Refusing to drive on a motorway/long distance in a Fiat 500?

[CheeseSandwich1]

What the title says really!

DC’s Dad and I aren’t together. He moved 30 minutes away and now lives in the countryside.
He expects me to drive to his new home but it’s very hilly and is in the arse end of nowhere, I really don’t feel comfortable driving there in my small car. For reference his own Mum also won’t drive there in her small car.

I also really don’t like motorway driving in my car as I feel nervous as it’s so small and I have to put my youngest in the front seat rear facing. This means anywhere the children need to go that includes motorway driving DC’s Dad has to take them.

I can’t afford to upgrade my car at the moment.

DC’s Dad thinks I’m being unreasonable about driving but he has a huge car (I would feel safe if I had his car as the children are all in proper car seats in the middle of back of the car).

AIBU?

They wouldn't do a half way with a 30 minute drive i wouldn't have thought?

One way each more likely?

4 and 17 months.

Ex has a brand new Defender 8 seater thing so I think it’s pretty unfair to say I’m being silly when he’s driving round in a tank!

You’re being mad, a fiat 500 is perfectly capable of driving on any roads (even hills!)

do you just not want to do it because you’re pissed he moved away?

It’s so annoying! I’m just so nervous to drive any sort of distance especially with my 17 month old rear facing in the front. There’s just nothing to protect them if something happened!

It’s things like this that make men think they’re superior.

30 minutes on a motorway and up some hills, what nonsense.

@CheeseSandwich1 regardless of not wanting to drive on motorways etc - he’s moved away. Therefore the onus is on him to do the travelling to his children.

What engine size is it?

I would definitely have some extra lessons, a bit of motorway and a bit of general driving confidence? You’ll be surprised how much it’ll help.

Is there an alternative route that isn’t motorway? Have a look at google maps, I think you can set the routes there to non motorway.

Yes, he should be doing the bulk of the drive as he chose to move, BUT still increase your confidence so you can take the children places.

No comment on the car seat, I am very out of date with the rules nowadays.

The car is fine, but if he moves he needs to do the driving.

If I’m honest I think the fair thing to do would have been to make sure the mother of his children had a suitable car to transport our children in.

He cared we had a safe car when we were together but suddenly our safety doesn’t matter.

Wait - you have two kids? Cant you put them both in the back then?

I hate being on a motorway in a small, low car, feel very vulnerable with so many lorries.

He cared we had a safe car when we were together but suddenly our safety doesn’t matter.

Fiat 500s are safe, it’s your nerves that are making you feel unsafe.

I can’t get both car seats in the back with youngest DC still being rear facing. It’s a nightmare.

In this case it’s 30 minutes YABU. And I’m guessing not much of it is on a motorway since you have hills and rural roads to drive too (which will be fine in a fiat 500) plus getting to the motorway your end.

If that’s the main thing that’s worrying you, could you change car seat to a front facing one?

https://www.childcarseats.org.uk/types-of-seat/

They might meet safety regulations but I can guarantee Ex DP is much safer in on a motorway in a Defender than we are in my Fiat 500. If we were both in a crash, he’d fair better.

I had a very bad head-on crash in a fiat panda (other car swerved onto my side and hit me head on)

It did an amazing job at saving my life - all the doctors and the police said so. I was very badly injured but definitely would have died if the bonnet hadn’t have taken the impact so well.

Go the long way instead of the motorway then

Right but you do not have an unsafe car. You have a perfectly normal car.

I’d like to keep her rear facing for as long as possible for safety reasons. I’ll have a look at your link, thank you.

@CheeseSandwich1 why can’t he come and get them?

I’m with you OP. I have the option of two similar cars and I know which one I’m taking on the motorway. The tiny car is for local runs only and it’s fabulous but when you are used to a big solid car you feel very vulnerable by comparison in a small one.

Motorways are literally the safest roads to drive on. You can't have a head on or T-bone collision, any accidents are side to side or to the rear of a stationary vehicle. It is FAR more dangerous to drive on normal roads.

He can’t drive them everywhere they need to be

Put both kids in the back. If your car is genuinely unsafe you will have to save up or take a loan to get a new one, it’s your responsibility not his. A fiat 500 is perfectly capable of driving on a motorway, hill or in the countryside, and 30 mins is not far.