Refusing to drive on a motorway/long distance in a Fiat 500?

[CheeseSandwich1]

What the title says really!

DC’s Dad and I aren’t together. He moved 30 minutes away and now lives in the countryside.
He expects me to drive to his new home but it’s very hilly and is in the arse end of nowhere, I really don’t feel comfortable driving there in my small car. For reference his own Mum also won’t drive there in her small car.

I also really don’t like motorway driving in my car as I feel nervous as it’s so small and I have to put my youngest in the front seat rear facing. This means anywhere the children need to go that includes motorway driving DC’s Dad has to take them.

I can’t afford to upgrade my car at the moment.

DC’s Dad thinks I’m being unreasonable about driving but he has a huge car (I would feel safe if I had his car as the children are all in proper car seats in the middle of back of the car).

AIBU?

YABVU. It’s a legally safe car. There are rigorous and stringent car regulations for safety.

I know so many women who won't drive in the motorway. Sometimes it's from a bad experience but often it's from the man becoming the default driver, especially long distance, and just getting nervous over time from lack of exposure

The problem isn't the car.

For years and years I drove Ford KAs, which are certainly comparable in size to a Fiat 500, if not smaller. I drove them here, there and everywhere. If anything, they are excellent rural cars, because they are small and nippy.

My parents lived also in the arse-end of nowhere, and I drove there perfectly happily. I also worked very rurally for a time.

Maybe invest in some lessons, just to boost your confidence.

Oh that's ridiculous.

I just drove my father's old car, a Citroen C1, from North Wales to Somerset ( 4.5hrs) and will be driving his new car which is a Fiat 500 from Somerset to Cornwall next week for him. He no longer drives long distances due to age.

Provided your car is roadworthy a 30 minute drive is nothing

a car not meeting the safety standards OP is comfortable doesn’t make her unreasonably anxious. I wouldn’t ever front face my children before the age of 4. Lots of parents do. A tiny proportion of those parents lose their children due to that decision. I won’t be one of them, it’s not a risk I’m willing to take. I don’t care if that’s something you want to mock.

Look OP, I didn't mean to be a bitch when I was the first one to comment that you want him to buy you a bigger car, but by your own admission, it is what you want. So this has nothing to do with country lanes, motorways or safety.

This is you being fuelled by anger, using excuses to try and be difficult, to guilt and punish ex into buying you a car. Did you tell him that you need a new car, if so what did he say?

Refusing to drive the children to him is not going to make him change his mind. Please understand, I am not dismissing the fact that he may or may not be a dick, and that he may not be declaring his benefits (which you need to advise the authorities of) I also get that you have spent a lot of time and energy on your relationship and came out short financially. Which you are partly to be blamed for, as even no decision is a decision, and you chose to be in that relationship assuming he didnt hold you captive.

I get that you are feeling anger towards the way ex treated you, and that life didn't turn out the way you thought it would. I get the dissapointment and anger and pain.

To be blunt, the only advice I can give you is, that it is time to pucker up, put your big girl pants on and show that man that you don't need him and teach your children how to be independent and confident and not to rely on anybody else, stop playing the victim and be the independent most amazing woman you can be, that will teach him, not sulking about a car.

You are in charge of how this works out, nobody else.

I don’t think they are necessarily easier to drive - it’s more that people can be scared and nervous and want the protection of a massive car. I’m not saying all big car drivers - I’ve driven many a big car over the years.

No they’re a car like any other and perfectly acceptable to drive on motorways.

So ask yourself a question. In a pile up, where you were hit by a truck and pushed into the back of a van, which car do you think the cabin will survive better…. A Toyota Aygo/ Smart Car/ Fiat 500, or a Ford Kuga/BMW X5/Land Rover Discovery.

I’ll make my choice.

You have that choice to make, OP doesn’t, she owns a Fiat 500.

She could be hit at traffic lights by a truck in a city? So why ever have a Fiat 500? Where is it safe to drive? Most accidents on city’s and fatal accidents on rural roads.

