First meal out with son’s wife’s parents and they let us pick up the whole bill.

[50sandFabulous]

What would you make of this? Son got married recently. Obviously, we have met his parents. However, we have never been out with them before.

The other day we met for lunch, there were six of us there in total. I had said to my husband that we should pay for the whole thing just as a nice gesture.

We went up to the bar at some point and paid for the whole tab. No one knew that we had done this.

When it was time to leave, everybody just left the restaurant and absolutely nobody queried about the bill. Is this not a bit mad?

So basically, we have paid for everybody (which we were always going to do), but there has been no acknowledgement from anybody about the fact that the bill has been paid and absolutely no thank you. I just find this really really weird!

I was expecting somebody to say, oh we need to get the bill, and then I would have said don’t worry it’s covered, but that did not happen!

I have quite a few "foreign" relatives, and have been the "foreign" family member myself - we all know about making contributions to weddings. Many's the time I've been at the sewing machine for bridesmaid's dresses, or arranging the flowers for the family house when there's a wedding. The OP paying for the wedding dress is especially odd.

It's odd that your son didn't say anything to you either. I'd have thought there must have been a conversation between him/his wife and his in-laws that you don't know about.

I wonder if the ones who are offended if someone else unexpectedly pays, would feel like that if they found it was their boss who had paid the bill.

I hate situations like this, I find the sneaky pay so awkward.
I’d much rather have a discussion and pay half, or at least someone openly offering to pay. The awkwardness of having to bring it up once it’s been paid brings me out in chills!

So why didn’t the in laws say anything? The whole thing is a bit weird, everyone acting like the bill is the elephant in room.

I would have said something like “right so what are we doing about the bill, shall we split in half - adults and our own ‘kid’?” Then if they said they’d already paid I’d be surprised, thank them then get on with my day.

There is a theory:
Appreciation — Anticipation — Expectation — Entitlement — Dependency
It sounds like they’ve skipped a few steps.
If there is to be another event/meal, please say something before you get to the point of sitting at the table.

I was more reacting to the OP’s response to the previous poster, as she was quite insulting to someone who said they’d forgotten about the bill before and that people sneak paying is annoying. I missed that it was their first time out since the wedding.

What is with this performative bs. Pay or don’t pay but the expectation that they fall into line with your passive aggressive silliness is rather pathetic.

Presumably you’ve never taught your children to say thank you?

I think it’s to do with a ( possibly without you realising it) wealth disparity and an unsaid expectation that you will pay as they arnt in a position to do it. Basically they were expecting you to pay for the meal and had no intention of putting their hand in their pocket!

It was rude of them not to say thank you or offer to pay half.

Some of these posts are actually ridiculous! Of course any sane person would ask about the bill and then say thank you. If they were so offended you had decided to pay then surely they would have made you accept half. You are not being unreasonable at all, you sound very generous and lovely. Unfortunately some people will take advantage.

I seem to be in the minority here but I'd feel really awkward if someone just paid my share of the bill without saying anything. I'd still say thank you and ask for their bank details to reimburse them but I'd be a bit insulted they didn't discuss payment with me.

You do usually say ‘thank you for dinner’ as you’re saying your goodbyes. It’s basic decency if someone has paid for your meal

If op did it secretly then perhaps nobody knew who'd paid. Whilst you're chatting you can forget stuff like that. I can, anyway. Not saying that's what happened but it can happen.

I do find it odd OP that nobody mentioned it but I have come across people like this before. My brothers in laws would invite him out for dinner and then charge him for what he ate and when they invited my parents out for dinner my dad offered to put some money towards it and they let him pay for the whole thing. By contrast my parents and my father in law argue over whose turn it is to pay as they both want to pay the bill. Neither are used to others paying for them. In the end DH paid last time as they were still discussing who paid what the time before. My dad’s argument for wanting to pay is “different time of life”.

I paid for the dress for one of my DiLs. I don’t consider it an “odd” thing to do and in some cultures it is the tradition for the groom’s family to provide the dress rather than just the flowers.

Manners cost nothing. ‘That was an unexpected surprise, but thank you’, takes ten seconds. They obviously had no qualms about not contributing to the bill so I doubt they felt any embarrassment.

How can anyone forget stuff like the bill when they’ve just finished eating. You can get in big trouble walking out of restaurants forgetting to pay.

Well she’s despised on two counts. 1) she can afford to pick up the bill for 6 and 2) she’s the MIL to a DIL ergo can't do right for doing wrong

In this case they are either broke, tight, or just plain rude. I wouldn’t be inviting them out again unless they reciprocate.

What the fuck exactly. I’m touched when anyone does this. A real treat. People are just odd.

Yes, I hate this, too. So awkward finding my card and then 'oh, I paid for you already.' It's embarrassing, and now I'm obligated to pay next time, even though I rarely have money to cover more than my own food and budget accordingly.

My DF and DFIL always pick up the bill and I always say thank you. I never ever take it for granted although I do in fairness expect it because they've done it for years. But I always thank them. And on their birthdays we always pick up the bill. At least our gesture for the year!

It is so rude that no wonder she clocked it. If someone else paid for anything for me, even just a coffee, it would be like a massive siren going off in my head that I had to say thank you. Let alone a meal out. But the nature of many of these posts makes me think that someone people just don’t like being treated. What a hot potato.

It doesn't surprise me at all. It seems manners don't exist anymore & it makes my blood boil. What's up with everyone? Entitled or what?