Performative drivel from grown adults

[Karryw]

A few of my friends with fathers who are very much alive and well, but not on instagram - posting stories wishing them a HFD! Pick up the bloody phone and tell them for goodness sake.

Performative nonsense, or is it me?

I don't post on any social media so I have no skin in this game, but... it always makes me quite sad when people say "it's just a bid for attention" as an insult. Even if something is a cry for attention... so what?!

We are humans, we need and crave connection and support from others. Some more than others, obviously. But it isn't a moral failing if you're one of the ones who seeks more external validation than others.

I see the posts saying "happy heavenly birthday" etc as an "I'm struggling today, send me support" bat signal. I don't see anything wrong with that honestly, and if my loved ones need support in that way I'm happy to oblige. Speaking as someone whose father is dead, so maybe that makes a difference.

I have started posting for my children’s birthday I think it’s nice to look back and see the memories

i don’t celebrate Father’s Day or Mother’s Day though so I can’t comment on that

YADNBU!!

Of all the toxic shit on social media, I’m not going to get too mad over post which, at the end of the day, are an expression of love. Scroll on past if you don’t like it.

What a mean-spirited thread. Not sure why the OP apparently assumes such people don't phone their dad as well.

No-one is harmed by this.

I used to think this, but I’m seeing very few posts from people on Facebook nowadays - unless they’re celebrities or influencers, it seems like people have stopped sharing much about their everyday lives. I stopped years ago and even made all my photos private.

I don't address my late husband or late father on Facebook. But a few years ago I did post a kind of tribute to them both on Father's Day. Because I wanted to remember them and the great fathers that they were, and I wanted my friends and relatives to remember them too.

When the post came up as a memory this year, it was lovely.

If they're not on social media, how do they see your post to be happy about it??

Can’t get worked up about it, but I don’t post on SM about my Dad because he’s not on it.

Don’t care if others do!

I don’t do it because I had a complicated relationship with my Dad, my siblings and his wife do though and I thought it was just the way of saying they missing someone and are thinking of them. None of my family actually think my dad has Instagram or Facebook in death. because they didn’t word it a specific way, it doesn’t mean they are seeking attention, there much more likely to be seeking comfort. There’s always comments from other people who’ve lost their parents and nice words from people who knew my dad but didn’t know his adult children. It brings my siblings comfort.

So if the recipient of the Father’s Day message is dead, it’s ok.

But if they’re alive it’s ‘performative drivel’?

Is there a point to this post that we’ve missed, or are we to assume you just want to make the people on here who do this, feel bad?

Do you get off on putting them in their place so to speak?

Because I feel most level headed people wouldn’t care enough to start a performative thread.

No it isn't. It's exactly the same. We have one for my DH who died earlier this year. I've not written anything on it but I like that it is there and I might use it come his birthday and Christmas later this year. I think I might find it comforting then.

No it is not the same. Announcing to other people that you are missing him and wish he were here to celebrate Father’s Day is totally different to writing “Dear Dad, it’s been three years since you left us. We miss you every day and treasure our memories of you.” As if the deceased person has access to some heavenly laptop or cellphone.

You can literally write the tribute on the FB tribute page.

Just as people used to write it for publication in newspapers years ago, or was that "performative" and "attention seeking" too? Perhaps they thought that the newspapers would be delivered to heaven too!

I worked for a newspaper. I thought it was odd then and I think it’s odd now. I know that it’s a comfort to many people. That’s great if helps them. My father died when I was five and my mother died when I was twenty-six. I would have felt foolish writing and especially PUBLISHING a note directly to either of them. But that’s just me. If I WERE going to write to them, it would have been in private. Again, grief and its manifestations vary wildly. You do you.

The gravestone tributes are out of the question then. Bar Scooge, then no-one gets to see what's written about them.

As well, Topsey, I didn’t say it was “performative”. The OP said it. I simply agreed with them.

Not at all. These tend to be along the lines of NAME DATES Beloved mother, wife, teacher. Or some such. NOT NAME DATES You were the best mum, wife, nan.

I find the posts saying what a load of rubbish Father’s Day is and how they would never post about it far more performative. Good for you, edgelord.

Then you haven't seen some of the gravestones I've seen.

By no one do you mean the dead person doesn’t get to see what’s written about them, or that other people don’t?

Obviously not.

The dead people. Just as on Facebook. It's a public declaration.

Oh, yes. I’d forgotten. Dead people are voracious readers. They like the crossword too, I hear.

As others have said, tthe 2 things aren't mutually exclusive!
Personally i don't think that making a public declaration on sm of love and appreciation for your father is performative.