Refusing to drive on a motorway/long distance in a Fiat 500?

[CheeseSandwich1]

What the title says really!

DC’s Dad and I aren’t together. He moved 30 minutes away and now lives in the countryside.
He expects me to drive to his new home but it’s very hilly and is in the arse end of nowhere, I really don’t feel comfortable driving there in my small car. For reference his own Mum also won’t drive there in her small car.

I also really don’t like motorway driving in my car as I feel nervous as it’s so small and I have to put my youngest in the front seat rear facing. This means anywhere the children need to go that includes motorway driving DC’s Dad has to take them.

I can’t afford to upgrade my car at the moment.

DC’s Dad thinks I’m being unreasonable about driving but he has a huge car (I would feel safe if I had his car as the children are all in proper car seats in the middle of back of the car).

AIBU?

I remember when the Berlin Wall came down and suddenly there were a load of Trabants that had been driven from East Germany exploring the West Country

I hired a 'New' mk 1 VW golf in south Africa about 15 years ago (they were still manufactured there up to 2009) and drove it all over Cape town and down to Cape Point.

Just wanted to chime in that I don’t motorway drive (in my Fiat 500 haha) - been on twice and came out in a huge sweat! It’s the speed - I know statistically you’re less likely to crash but I just can’t wrap my head around all the people who don’t indicate when changing lane or cutting you up etc! The fact you CAN motorway drive when you are in a car you feel confident in is amazing to me. You’re the mother of his children - I don’t understand why he isn’t giving you the grace of understanding, if he won’t contribute to a car.

I know several people who have Fiat 500s, and they drive up to Edinburgh, and Newcastle Upon Tyne, and down to Cornwall, Devon, London, and Brighton. (They are West Midlands, so we're talking 200-300 miles.) As long as it has decent tyres, and an MOT, and a full tank of petrol, you'll be fine @CheeseSandwich1 !!!

Seriously though, you lost me at 30 minutes being long distance!

Everyone I am close to (apart from DH who I live with!) is further away than that! Both DC are 35-40 minutes drive away (30 on a good run with little traffic but half the time it's 35-40 minutes.) And my 3 friends are 30 to 50 minutes drive away. Even our closest big town is 30 minutes drive away! (We have a small market town 7-10 minutes drive, but there's some stuff you can't get there and we have to go to the nearest big town every 3 weeks or so.) The few extended family that I have (who are still living in the UK) live an hour and a half to three hours away!

I am guessing that you don't leave town much, and have ALL your family and friends within 1-2 miles from you! 😬

Or up a hill…

YANBU to say that he should be doing pick ups and drop offs if he moved away.

YABU to say that it's unsafe to drive a small car on a motorway or that he should buy you a new car.

Id be buggered it that was the case. I live on a hill

Oh and I have a little 1 litre car

yeah that's a you problem rather than the car 🤗

I understand it’s a small car and on motorways you probably feel more vulnerable surrounded by big cars. Take your time (but don’t be ridiculously slow as thats more dangerous). Drive when there’s likely to be less traffic on the roads. In motorways stay in the slower lane. If you can get more practice and start widening your area of driving.

I’ve driven huge cars (range rover size and 8 seaters) cars which are better for motorways but also small cars (2 door fiestas and corsa) which are better for winding roads as easier to pass another car (if you feel anxious passing cars slow down or even stop and pull to the side and let them pass if extremely narrow).

The best drivers have common sense it doesn’t matter what car you drive.

People need to say the left hand lane and overtaking lane/s. Saying 'slow' lane and the mentality that goes with it is what leads to middle and other lane hogging.
Wording is important on how people think and then behave
Lost count of how many idiots I've had to pull to the outermost lane to overtake (when they were overtaking nothing and doing under the limit), pull back into the left lane and then them, occasionally pulling into the left lane. A lot of them are not sentient though.

I have an 11 year old fiat 500. I commute to work every day, 40 miles each way including A roads, country roads and 14 miles of motorway. Your being unreasonable

They both moved.

