First meal out with son’s wife’s parents and they let us pick up the whole bill.

[50sandFabulous]

What would you make of this? Son got married recently. Obviously, we have met his parents. However, we have never been out with them before.

The other day we met for lunch, there were six of us there in total. I had said to my husband that we should pay for the whole thing just as a nice gesture.

We went up to the bar at some point and paid for the whole tab. No one knew that we had done this.

When it was time to leave, everybody just left the restaurant and absolutely nobody queried about the bill. Is this not a bit mad?

So basically, we have paid for everybody (which we were always going to do), but there has been no acknowledgement from anybody about the fact that the bill has been paid and absolutely no thank you. I just find this really really weird!

I was expecting somebody to say, oh we need to get the bill, and then I would have said don’t worry it’s covered, but that did not happen!

I'm embarrassed for them. It's amazing that these people walk among us

This is how I'd feel. I'd say thank you, because it's what you do, but I'd be saying thank you for an act that would have made me feel uncomfortable, rather than pleased. It does feel odd that the right thing to do is say thank you to someone who's - however well intentioned - made you feel a bit shit.
If someone did the let me pay for this thing at the table, so there was a chance for me to pay my own way, then I would be able to say a genuine thank you if they ended up paying.
It's similar to surprise parties for me. I know some people love them but I can't think of much worse and it would stick in my throat if I had to then thank someone for organising an event I'd hate.

You haven’t said anything about whether you had a pleasant time otherwise @50sandFabulous apart from the lack of thanks, of course

Also did you invite them out - if so perhaps you should have been clearer “Please join us for lunch, our treat etc etc “

Or perhaps since you paid for a lot of the wedding you’ve set yourselves up as the wealthy party so they’ve come to expect it. In which case they are CF and don’t invite them again, unless you enjoyed their company, which you haven’t mentioned.

All in all if they didn’t enquire about the bill or say thank you they lack manners which would put me off socialising with them again.

They are clearly extremely ignorant and don't know how to behave. I hate to say it, and I will no doubt be slated for this, but of a different class. Ouch.

Have had similar with Sonil and family. Didn't even pick up the tab for the napkins at the 40K wedding. Never a word of thanks for anything. Not terribly nice.

Yes, all of this. I'd always say thank you, and they should have. But this poster nails it about how I'd feel.

Setting yourself up as the wealthy party should not be an excuse. My parents set themselves up as the wealthy party when they offered DH and me a £20,000 wedding budget (we didn’t spend anything like that. It was a budget not a target). I am one of three children and we all got offered the same amount. My FIL still argues with my parents as they both want to pay the bill.

Unless you invited everyone out for dinner OP (and it sounds like you didn’t) then they were rude just to assume that you pick up the bill and to not say thank you

Or, this thread is very revealing of people who have got good manners and those who haven’t. It’s only polite to say thank you if someone has paid for whatever it is, whether or not you think they are being patronising or showing off their generosity, or maybe, just being nice.

I was married 20 years and my parents never met my in laws. Same with my second, shorter marriage. Saves a lot of hassle

Goodness!
with this in mind I wouldn’t have paid for the meal, they should have! I wouldn’t go out with them again!

Oh my goodness. I’d just say “Thanks! We should do this more often then”

I was at a restaurant with my DH a few years ago and some guy must have overheard us talking about Portuguese wines, we’d recently been there, he sent a bottle to our table. We said thanks, exchanged a few pleasantries from across tables. Nice gesture. He wasn’t trying to lord it over us or be besties or anything.

Or even…
Can we have the bill please? And then pass it to her parents and say ‘your turn??’ 🤣🤣

I think a lot of the awful comments come down to money, some people really struggle and it makes them bitter, even though they weren’t even at the lunch, they want to have a go at the op, simply as they think she’s got money and they don’t.

You wanted attention for paying and you didn't get it.So now you've come here.

I think that Op would have just appreciated a thank you.

This thread is....odd.

To not even thank you is plain rude.

Then, at the table, they could have said, this is our treat, we will get it, and then the others could say, thank you... and then they could go up and pay. But they martyred themselves

Sounds like they have zero manners or social etiquette! At the very least, a very gracious ‘thank you’ would be needed.

Very rude indeed…..

Did they also go up and pay the bill and are scratching their heads as to why you didn’t thank them? We had this happen on holiday and it took another 3 days for us to realise that the bill had been paid twice.

They probably paid, but the staff didn't realize it so you paid again. I used to work at a wedding function bar in Wales, and so many people offered to pay for stuff we just took the money: 12 blue moons, a Guinness, 5 dark Towers? £30 chink, next customer?

One person does the sneaky pay one time. You do it the next.

Is that not normal?

I suppose everyone has different experiences in life

You have the measure of them now. Leave it up to them to invite you or host you. Very selfish odd behaviour on their part. They absolutely should have offered or.said thank you.

Surely you have mentioned to your son and asked if they say anything . And yes so rude of them

My in laws are a different class and income bracket and are quite similar.

My family have paid for our wedding, house deposits, and fertility treatment. They've never acknowledged it or said thanks.

Bizarrely, their daughter is marrying into money and that is celebrated quite openly on a regular basis (boasting about wedding and housing costs) which makes it all the stranger.

Not saying thank you is rude.

But the performative sneak off to pay is also rude.

Stop doing it, OP.

My family have paid for our wedding, house deposits, and fertility treatment. They've never acknowledged it or said thanks.

You think your in laws should thank your parents for paying for things for you?