AIBU to refuse weekly lifts to a neighbour's hospital appointments?

[IGotDreams]

We have lived in our house for 4 years and know the neighbours to say hello to, taken a parcel in for them occasionally, we chat sometimes but we don’t know them well. We are friendly but not friends. We are busy with work, kids and general life.

One of the neighbours has asked if we can take her to a hospital appointment once every week for the next 4 weeks. One of their adult children can apparently bring her home.

Technically we could do it if we moved things around without too much difficulty, but as we don’t know her well, we said no. She looked shocked when we said we couldn’t help and she walked away without saying goodbye.

I mentioned it to my parents in passing last week and they said I should have said I’d help but I explained we are busy and she can make other arrangements. When I spoke to my parents last night, they asked me if I had changed my mind and was going to help the neighbour out. I said no and that we hadn’t even thought/spoke about it since as we are busy. My mum said I should be willing to help people more. I disagreed. We are busy and have enough going on with our own family and friends and that the neighbours aren’t my responsibility. In my neighbours situation, I wouldn’t ask for help from neighbours who we hardly know.

Would you have helped? I won’t be changing my mind and helping but wondered if people would generally be more helpful than me. I did say to my parents that they could help my neighbours out if they wanted to but apparently it isn’t there place to. They said they would do it for their own neighbours if asked.

Read the thread! The OP is working!

As for old people being incapable of catching a taxi or an Uber. really???
Why can't the neighbour get her children to order one for her? Adult children helping their mother perhaps?
As for doing this for 4 weeks it would I am sure involve the OP taking half a day holiday off work each time
My DCs are kind, they volunteer, they help out but I would not want to teach them to be mugs
Where are the neighbours children in all of this?
They are barely mentioned

oh where is that laugh emoji when you need it?

So I should do two-hour round trips now in the hope of some sort of bin-based karma in 30 years’ time?

It’s a really tricky one. On the one hand, of course you’re not obliged to help anyone. she might be a cheeky fuck looking for a convenient option next door.
On the other, she might be poorly with very few options of family or friends to ask and feeling a bit desperate, especially if Taxis aren’t an affordable option for her.
I probably would have offered to help if I could but that’s not to say you were wrong to say no.

she has adult children and a non live in partner RTFT

My uncle (76 y old) helped his elderly neighbour (95) and drove her to a hospital appt, waited and drove her home. The next day she knocked again holding something in her hand. He thought she might have made some biscuits to thank him or something. He opened and she came in with her big agenda wanting him to write down all her future hospital appointments. He told her she had surely right to ask for medical assistance to get her there but she said she didn't like that because you never know who will drive you! The bloody cheek! My uncle is kind but not a mug so he gently showed her the door😂

OP is at at work!

I’ve already answered the point about the OP working and the point about agreeing to do it for 4 weeks. Perhaps you should read the thread before rudely berating others.

That doesn’t mean they’re willing to help though does it? Imagine how desperate you’d have to be to ask a neighbour for that help, you think she’d do that if the people close in her life had offered to support her??
And I did RTFT, try not jumping to conclusion because someone had a different view to you, it’s ignorant!

One thing that always delights me about MN is the sheer number of posters who are far too busy to RTFT, and yet apparently have unlimited time to do the whole world favours.

Personally I would if I could because I believe it is good for neighbours to build community when they can and that this generally has wider benefits for all. I have recently extended help to a neighbour I can see needs help because of his health. Obviously, boundaries also need to be in place because I think my parents’ generation often overextended themselves too much (and some people really do take the piss), but I can also see the value in their communal practices, and there’s research on specific demographics that shows they fares better because of stronger connections with neighbours, community networks and involvement in civic society.

Jeez some of the replies on this thread 🙄

God forbid you’re not “kind” and drop all the regular commitments in your life - including being employed full time - to act as a weekly taxi driver to some random CF who asks you.

I fear MN is still full of the doormat people pleaser types who think the word no is a hate crime.

YANBU

You could have helped someone and you decided not to. I couldn’t do that, it’s not shopping or something it’s a hospital appointment. Sometimes you need to look past your own front door in life…..

@Dansangry OP only knows this woman to say hello, she has her own family, why would you expect a virtual stranger to ferry you about? Ndn is cheeky maybe if they did know each other she’d know OP works FT, at the end of the day it’s just not something to ask of somebody you barely know.

😂😂😂

spot on comment!!

@QuaintJadeFoxrtft! it’s a two hour round trip; OP works FT from home, this woman is a virtual stranger who
also has a partner and adult family and is only 60, not some lonely old dear just a cheeky chancer.

😂

I wonder if people would have the same reply if a man was WFH, doing school runs, cooking, shopping etc etc and a NN (who has adult children, a partner, friends who pop in and I presume the use of their hand and voice and able to order a taxi ) asked them for a 2 hour round trip 4 times, and he said No - would he get the same #bekindJohn reply?

Doubt it very much. Only women are expected to rearrange their already stretched lives to accommodate other's plans.

You’d just leave work for 2 hours every week for a month? What if your boss said no?

Yes, I would have helped. Once a week for 4 weeks would be so inconsequential in the grand scheme of things but might really mean the world to this person. It’s a shame they clearly had nobody else to ask but were hoping for some neighbourly help. We are all human and we have to share this planet, I know we are all busy but sometimes it’s nice to see people still look out for one another.

Those people don’t answer doors either. None of this is happening in real life!

God forbid you end up so jaded you call someone a CF for reaching out for help to ATTEND THE HOSPITAL.

It’s not ‘inconsequential’. Once you take out her working week and family commitments, this is huge chunk of Op’s own personal time, energy and petrol.

The neighbour can call a taxi or put more pressure on her own family. Not put on somebody down the street she hardly knows.

Who could easily CALL A TAXI.

But why would you ask a NDN to do this? Would YOU? If so you are also a CF (except in an emergency obviously. If someone needs ro be rushed to A&E that's different id do it for a total rando