Ex wants me to lie to DS

[Magpiesinthegarden]

DS has broken his phone screen and it’s £200 to fix it. Ex and I have agreed that we will go 50/50 to pay for it to be fixed. Ex will take the phone in and I’ll send him the money.

Ex has said not to tell DS he’s paying me half towards it as DS wouldn’t like that his Dad is giving me money. So ex wants to lie to DS and say I paid the whole amount.

AIBU to be uncomfortable about lying to DS and should I either pay the whole amount or tell DS it is from us both?

£200 for new screen is a lot. Make depending I’ve paid £70 ish for an iPhone one

So DS is happy to live with dad but not for him to pay for stuff

I would tell him it’s a huge cost and you have paid half each. You will have proof sending money to ex

but I would also want to see the receipt of price as seems a lot

This is very, very troubling OP.

I don't know how you would do this, but he seriously needs to have some impartial therapy or he is going to grow up to be positively objectionable if not dangerous towards women.

So does this happen all the time? Who buys his clothes school supplies, other stuff such as bikes and game consoles? Do stories have to be made up about them too?

This

I thought it was a lot to be honest, I’ve only got ex’s word that it costs that much, it does seem extortionate! He’s taking it to some obscure phone shop miles away, I don’t know the name of the shop either.

Your Ex is conning you.

There's no way it costs £200. It's £70-80 absolute tops for a top of the range iPhone screen replacement.

Do not pay anything until you've seen a receipt.

Also this whole thing is weird, you need to take back control of the narrative and stop doing what your ex says.

It's stupid toxic shit like this that ensures generational trauma just keeps on going down the line.

Pay for the phone, take your ex's money. If your DS doesn't like it (why would he even ask who paid?) he can go to therapy and tell his therapist that daddy gave mummy £100 when he didn't want him to.

If your ex is arranging it why would your son ask you if you paid it all? In the unlikely event he asks someone it would be your Ex?

Weird to even mention who paid to fix it tbh. Should just be an easy it’s fixed.

Clearly background with dad is the issue here.

Are you the op who son wouldn’t eat at her house? If so the ex seems a bit nicer now but still not that helpful and £200 would want to be an official store fix not some dodgy shop.

Also all of this.

Spell it out to DS, I don’t have the money, either Ex helps or you don’t get it. Be it phone screen, holidays, meals etc.

I am concerned yes. He shows a high level of contempt for me now and has been exposed to ex’s hostility towards women. DS has even talked about destroying photos of me and “pissing/shitting on them” It’s awful.

I’ve posted about ex before incorrectly listing the child maintenance (we have another child that lives with me) putting down our sons DLA as child maintenance among other things.

Ex has also (during handovers) given me a bag of groceries for our youngest which seems like a nice thing to do but he always says DO NOT tell DS about the groceries etc.

It’s a mess and I agree, DS needs therapy now.

Replacement iPhone battery replacement with a proper Apple approved service is only about £100 (less depending on the model). He’s scamming you.

If ds has a phone worth so much it is likely insured surely? You are being taken for a ride.

It’s the screen that’s shattered? £200 seemed like a lot.

I didn’t take out insurance for it, my fault! It is an iPhone 16 I think? To be fair on DS it was his younger sibling that broke the screen (at least that is what ex told me)

What make and model is the phone?

iPhone 16 I think?

Don't lie. It will always bite you on the ass

The back could cost a lot but the front should only be around £100-£150 max from a decent shop.

My ex has told our son I’m paying for it all.

So the narrative in his home is "ha ha lets make your mum pay for this, and get a bit extra money out of her as well. She's just a woman and that's all she's good for??" Thus further alienating you?

DS also seemed angry that I hadn’t given the money for the phone yet but ex insisted it was to be him to take it in to be repaired and I was waiting for ex to let me know when he had done it (he was dragging his feet saying he was too busy, but I was made to look like the bad guy for not paying)

According to Google: Replacing an iPhone 16 screen in the UK typically costs between £150 and £400, depending on your provider, the specific model, and whether you need genuine Apple parts. With AppleCare+, screen damage repairs are subject to a flat fee of £29

The bigger problem is your ex and your son. I'm not sure I'd be handing any money over tbh until your son has more respect for you. You said your ex took the money for the meal from child maitenance, he can do the same for this phone.

Never, ever lie for your ex.

He doesn't want to be found out because it will expose his other lie about being so sad and poor and helpless since you left him.

You already have a really bad relationship with your son. Your only hope is to always be truthful with him. Absolutely never lie to protect your ex or further his agenda. If you have proof of how much his father earns and how much you earn, I might consider showing it to your son.