Refusing to drive on a motorway/long distance in a Fiat 500?

[CheeseSandwich1]

What the title says really!

DC’s Dad and I aren’t together. He moved 30 minutes away and now lives in the countryside.
He expects me to drive to his new home but it’s very hilly and is in the arse end of nowhere, I really don’t feel comfortable driving there in my small car. For reference his own Mum also won’t drive there in her small car.

I also really don’t like motorway driving in my car as I feel nervous as it’s so small and I have to put my youngest in the front seat rear facing. This means anywhere the children need to go that includes motorway driving DC’s Dad has to take them.

I can’t afford to upgrade my car at the moment.

DC’s Dad thinks I’m being unreasonable about driving but he has a huge car (I would feel safe if I had his car as the children are all in proper car seats in the middle of back of the car).

AIBU?

Yanbu, driving with kids is anxiety inducing, but perhaps not as stressful as posting on mumsnet so well done.

I have same car, also hate motorway driving, but mainly because of the motorways not the car.

For peace of mind: double check your breakdown cover, make sure the phone number is easily accessible on your phone or in glovebox. Get a couple of motorway driving lessons with a calm instructor. And stop beating yourself up about it, this is a natural response to your dad's accident.

When I first read the post I agreed with you OP - I drive literally hundreds of miles for work each week and some areas I drive through are abhorrently awful. Tiny single track roads with very steep incline bends are my worst. There’s one road in Wales I’ve driven through a few times (I forget each time!) and the bushes either side of the road literally scrape down my car on both sides. How I have not met with another car on either occasion is a sheer miracle

So on that respect I sort of get it if the roads are like that. I am however in a decent sized VW Tiguan but I’ve done them that often my anxiety is definitely reduced now. IF I had a tiny car I’d find these roads a lot easier to navigate purely because if there was something oncoming, a smaller car is easier to navigate to the side of a road for cars to squeeze past

However 30 minutes drive isn’t long distance so I think YAB - slightly - U here. Im guessing around half of this is motorway, possibly more. So looking at maybe 10-15 minutes along awful roads?

I think what you also need to bear in mind is along roads like those, in my experience other drivers also tend to drive carefully too - and if they really are that bad they are marked as unsuitable for HGVs so would only be actual cars you would need to worry about. I know that’s only of little comfort but also in my experience HGV drivers will tend to push on as they have their own deadlines, whereas other car drivers tend to care about their vehicles

Might be a time to put your big girl pants on, deep breath and go for it. I’d have it that you drop off and he returns. Just take your time. Ignore any cars that get up your arse - it’s a lot easier to follow a car than lead - so that’s why it’s easy for people to drive up your arse. I tend to drive slower when people do this anyway.

Other alternative is, could he meet you at the motorway junction? Is there a little slip road you could pull into off the junction? A fuel station perhaps? I used to often do a halfway point drop off with my ex too. Then you only have the motorway side to worry about

Millions of people drive small and tiny cars it’s just a fear your letting control you.

Also if you get found out about school you’ll end up with two options he loses his place or your child will actually have to be living at his dads most of the time to be entitled to the school place.

You’ve been royalty fucked tbh in that aspect.

This is unbelievable pathetic weedy . Can you imagine a man saying that he can’t drive on motorways ?
Guess what ? I was nervous about driving on Motorways until … I drove on motorways ! Just get in the left lane until you realise that it’s not rocket science.

As for hilly .. honestly get a grip. We went all around the Lake District in our fiat 500. Including wrynose , hardknot and Hinton passes which are amongst the steepest in England. You just need to use your gear stick appropriately.

It’s also relevant to remind readers that no aspect of driving requires. ‘ benefit of penis’ they work equally as well without.

In fairness to OP, there is something in this small car business IMO.

My dad was a taxi driver, driven everywhere for a living all over the country, he never had any problems UNTIL he got a 'small' car as his personal car, people used to pull out on him all the time, cut him up, it's like people see a small car and think they can bully it out of the way, or don't see it maybe?

It has happened to me too, I've always had an estate, but as soon as I drive round in my husbands citreon, people are generally more pushy and inconsiderate.. it's happened too many times to be a coincidence.