Op is an adult, probably in her early 30s who wants her ex to buy her a car.

Op is an adult, probably in her early 30s who wants her ex to buy her a car.

And/or do all pick ups and drop offs

This is bonkers Op. 30 minute drive isn't far!!! Why can't you go on a hilly road??? Surely if your car is road worthy it's fine?
If you can't go on motorway as you are frightened - can't you just use A roads?

It makes me so sad that so many women seem to have their opportunities and experiences limited by driving anxiety. It seems really gendered into a slippery slope situation. A woman learns to drive in a tiny little car then continues with a tiny little car. The partner/husband drives the family (big man) car. Often because he's apparently so big and strong he can't possibly drive a smaller one.

Cue threads here with OPs who are scared to drive the bigger vehicle because they're not used to it. This seems to be the opposite side of the same coin with the OP now only having the smaller car and having lost confidence. Result is the same though, a reducing comfort zone.

Before everyone starts I realise it's not universal (and indeed the OP prefers to drive a bigger car) but it seems so common and a real limit for some women. I'm also not suggesting anyone should be driving if not safe to do but I think the idea that a woman should have a little pink car with eyelashes whilst her DH drives the big powerful car is what creates the anxiety that many seem to have.

I appreciate you are nervous but what exactly is it about having a small car that make you feel you cannot do these journeys?
Ive got a small car and drive a lot every day. I suppose I’d feel higher up in a big Range Rover but it’s still just a car.
Id strongly recommend some refresher driving lessons as this problem will end up causing you significant issues.

FYI learners are allowed on the motorway with a driving instructor with dual controls and with L plates.

I have not long passed my test, I have a car that is the same size as a Fiat 500 and is also very, very old. From the get go I have done all sorts of driving, in all sorts of conditions. It makes me bloody worried that there are so many nervous drivers out there. If you are that anxious you really shouldnt be driving.

The Late Queen was proud of her service in the ATS and ability to repair vehicles

That was driving heave vehicles with no power brakes & steering, crash gearboxes etc

Now thats a model to follow!

The problem is it becomes a vicious cycle. A driver lacking in confidence avoids situations which make them anxious. Lack of experience then compounds the anxiety. If they have no choice but to drive in those conditions they are unprepared and yes, potentially unsafe. The solution to this is to drive more not less. If you are nervous of driving on the motorway but need to take your kids on it sometimes get some practice without them. Increase your confidence.

So many posters seem to have missed that the op lied to get the kids into a school near their dad, and that’s why she drives there so often.

its not him shirking picking them up

i mean, maybe he does, and he’s shirking cms, but the need to drive there so often is self inflicted

Huh.

30 mins is not a long journey. Barely registers on my scale.

Motorways are the safest roads. A modern Fiat 500 is so much safer than whatever older cars you have driven/were driven in on a motorway growing up or as a younger driver. It really isn't a reason not to drive on the motorway.

When driving on the motorway - the most important thing for safety is keep up with the rest of the traffic. Doing 50 mph will cause chaos around you - doing 70 mph will mean you're just part of the regular flow.

But anyway, there are almost certainly a network of A- and B-roads that will get you there in 45 mins or so. You know... the ones that existed before the motorway? Probably existed before cars in fact... as tracks for horses.

So basically, no, it is no reason at all.

It’s only 30 minutes away? I live in a city and you wouldn’t have to move very far at all to make it a 30 minute drive away. Surely no one would criticise such a move?

Personally, I would not drive on a motorway in a tiny car like a Fiat 500. They are designed for town driving.

However modern and full of airbags they are, no amount of those changes the basic physics that it is a tiny car and the crumple zone is small. At least in a bigger car you stand a chance of having some of the cabin left in an accident and that could be the difference between life, death and a very seeious injury.

No, they're designed, like every other vehicle on the road, to be fully suitable for driving on every sort of road that exists.