Ex wants me to lie to DS

[Magpiesinthegarden]

DS has broken his phone screen and it’s £200 to fix it. Ex and I have agreed that we will go 50/50 to pay for it to be fixed. Ex will take the phone in and I’ll send him the money.

Ex has said not to tell DS he’s paying me half towards it as DS wouldn’t like that his Dad is giving me money. So ex wants to lie to DS and say I paid the whole amount.

AIBU to be uncomfortable about lying to DS and should I either pay the whole amount or tell DS it is from us both?

None of this makes any sense?

Least of all the fact the screen replacement is costing more than many phones.

That’s so weird op

id just say I’m not paying for it then fuck that

also 200£ for a screen??

my iPhone was only 200£ as I bought an older refurb - that much on a screen is insane

I was just about to suggest you don't pay anything, use the money for counselling for your DS

This is so weird, are you trying to raise a misogynist?

What are you going to do @Magpiesinthegarden have you decided?

He’s 14 and lives with his Dad now. Long story but there’s alienation and enmeshment with Dad, he would despise the idea of his Dad helping me in any way. His dad pleads poverty to DS (he earns 4 times more than I do!) He regularly tells DS how poor he is now because I left him. DS is strongly binded to his Dad.

Maybe your DS should pay to fix his own phone screen that he broke if he has such strong opinions on your finances. He sounds like he has a little too much opinion/sway/control on the matter for a child.

I don't understand though, if your ex is that manipulative, why doesn't he either 'save the day' by covering the whole cost, or decline to contribute?

This is so odd and a little (very) uncomfortable to think about his possible views of women, finances etc as he grows up?!

What is his dad like? Offering to pay half for the screen, sending you money for a meal out on your holiday etc, make him sound quite reasonable? But I know thats just a snapshot!

Completely agree with this, I would be very very very wary that he is setting you up, and this would be an easily provable lie when he shows him the transfer of money.

Do not lie, your ex is obviously has some weird misogynist mind games he's grooming your child with, do not play into his hands. Your child deserves to know the truth since obviously your ex is already grooming him into hating you why would you help.

He's a disgusting pig, is there anyway you can get some intervention for your son, it sounds like he's leading him down a very disturbing path. 😔

So your ex is asking for you to help him continue to poison your son against you and push a particular narrative?

I agree with the previous poster that your son would probably benefit more from therapy. He is being given very problematic messages from both sides.

You may have missed this @BinNightTonight

"It’s happened before, ex gave me money (bank transfer) for a meal for the two of us on a holiday and said DO NOT tell DS I’ve given you anything as he would be very angry. He then listed the money as child maintenance"

I was afraid it was something like this. I think the worst thing you could do is lie, it puts your further in his father's power. Give your ds your contribution for his phone and let him either earn the rest or ask his father.

How did this come about?
Why would you engage with this madness, especially to the point of paying the entire £200?

Obviously the ins and outs of why he lives with his dad is not our business, but at 14, but you don't have to play into his dads abuse of you and him, you can say we are going halves your dad has enough money to pay for a broken screen,

Why can’t his dad just pay for the whole thing? Why do you need to pay half

Just get the phone sorted, no conversation how!

Why are you paying anything?

(P.S. It's about £50 for a phone screen replacement round my way!)

DS doesn’t get a vote. Tough luck. If he thinks a phone screen will put his dad into hardship, perhaps DS might take better care of his phone next time.

Ridiculous, I’d make sure he knows exactly who is paying for it on principle because your ex is such a twat.

Also you can pretty much buy a new phone for £200. Are you sure he’s not just pocketing that money? 🙄

Social media is awash with channel dedicated to posting divorce and child custody hearings that are live streamed (USA). They post ones that would have you believe the women are out to make money from divorce and punish men by ruining their relationship with their children.

The thing is, when you understand the landscape, you see that hardly any of these women have lawyers whilst the men do. The women present their cases poorly, because they imagine their stories will be understood at face value. Legal hearings, however, explore only some elements of the full picture and experienced lawyers control what is/ isn’t covered.

If the OP’s algorithm is serving up this content - and there’s no shortage of it - this would explain his sentiment

But it's not helping you. It's helping the kid?!

It's not your responsibility to fix the phone. It's both parents responsibility. Tell him you're not doing him a favour and you never would so no need to lie or concoct some shite to enable generational misogyny.

Parents pay half each for the kid they created. If your child or your ex don't know that now then gawd help everyone.