Refusing to drive on a motorway/long distance in a Fiat 500?

[CheeseSandwich1]

What the title says really!

DC’s Dad and I aren’t together. He moved 30 minutes away and now lives in the countryside.
He expects me to drive to his new home but it’s very hilly and is in the arse end of nowhere, I really don’t feel comfortable driving there in my small car. For reference his own Mum also won’t drive there in her small car.

I also really don’t like motorway driving in my car as I feel nervous as it’s so small and I have to put my youngest in the front seat rear facing. This means anywhere the children need to go that includes motorway driving DC’s Dad has to take them.

I can’t afford to upgrade my car at the moment.

DC’s Dad thinks I’m being unreasonable about driving but he has a huge car (I would feel safe if I had his car as the children are all in proper car seats in the middle of back of the car).

AIBU?

I've worked in car insurance for many years, believe me, the vast majority of large loss claims involving death and life changing injuries happen on normal roads, not motorways.

You don't want to drive to your ex's in your car, (or drive your car at all?), he's not going to buy you a bigger one, you can't buy yourself one, so you need to organise your life around minimal driving. Ditch the 20 min school run. Use a school that's walking distance to you. This will give you more wriggle room for work and finding childcare, if you're not tied to an hour and a half of school run per day. When ex has the kids he can do pick up and drop off in his fancy car.
Your new lifestyle isn't compatible with your views on driving, or being available to work, kids making local friends etc.
It must really sting being ejected from a better standard of living but you're young and can be successful in your own right, you don't need him to buy you a car, sod him.

She is safe! The motorway is also statistically safer than the city and rural driving

Exactly - drive sensibly on a UK motorway and your chance of having a hoffific accident is pretty much as close to zero as you'll get on any road in the world. But a few people seem to fixate on that, while being fine with driving on empirically less safe 'normal' roads where the oncoming lorries/vans/SUVs/whatever-it-is-that-has-them-shitting-their-knickers are separated from them by nothing but a white line. It makes no sense at all. Plus somebody upthread said about lorries 'zooming past' on the motorway - just what the hell are you doing for that to be able to happen?

It's not an unsuitable car.

It’s a perfectly suitable car, OP just wants an SUV. Plenty of people drive Fiat 500s on the motorway and rural roads and they have lived to tell the tale.

Given OP is clearly a nervous driver, which car is she more likely to kill a pedestrian in due to the increased body size and weight?

Have you read her posts?
she got her kids in a school near him so that’s why she makes the journey so much. It’s not down to him

Smaller cars can be more resistant to rollovers as they have a lower centre of gravity. They also can be more aerodynamic when there's a crosswind on a highway bridge

I've driven a Suzuki Alto and a Dacia Sandero up and down the country and it's been totally fine. Also driven my mum's Fiat Panda and her old Fiat 500. The Fiat 500 was probably the most reliable of the 4!

We found the Joie 360 fits in our sandero quite nicely. An alternative we looked into is the Graco Extend. Likewise there's some super compact prams out there and your toddler will be walking soon/you can swap to a stroller or a scooter or use a baby carrier instead.

I get that it's anger inducing having to research all of this because your ex left you high and dry, and that's really the crux of the problem here. But there are plenty of people in the UK with similarly small (or smaller) cars who have been able to make their setups work.