinted to my husband and he gave me the money towards it. My friend said that it was unreasonable of me to do so.
She is saying that I should stop going out so much and should have left it till when I have the money. I am actually upset by the way she said it and told her as much and she is saying that I am acting like a spoilt 'bitch' - her exact words.
Am I being unreasonable in thinking that she should mind her own business!

The question isn't 'should I have spent X on a takeaway', the question is 'should my friend be commenting on my spending'.

Yes, the OP says her and her friend are always talking about how much things cost. So I do believe the friend can comment, just like she can comment back that her friend is being a spoilt bitch not liking her £800 present.

Especially when she spends the same

You are getting abit of a hard time op. I suspect for many reasons, cost of living crisis and all that. Life is hard for many. I am just literally trying to claw my way back to breaking even after two years of not working. Only saying this as I can understand where those posters are coming from. At the end of the day, its your marriage and your money - both of which you appear to be fully in control of 🤗. So all good.

It might be a good idea to be abit more reserved about your finances, with that particular friend if you are uncomfortable with what she said. I very rarely discuss money/what things cost etc with any of my friends. I have been earning 6figures, and I have been on UC. My friends wouldn't have known either.

Her husband’s money is her money vice versa. There is nothing spoiled about speaking to her life partner about money for a bag. And he happily provided it so what is the issue?

The money for food was not solely for her was it?

Did you NEED a new handbag? Had your one and only handbag broken? Was it not repairable?
Or
Did you WANT a new handbag?

There's the difference.

100%

Thank you - this is a more helpful and less judgemental feedback. I take on board what you have said. Thank you and hope you are doing better now x

That's not what I was trying to say.

The definition of spoiled as in being well treated, which is exactly what the husband did. She was spoiled when he husband gave her his card so she could buy a new bag - was she not?

Now you are just being silly - who repairs handbags? Next you will say get a thread and needle and sew my clothes instead of getting new ones.

It sounds like she hasn't commented in this way before, so it's reasonable that the OP may be taken aback by that. If OP is sensitive to that happening, then she shouldn't share.

Exactly my thoughts

Well actually the question was:

Am I being unreasonable in thinking that she should mind her own business!

If you don't want opinions from your friends on something then maybe don't open it up for discussion in the first place.

OP has done to her friend what she does to the husband, "oh I'm so broke, I'm not going to be able to go out anymore" then in the next breath "I'm going to tell hubby I've got no money left so he gets me a new handbag for going out next week".

I think I'd call my friend spoiled if she did this as well.

I will put it down to a throwaway comment. May be she was having a bad day. She is being her normal self - sending links for dresses for Saturday, so I will not bring it up when I see her for coffee.
She is a good friend and I value her friendship.
I will also take on board what some posters have said about not talking about money to friends. I still think that some posters have been unreasonable and mean towards my relationship with my husband and me as a mother.
It has made me question - have sent my husband a message and asked how he genuinely feels and if it gives him the ick.
I always used to to that with my parents - so may be it is a habit that I may have to give up if my husband finds it weird too.

This has got to be a joke! Lots of people repair bags/clothes. Good quality bags are worth repairing (you can get them repaired if you don't have the skills yourself).

There will always be some people who are mean, unfortunately that's part of the internet. Whether it's jealousy or whatever, it is that way. I think a lot of people have tried to give you feedback on how it could have come across,I hope I didn't come across as the former.

I never hint to people whether it my partner or my parents, never have done because people who hint get on my nerves and I wish they'd just come out with it. But, I do love to spoil my partner, I do all the time because I can afford it and I like to. If he hinted that may be a different matter 😂

Well, yes, I said exactly that above (and again earlier up the thread), so not too sure what you're trying to convince me of.

The point was the pile due to the fact she has money.

Maybe she's a bit fed up with you bragging about what you spend on yourself and your kid's crap diet?

45% think you’re unreasonable? Lot of jealous people out there, clearly! If your husband is ok with it, I wouldn’t give a monkey’s about third party opinions.

I always used to to that with my parents - so may be it is a habit that I may have to give up if my husband finds it weird too.

What do you mean by this OP, do you mean the way you ask for anything was by hinting and saying you can't afford something, to prompt them to offer to get it for you? Is that what you did with your parents?

It's really not silly to repair a handbag, OP.

Chanel and other top brands will refurbish their own bags.

But your local shoe repair place will also do repairs on everyday handbags too.

Many people now try to live more sustainably- repair wherever possible, and recycle as much as possible. To try to leave a better world for our children.

Probably quite dull for her to have to listen to…

No growing up, I would say 'I really like this dress mum, or these new trainers are lovely- and they would get it for me' It did not necessarily mean I was asking them to get it- they just got it.
If I really wanted something, then I would ask direct - like 'Can I have new shoes or new jacket etc
Nearing my birthday - I would him 'A new bag would make a great present'. My dad used to say when I was little' I used to dream about things and would tell them I dreamt that they got me a new Barbie for my birthday
Edit to say - of course I could not afford, I was not working

Friend was obviously out of order to call you a spoilt bitch, but I think you were way oversharing. Nobody needs to know the ins and outs of your finances to that level of detail, no matter how good a friend they are. People will judge, as you've now found out. Best to give them as little ammunition as possible.

(Edited for typo).

She means that you could budget for “non essentials but I’d quite like it” in future.
I don’t budget for anything in particular, it goes into the savings / something I might just want to buy pot and I know there is enough there.