First meal out with son’s wife’s parents and they let us pick up the whole bill.

[50sandFabulous]

What would you make of this? Son got married recently. Obviously, we have met his parents. However, we have never been out with them before.

The other day we met for lunch, there were six of us there in total. I had said to my husband that we should pay for the whole thing just as a nice gesture.

We went up to the bar at some point and paid for the whole tab. No one knew that we had done this.

When it was time to leave, everybody just left the restaurant and absolutely nobody queried about the bill. Is this not a bit mad?

So basically, we have paid for everybody (which we were always going to do), but there has been no acknowledgement from anybody about the fact that the bill has been paid and absolutely no thank you. I just find this really really weird!

I was expecting somebody to say, oh we need to get the bill, and then I would have said don’t worry it’s covered, but that did not happen!

You'd do the dance wouldnt you 😕

Is there a wealth disparity? Or were they nervous maybe?

Maybe your son told them when you went up to pay?

They must have noticed you paying? Do you think they just forgot there would be a bill?
Maybe your son said you’d paid? (Although in that case I’d have said thanks).
it’s a bit weird.

I am pretty sure that they did not notice us paying. But even if they did, would you not say thank you at the end?

So they got up to leave without considering that their meal might need to be paid for? That would indicate they knew it had been paid. But not even a thank you?!

Maybe they also tried to go up to pay discretely after you had or maybe they thanked your son or DH?

Maybe they realised it had been paid and felt awkward. Your generosity might be someone else’s awkward moment.

@50sandFabulous did you invite them and choose the restaurant? If so then you pay.

But they absolutely should have thanked you. Thats just good manners.

Maybe their son said he'd pay!

Did they pay for the wedding?

Did your son let them know that they were invited.

However, even if that is the case it dreadfully rude.

Hopefully they will write a thank you.

Really strange, and your son didn't say anything at all?

Maybe he told his wife and inlaws that lunch was on him 🤔

Very rude not to say thank you.

Rude, you would say thank you surely.

That is just crazy . I wonder who the rest thought had paid? And was there no conversation about the bill at all? Weird.

Unless your son told his wife and her parents that you had form for this and when you were at the bar and no bill came this confirmed what you had done.
Maybe awkwardness or shyness came into play once you went back to the table and didnt mention it yourselves. I could see that happen in a situation where the normal protocols hadnt been followed.
Im not being critical here - Im wont to do the same myself . But perhaps speak to your son in case there was something you arent aware of going on.

Did you invite them to the dinner? Some people would expect you to pay if so. Who paid for the wedding? In any case an acknowledgment and thank you was in order

yeah I’d say their son had indicated he’d pay so they just assumed that happened. And the Son in law realised you had and just felt entitled/immature enough to not bother saying anything or thanking you. Ask your daughter as maybe she thinks her DH paid too!

I think your son must have told them it was on him so they have thanked him, otherwise why would he not have said anything after??

They didn’t move from the table, not even to go to the loo. The bar was behind them, so they would not have seen DH pay. Re the wedding, we paid for half, they did not contribute.

It’s really very strange that they did not offer to pay or say thank you.

Maybe just socially awkward then - or rude and arrogant . Whatever . You dont need to repeat the process with them ever again if you dont want to.

Really strange.

Someone asked further up, is there a wealth disparity?

Not that it makes it ok but I wonder if they assume it’s not much money to you but even then you would say thank you!

You planned to pay
you did pay
they probably saw you
they didn’t say anything

so you lost your chance to perform

I'd be cautious going forward. It sounds as if they've been told (perhaps by their DD) that you're financially comfortable and always treat everyone. Is that the case? Have you always treated your son and DIL, for example?

Not saying thank you is v. rude.

Thats mad, so in this scenario you’d just sit there, fill your face and expect a freebie?

How mean,

The fact that they didn't contribute to the wedding, and didn't question who was going to pay, makes me think that they're a bit short of the readies OP. However, not saying thank you, was appallingly rude, and in your shoes, I don't think I'd be putting myself out to meet with them in the future. Obviously if children come along in the future, you're likely to meet up with them at some point, but I wouldn't be putting myself out to treat them in the future.