Refusing to drive on a motorway/long distance in a Fiat 500?

[CheeseSandwich1]

What the title says really!

DC’s Dad and I aren’t together. He moved 30 minutes away and now lives in the countryside.
He expects me to drive to his new home but it’s very hilly and is in the arse end of nowhere, I really don’t feel comfortable driving there in my small car. For reference his own Mum also won’t drive there in her small car.

I also really don’t like motorway driving in my car as I feel nervous as it’s so small and I have to put my youngest in the front seat rear facing. This means anywhere the children need to go that includes motorway driving DC’s Dad has to take them.

I can’t afford to upgrade my car at the moment.

DC’s Dad thinks I’m being unreasonable about driving but he has a huge car (I would feel safe if I had his car as the children are all in proper car seats in the middle of back of the car).

AIBU?

I've worked in car insurance for many years, believe me, the vast majority of large loss claims involving death and life changing injuries happen on normal roads, not motorways.

You don't want to drive to your ex's in your car, (or drive your car at all?), he's not going to buy you a bigger one, you can't buy yourself one, so you need to organise your life around minimal driving. Ditch the 20 min school run. Use a school that's walking distance to you. This will give you more wriggle room for work and finding childcare, if you're not tied to an hour and a half of school run per day. When ex has the kids he can do pick up and drop off in his fancy car.
Your new lifestyle isn't compatible with your views on driving, or being available to work, kids making local friends etc.
It must really sting being ejected from a better standard of living but you're young and can be successful in your own right, you don't need him to buy you a car, sod him.

She is safe! The motorway is also statistically safer than the city and rural driving

Exactly - drive sensibly on a UK motorway and your chance of having a hoffific accident is pretty much as close to zero as you'll get on any road in the world. But a few people seem to fixate on that, while being fine with driving on empirically less safe 'normal' roads where the oncoming lorries/vans/SUVs/whatever-it-is-that-has-them-shitting-their-knickers are separated from them by nothing but a white line. It makes no sense at all. Plus somebody upthread said about lorries 'zooming past' on the motorway - just what the hell are you doing for that to be able to happen?

It's not an unsuitable car.

It’s a perfectly suitable car, OP just wants an SUV. Plenty of people drive Fiat 500s on the motorway and rural roads and they have lived to tell the tale.

Given OP is clearly a nervous driver, which car is she more likely to kill a pedestrian in due to the increased body size and weight?

Have you read her posts?
she got her kids in a school near him so that’s why she makes the journey so much. It’s not down to him

Smaller cars can be more resistant to rollovers as they have a lower centre of gravity. They also can be more aerodynamic when there's a crosswind on a highway bridge

I've driven a Suzuki Alto and a Dacia Sandero up and down the country and it's been totally fine. Also driven my mum's Fiat Panda and her old Fiat 500. The Fiat 500 was probably the most reliable of the 4!

We found the Joie 360 fits in our sandero quite nicely. An alternative we looked into is the Graco Extend. Likewise there's some super compact prams out there and your toddler will be walking soon/you can swap to a stroller or a scooter or use a baby carrier instead.

I get that it's anger inducing having to research all of this because your ex left you high and dry, and that's really the crux of the problem here. But there are plenty of people in the UK with similarly small (or smaller) cars who have been able to make their setups work.

Penrith to Sleddale? Or Penrith to most places in the south to mid lakes. And with the added bonus of hills that you need a decent sized engine to get up!

I've driven all over the Highlands, including up some pretty steep hills, in a small hatchback with a 900cc engine. All modern cars can cope with this stuff.

I've done those plenty of times even when I had my old 1.1!! Wrynose is more hairpin (ish) type bends on hills, I'd imagine most cars manage it. Definitely not a road for anxious drivers though 🤣

I remember going to the Lake District many, many years ago with my then boyfriend. His ancient VW Beetle did fine on both the Hardknott and Wrynose passes. Much to our surprise!

I'm sure that for £2K you could get a car bigger than your Fiat. Have you tried looking around?

Also if your kids are now 4 and 17 months, they will be at nursery or school, so you should be able to work a reasonable number of hours if you're using free childcare hours.

You also need to pursue your ex for more money as he's slipped through the net somehow by being dishonest.

You don't need a big engine to get up hills! You just need to be in the right gear.

@CheeseSandwich1 how much time are they spending at your ex's? Is he willing to have them more? If he has them 50/50 or more it removes the risk of having their school place withdrawn, takes away the maintenance issue and means that you won't have to drive so much.

Thinking back to traversing the whole of the UK in an 800cc VW Polo in the 90s...

I drive to Italy and back in mine almost every year!

Well, I'm not an anxious driver, been driving up & down the country for 40 odd years and wasn't too keen! It's when you meet someone coming downhill when you're going uphill and they won't give way. Once you stop, it's a bastard to get going again

I've got an automatic and even in the 2 low gears they give you, it's not easy especially when you meet someone coming downhill, in winter

Isn't it amazing how all the wonderwomen with small cars and fantastic driving skills have congregated on this thread?

It's as if they just want to give the OP a good kicking for having made regrettable choices and being left without money.

Shameful

You don't need fantastic driving skills to manage a couple of hills and a motorway in a Fiat 500, anyone can do that.

Take it you regularly drive in the Lake District, oh wonderwoman?

I drive in the Highlands regularly in a small car, as I've already stated. Never had any issues.

I do! I'm in the northern/western Lakes (and/or North Pennines/Howgills) very regularly, and live in the North York Moors where 25% hills are not uncommon. So I know full well that talk of small cars being unable to cope with the roads you find there is complete tosh; I've been over all the main passes in a Yaris so many times I could do it with my eyes shut.