Performative drivel from grown adults

[Karryw]

A few of my friends with fathers who are very much alive and well, but not on instagram - posting stories wishing them a HFD! Pick up the bloody phone and tell them for goodness sake.

Performative nonsense, or is it me?

Agree and I presume those thinking it’s ridiculous or terrible don’t have the courage of their convictions to comment that they think this? They just snark about it elsewhere.

I saw a post from a friend saying that she and her husband were on the way to university with their daughter for the first time and wanted to wish her all the best, so proud etc.
My immediate thought was that she could just turn around and tell her seeing as the girl was sitting in the back of the car.

I wished my son who passed away last June from a brain tumour a happy heavenly birthday last week on his 29th birthday. Why wouldn’t I celebrate his life on SM with my friends/family/his friends? Just because he is dead doesn’t mean to say he cannot be acknowledged.

You have no idea how other people feel and why they do what they do.

Well that’s just social media, no? A lot of it is indeed “performative drivel”. I have come off instagram for a bit as it rages me so much and I lose way too much time to it.

I wish people who call their sons little man’ would realise that it’s slang for clitoris.

I’m 50 this year and had no idea.

Exactly. I don't understand people sneering at excited parents who are celebrating their baby turning 1. Of course it isn't for the baby. It's parents expressing their joy and recording the memory for posterity.

Most of the internet is performative. It's all stuff you could keep in a diary or scrapbook. Is it really any more performative than getting people to sign commonplace books during the Georgian and Victorian eras?

OP, "performative drivel" is exactly right. It annoys me too, that's one of the reasons I don't bother with social media anymore. Can't get annoyed by it if you don't see it.

Frankly, all of it baffles me and I've never posted anything on social media for anyone, alive or dead. If they are still living, then I contact them directly. If they're dead, I don't see the point.
But it's not new - when I was a kid, it was In Memoriam notices in the local paper, which was equally performative, because the deceased won't be reading the Swindon Argus, or whatever!

I agree OP.
It's just attention seeking bollocks.
Like most social media.

My sis expressed her condolences when my mum died.

On Facebook.

Never once to me, in person.

So strange...

Alot of stuff is performative of social media . One that I really struggle with is this new 'trend' for want of a better word of photographing and posing the aftermath of a death particularly baby loss . As the partner of someone who experienced this with his ex who also happens to be a close friend I find it questionable behaviour. I try not to judge but really struggle with the idea that in the days after such a awful loss you first thoughts would be posting photographs and paragraphs for what's susually couched as awareness. For me personally I find it really inappropriate and do wonder if such a private painful moment is suitable for social media and I do wonder what the motives are for ppl who do it.

My brother and my sister both put a big multi photo post on fb about how much they love my dad on Father’s Day - guess who it is who sees him several times a week, sorts all his issues and has him over for meals (including yesterday)…

My mum would love it if I posted happy birthday etc to her on FB.
I won't but if I did it would only be for that reason. It's the equivalent of people sending in birthday cards to CBBC hoping they'll get read out. It's often for the other person, not the person posting.

Sometimes you are so desperate for any way to express their grief. Often people want to scream and tell everyone what has happened and to say the deceased mattered. Sharing photos and poems etc can be cathartic.

Plus sometimes it's just practical. If I had to tell people about a loss, after family and close friends knew it would be easier to put the details somewhere public like FB.

I dunno, I am really not keen on criticising people over how they handle the death of a loved one (particularly a child).

Many years ago, long before the internet, people would put a yearly announcement in their local newspaper, remembering a loved one's birthday or the anniversary of their death. Was this 'performative'? No it was a way of remembering them and how much they meant to you. Friends and neighbours would see it and not see anything wrong in that.

Just because it's seen by a much wider audience these days doesn'tmake it any less sincere. And yes, I did remember my dear dad on Fb yesterday. He died over 35 years ago, but still means as much to me today.

I used to post happy birthday messages etc to my dad on Facebook when he was still alive, even though he didn't have a phone, much less a Facebook account. He had severe dementia so he didn't have much in his life, and my mom used to read them out to him and apparently he really loved them.

So I don't give a fuck whether anyone thinks I was "performative" (I find the incessant smug, judgemental use of the word "performative" on this website pretty performative, if I am honest.....).

Maybe walk a mile in someone else's shoes, before you rush to judging them? You don't understand others' situations, or why they do what they do.......

No more performative than posting on MN to see how many people agree with you!!
How about, in a world where things are pretty shit for lots of people, you live and let live. Why does everyone need an opinion on what other people do when it literally doesn't impact them.
(BTW I posted a pic on my story from a previous Father's Day of my husband and now deceased Dad having a pint, because I love it. And it acknowledges a difficult day without having to actually talk about it so do jog on)

On my sisters WhatsApp group, we all posted a message to our deceased dad. Odd people that we are. I'm sure many others did the same.

Exactly!

I hate this sneery attitude towards people who post greetings on Facebook. They're not causing anyone any harm.

You don't know if these people are seeing or phoning their father in person - as WELL as posting a greeting on facebook... @Karryw And so what if people are wishing a Happy Heavenly Fathers Day to their father on Facebook?! If it makes them feel better and brings them comfort, why do people want to shit all over it and sneer about it?

Some really mean-spirited posts and attitudes on here from some posters.

'Performative drivel' indeed! What a nasty thread.

I hate it too.
I never post HBD /FD/MD etc posts. I don't need ' likes' from others for me declaring how amazing that relative is . I phone or message them directly, or see them in person.

I’ve never understood this either. Attention seeking nonsense.

Er, many people who post Happy Fathers Day/Happy Birthday/Happy Mothers Day etc etc, on Facebook do actually see their loved ones AS WELL. I find it hilarious that some people think that everyone who posts greetings on Facebook is probably doing it instead of having to see their family members/loved ones...

Most of them are seeing them too! Why is it so hard for people to work that out?!

There's a serious lack of critical thinking on this thread!!!

For those saying sharing things on sm is “attention seeking nonsense” why are you posting on it yourself?

I think people who have to shit on how other people find comfort are very unhappy individuals.