Ex wants me to lie to DS

[Magpiesinthegarden]

DS has broken his phone screen and it’s £200 to fix it. Ex and I have agreed that we will go 50/50 to pay for it to be fixed. Ex will take the phone in and I’ll send him the money.

Ex has said not to tell DS he’s paying me half towards it as DS wouldn’t like that his Dad is giving me money. So ex wants to lie to DS and say I paid the whole amount.

AIBU to be uncomfortable about lying to DS and should I either pay the whole amount or tell DS it is from us both?

But he isn't helping you is he. He's being a parent and paying half.

OP please you have to help your son, the misogyny is only going to get worse. Your ex pretends he doesn't pay, so he can tell your son you lied, but as a woman you are useless and can't even pay for it and ex had to cover for you. I wouldn't have it anymore and I would report your son's misogyny. Perhaps speak to school about it.

Ex wants me to....

Ex doesn't get any say in what you do. That's the beauty of being an ex.

Your son lives with his dad, hangs on his every misogynistic word and has no respect for you and your ex is doing nothing to address this and everything to stir the pot.

Frankly I'd let your son and your ex deal with the phone.

Hit the nail on the head!

Theres been manipulation where ex even used to say to DS that he didn’t see any of the child benefit (ex told me he would never take anything off me and let me remain claiming it) so DS would be very angry and resentful towards me for “stealing” the child benefit even though I pay for loads of his stuff.

Same went for universal credit-we agreed to share custody and I registered DS at my house, ex then told DS how I’m fraudulently claiming for him! I wasn’t and told UC that he was living with his Dad. This and many more instances of nonsense!

So effectively, he doesn't want DS to see that he is willing to "help" you, or that you can amicably sort things between you, because then it ruins the facade he has built for DS of you being the bad one.

I wouldn't be paying anything towards it at all. Don't even get me started on why a 14 year old needs a phone that costs this much 😳

No I wouldn't lie as 99% of the time I believe honesty is the best policy. However that's almost the least if your worries.
Would your DS be open to therapy? His attitude will be very damaging to himself and others if allowed to continue unchecked.

Time for him to live with his father full-time then.

My brother lasted about… 3 months? It did wonders for my mother.

He already lived with his dad full time OP says

I just realised, I comment before reading all of OP’s posts.

@Magpiesinthegarden how old is DS? I’d be concerned for his MH living with a man like that, but also not at your expense. Do not lie.

OP I wouldn't pay for it at all. This is ridiculously manipulative and I think they are scamming you. If you do pay half, then ask for the receipt. Honestly I wouldn't put up with this madness anymore. If your son wants you to play the bad guy then play the bad guy and while he is being vile he doesn't get anything from you, save the basics of raising him. A new iPhone screen is not a basic right.

She's said he's 14.

This whole situation is really weird, but why is he making a point of listing a dinner payment as child maintenance? Surely your DS isn’t accessing either of your bank accounts?

Does ex have a partner?

It’s not helping you out. It’s paying towards your sons phone. This is very odd and you and your ex should not be enabling your son’s weird attitude.

Men paying for their kids is not “helping the mother out”. It’s their responsibility as a parent.

Incel in the making

I am concerned yes. He shows a high level of contempt for me now and has been exposed to ex’s hostility towards women. DS has even talked about destroying photos of me and “pissing/shitting on them” It’s awful.

Just reading your posts and was wondering if your son is becoming a misogynist given his thoughts on maintenance. Honestly I think you are focused on the wrong issue. The issue is your son’s father turning him into a misogynist.

He's not helping you out,he's helping husband son.
Your son should be happy he's getting it fixed without having to pay for it himself!

This is abusive manipulative behaviour to both you and your child, Your ex is lying to both you and your child, and expecting you to lie for him too.

If the phone was damaged in ex's care, it is his responsibility to fix it. If he wants you to contribute he needs to be open and honest about this and give you a copy of the invoice. If he then takes any of the money out of your maintenance then you have effectively paid for it anyway.

My feeling is do not play along with these games, ever. Its like you are giving bullets to a man with a gun and then complaining about getting shot.

Just be honest, in a 'grey rock' style with both of them. Your ex will manipulate and lie as a given, do not give him more ammunition. Tell your son you love him, and you know he loves his dad, but the truth is the truth, and cannot be bent to fit his or his dad's preferred view of the world.

And therapy, if this can be arranged or he will turn out like his dad.

You are being scammed by him.
Why would you trust him in anything he does or says?
He's a proven liar to you.
Pay nothing.
Ring a shop yourself.
I also wouldn't dream of paying anything towards a phone when you are held in sucb contempt.

Bit mean to make him pay for it himself if his little brother broke it but that's hardly the chief concern here.

I don't understand why you're paying anything at all

It happened on Ex's watch at ex's house.

Entirely his responsibility to pay for repairs.

He’s def conning you. Say you will transfer half the money once he’s done it and sent you the receipt

How can a child dictate how parents work out costs or plans.
Buy a 2nd hand refurb phone!

What on earth has it got to do with DS? He needs to grow up. This thread is traumatising to read. My goodness, your DS is disgraceful. I understand his father plays a role here.
I am sorry OP. Biological child or not, I’d tell him to fuck off. Not all children are a blessing.
I would pay monthly maintenance like many fathers do and not a penny more.

This 💯