Performative drivel from grown adults

[Karryw]

A few of my friends with fathers who are very much alive and well, but not on instagram - posting stories wishing them a HFD! Pick up the bloody phone and tell them for goodness sake.

Performative nonsense, or is it me?

I hate those awful balloon arches they must cost a fortune. All for the gram they’re trying to give them away the next day and the kids probably couldn’t give a crap about balloons. Even worse when they post the pile of presents. Nobody likes a bragger and it makes parents who can’t afford a lot feel like shit.

Yes it’s like when ppl post long, puke-inducing declarations of love to their OH’s ON THEIR OWN PROFILE! Some don’t even bother to tag the recipient in! That is purely for the attention of their own friends and family and has little to do with the love of their life. Why not post it on THEIR profile so it can be seen by their friends and family to see how fairer they are? It’s all sad and pathetic show.

Explain performative in the context of bereavement someone?

Autocorrected ‘fairer’ from loved/cared for, I forget what I put now 🙄

Attention seeking then?

My Dad died 7 weeks ago and I posted a bunch of photos my mum had never seen and said how much I missed him. I wasn't attention seeking, just sad and it madé me feel better for some reason.

sentiment or humans being human, plus if its how the tech is then its like writing in a journal the person that it is about or is for. they may not see it but its there and you created it for them

Or you get the Father’s Day posts publicly saying how great they are but in real life they are useless.

In the context of bereavement, "performative" generally refers to the public display of grief or mourning practices. It highlights how sorrow is expressed, communicated, or even staged for an audience whether through traditional societal rituals or modern digital platforms.

Critics of performative bereavement particularly on social media argue that it distorts the natural process of mourning. They point out several negative impacts on both the individual and society.

@PenelopeJoanSterling
Thank you for the clarification.

It's kind of self explanatory I guess. At least it's assuring that cynicism is often justifiable.

Thank you

One of my friends created a private Facebook page for her child and she posts all about their days out with pictures. It’s wonderful! They’ll be able to go back and say “oh on this day when you were 3 we went on x holiday” or “x day was the first day you rode a bike” etc etc. it’s nice to see all the little details too. Like about a month after he was born she posted about how he had a little nail infection. Seems silly now they’re almost 5 but it’s funny to reflect on how these things seemed so big at the time (our kids were born a few days apart so I’ve been following him!). I think used correctly, SM can be wonderful for that sort of thing.

So if you cant handle people using social media for its intended purpose wouldn't it be better to stay off it? No one has the right to dictate how people can should use it

I don't understand why you take issue with this specifically - the reason SM exists is for people to post things, so people post things

I don't use SM myself, but surely given you must be on there to see these posts you understand what it is used for!

What would you have people use their SM for - just factual notices about jumble sales?

This, surely the answer is you come off sm or don’t follow those whose stuff you don’t want to see?

Critics of performative bereavement who are these critics?

Some people call any expression of emotions, feeling or even opinion 'performative' based simply on the fact they themselves tend to be more repressed.

Gravestones are often very expressive.

I understand the "heavenly" posts as they are kind of like a memorial, but I don't get the HFD posts when they're not on social media either! 😄 unless it's a post of a nice day out or something

Stop sneering at how other people choose to use their own social media accounts. It has zero impact on your life and it’s bitchy and unnecessary. Unfollow or mute them if you don’t like their content.

I remember seeing a post from a mum wishing her ddaughter birthday all the usual so proud band you complete our life shit
the daughter replied I’m upstairs you could of just come up and told me
it was hilarious

I simply agreed with the OP.. And I also said that if it comforts people, that’s fine. I DO find it odd, but I certainly don’t expect everyone to agree with me.

I posted yesterday on FB. I didn't say 'Happy Heavenly...' but I put a picture up and said I was thinking of my late dad on Father's Day. Maybe some will see it as performative. I can't buy my dad a card any more though, and it's tough seeing all the FD stuff in the shops and on my online feed. It's one of the ways I deal with my grief.

I find it odd you’re so triggered by then. This is just part of social media. I posted yesterday re my dad who died 9yrs ago. It’s days like that I really miss him and want to acknowledge that he hasn’t been forgotten. It’s not for anyone else’s benefit.

It’s mad how people can be so triggered by people wishing their dad a happy father’s day and sharing some pics, whether here or not.

It surprises me that people think their deceased loved ones are somehow tuned into social media. Which is very different to just honoring those who have passed away and expressing grief over their loss. But as I said earlier, people have a right to express their feelings in their own way. Having said that, I am also entitled to find it odd. No doubt they’d think some things that I do are odd. No disrespect intended, just different points of view.

If you don't like it, get off social media! Jesus, leave "performative" people alone. Gosh, I hate when people take down others, on Social Media!

It's very rude to declare other people's behaviour odd, when it is simply a fairly common personal preference.