I’d choose an armoured car, but it’s unlikely I’m going to be in an accident anyway.

Why are you having to go to him? If its visitation. Why isn't he coming to collect his children?
Those saying shes being unreasonable. Why can’t he come collect his own children?

YABU about the motorway vs fiat 500 and 30min drive being long distance.

As it’s only half an hour exH needs to do the pick ups and drop offs.

If it was a longer journey, I would have suggested a half way pick up point but here is literally no need.

And I'll make mine, which is that any one of those cars meets a very acceptable level of safety, and I wouldn't hesitate to drive any of them.

This is the OP having a tantrum because her ex won't buy her a bigger car.

I've seen cars of all sizes fail to climb some steep roads in the Lake District. Imagine blowing the engine on such a slope and then being a woman stuck with small kids in middle of nowhere. She's right to be put off and a bit scared.

I don't think that's even remotely a possibility, how can a half hour drive mostly on a motorway put you in the middle of nowhere, where a modern car won't cope?

He should meet you halfway at the very least as he was the one to move further away. Rationally, your car is safe if it's roadworthy, but if you aren't comfortable driving it on motorways, he shouldn't force you for his own convenience.

Plenty of people use the motorway in very small cars (and motorbikes) so I don't think that's a good reason not to go. But he's moved further away so can't he pick kids up for contact?

I was taking about the hilly part.
Was in the Lake District with my foster parents and the daughter for 14 months while foster dad was working on a restoration project. 10 minutes out of town was practically wilderness and no phone signal covered between hills!
Both step dad and step mum had to use 4×4s to get around. There was even suggestion of getting walkie talkies as 3G signal wasn't reliable and weather could change in minutes. We were twenty or so minutes from a small town on a good weather day. That became 50 minutes in snow.
Obviously I don't know area OPs going to, but I can see her trepidation. If kids grandmother won't drive there, it sounds like it's steep up and downs.

OP has the car she has. The way her car seats fit doesn’t magically change because she’s driving up hills or the motorway.

Absolutely.

Given a choice, there's no way I'd drive a Fiat 500, but that's simply because I think they look horrible, not because I have any qualms about their performance or safety. If I owned one, I'd happily drive it anywhere I needed to, because if it had tax, MOT and insurance, it would be perfectly safe to do so.

I certainly wouldn't chuck my toys out the pram and attempt to blackmail my ex.

30 minutes is local from my perspective and a fiat 500 is a perfectly good car on motorways. I’ve done over 1000 miles this week on a motorbike on motorways so honestly a fiat500 is huge in comparison.

I'm not a nervous driver but I think OP is NBU and if her ex had any decency (which he clearly does not) he would have bought a slightly less expensive fuck off twat tank and bought her a sensible car (i.e. a proper hatchback, an estate, basic SUV) so that she and HIS CHILDREN can be safe. Motorway driving is generally fine but unfortunately thick people who are bad drivers make it dangerous because bad drivers "feel safer" in great big cars (because they can't fucking drive). That makes it dangerous for the rest of us.

I'm really sorry but if you don't think that a man who bought a £90k car and left his ex-partner and the mother of his children with an unsuitable car is a worthless waste of oxygen, I assume you're either an incel or have some other kind of serious psychological issue.

I understand OP. I had a tiny little Micra when our first DD was born, while DH took the 'big' car for work. I refused to do any motorway driving in the Micra, it felt like driving a tin can, and with huge SUVs and lorries zooming past the car rattled and I felt incredibly unsafe. If someone had rear ended me at 80mph the whole thing would have crumpled like a concertina.

Your ex should be picking them up anyway, so the whole thing is irrelevant.

But you are far more likely to be involved in an accident on a normal road and that accident is FAR more likely to be with a car travelling in the opposite direction or coming from a side road, making the collision far more dangerous and/or deadly. Motorways are safe.