If that happens to you frequently I could see why it would make someone a more nervous driver, especially with two young kids in the car.

That's absolute nonsense, though. If small cars were more dangerous, they'd cost more to insure than bigger cars, but they're much cheaper.

Why the drama? What exactly is a nightmare!! Rear facing is safer by a long way. Your child is in a safe car seat in a safe position. I have only ever driven small cars, they are not “less safe”. Don’t see the point in massive cars. Our family car has always been small. Regularly drive 300miles plus mostly on motorways. You need to get some support for your anxiety. You are the issue here not the car.

Although if your ex has moved then whether or not it’s your job to drive to him is a different question.

Sorry, with respect, you're being ridiculous I have a smart Forfour and it does not restrict me driving anywhere.

To be fair, a Fiesta is a bigger car than a Fiat 500...but I imagine a Fiesta feels like a biscuit tin to a Golf driver. I wouldn't want to drive a long distance in either, because I value comfort, but I do recognise they would both be perfectly capable of being used that way :)

A lot of this moaning about the car sounds like weaponised incompetence.

I agree, it really is....

But the OP has made it clear that she only feels "safe" in a bigger car, and that her ex should have bought her one.

Any other view on here will get shouted down.

Oh definitely - I'm sure if the OP's sister (for example) lived in a village 30 mins away, that involved a stretch of motorway driving, a hill and a bend, she'd be fine with it.

Weirdly my little Smart ForTwo feels much more solid than my friends Fiesta. I find her car quite ‘tinny’ in comparison whenever I’m in it.

I do agree with a PP though, lots of people behave like utter dicks when you have a small car. I’ve got a dash cam now due to the amount of idiots who pull out in front of me and cut me up. And don’t get me started on the drivers on the motorway pottering along at 60mph who seem to be mortally offended when I go to overtake them and suddenly speed up.

No car today is a "biscuit tin" - they all have side impact protection, and crumple zones front and rear. They're far safer than all the cars we were driven around in as kids.

The only reason I wouldn't drive a Fiat 500 is because I think they look absolutely ridiculous, and I can't understand why anyone would want one. They're absolutely solid and safe, though - all modern cars are. If I had one, there's no way I'd not make certain journeys in it.

Road damage is mainly driven by axle weight, it’s proportional to (I believe) the fourth power of it, rather than to the speed.

Seriously? I drove from Scotland to London in a far smaller car multiple times. Can't see an issue unless there is a problem with the car itself.

If he moved away he needs to pick up his own kid 🤷‍♀️

Don't be that person who kicks another woman when she's down!

OP I'm with you - he left do he should collect them. And without going to court, he can't make you do this drive.

i advise that you seek legal advice regarding your financial settlement - you may well have a claim on his business/pensions and an entitlement to financial support.

Ignore the arses on here, putting the boot in. You aren't under any obligation to drive where you don't feel safe - it's nobody else's business.

She’s used his address to get the children into a school near him, and so needs to drive them there.

She wants him to buy her an expensive car to do the drive in.

I mean first she needs to hope nobody snitches as that’s a type of fraud.

Because in that case the child then either moves in with dad or goes to the crappy school.

I wouldn’t put it past a conniving parent to snitch themselves tbh.

I can't get worked up about a parent trying to keep their kid out of a crappy school.
And I think a dad with lots of money who has used his business to deprive the mother of his kids from having access to a safer car, should have to buy her a replacement.

The arse end of nowhere is 30 mins away? YABU.

But a bigger car isn't a safer car. It's all nonsense.

Idk about that - there are many factors taken into account when deciding whether or not we feel a car is safe. It isn't only about the car, it's also about how the car seats fit and how easily you could get the kids out in an accident. Smaller cars without back doors are not as easy.

But all of that is extensively tested. If a car wasn't safe, it wouldn't be allowed to be sold, you wouldn't be able to insure it, and you wouldn't get an MOT.

The Fiat 500 may be many things, but it is safe, legal and entirely suitable for just about any road journey in Britain. Sure, the OP can moan all she wants about wanting a bigger car, but pretending there's some made up safety reason for it is very dishonest.