AIBU to expect my husband to stay after an emergency caesarean?

[RudaRudoRude]

Name change as outing info before.
I had an emergency c section 3 weeks ago. Baby was 3 weeks early but fine. My DH has gone for the weekend to his parents for a large family celebration. I haven’t gone because I’m still really sore. I had the c section done with general anaesthetic as it was a real emergency they didn’t have time to do a epidural. I said to DH about him not going because I could do with help with the baby. I’m on my own and don’t have my own parents. His mum got upset so he’s gone there to the weekend party.
Now I’ve found out from a message from someone in his family who said to watch my back as my mil is implying that I can’t cope with the baby because I asked him to stay and he should look at leaving me and applying for custody.

I can cope with the baby, I was only asking him to stay because I really am sore and with having to do everything myself until Monday it feels a lot. I don’t know if I’m just hormonal or this isn’t fair. I didn’t think it was unreasonable to ask him to stay but was it?

Goodness me, you are so not in the wrong. Sending you a huge hug 💐

Well done OP, you should be super proud of yourself.

And you've not ruined the anniversary, your husbands and MiL's behaviour has.

This 👆

You are an absolute hero. You’re so strong and brave and I’m immensely pleased you have the wonderful support you deserve from your fm and friend. You’re a brilliant mum, your baby is lucky to have you.

Just read your update!

Well done!

I realise this is incredibly sad and hard but you will look back and feel so so proud of yourself. You've dodged years of suffering and your baby will not grow up watching you struggle with all of this. And you've ruined nothing.

Mum comes first.
That's his priority: his mum

If you can't live with that (and I wouldn't!) tell him to get to fuck.

OP you should be so proud of yourself 💐

Three weeks is no time at all. I was still very sore at three weeks , and help is needed sometimes! Mil needs to understand this is major surgery and recovery is long in some cases.

Big hug OP lots of mental support for you and baby. You have been through a lot in your life and do not need others to stir the pot. Baby is obviously very much wanted and loved by you. FM is your biggest support, lean on her experience.

Get rid of all the others who do not have your back in all this. Love your baby and do your best with people with the help of people who love and support you, i.e. FM, HV, friends etc.

I hope you find hope and happiness in your life and embrace all the challenges it brings along with your experiences that you have encountered.

Keep strong.

im sure anyone at the family gathering who isn’t as batshit as MIL is thinking wtf at the horrible treatment this family is giving you, hence the family member messaging in the first place, others in the family can see.

i really feel for you, baby colic and emcs recovery is so hard

No, its not. Your request was reasonable due to being in recovery, not because you cannot cope forever. She sounds like a nasty piece of work. The chance of a father getting custody of a breast feeding infant is extremely unlikely, especially as they have no case against you.

i love how strong you are being. This is a fresh start for you and your lovely baby. As hard as the next few weeks will be try to make time to enjoy the baby

just wanted to jump on and say well done for standing up to your awful husband and his awful family.

He will twist this and play the victim. Keep records. He and his mum will rewrite history and twist this into your issue. Keep records. Start a journal. Read if when you think you are losing your mind. Or if you waver and consider taking him back

I hope @spendyspend doesn’t work in the medical profession as she seems to think her sister’s experience is universal🤣🤣.

OP ignore this type of comment - clueless

Him and his mother sound a right pair of darlings, is he thick as lumpy custard as he sounds it, no words for his mother,..putting mildly it’s disgusting .

@Duvetdayneeded has it spot on.

Stick with your foster mum! She sounds like she’s got your back and is the support you need right now. So sorry your DH and MIL are such arseholes!! I cannot imagine my DH doing that to me and letting his DM say such things too, not that she would - you are totally right to leave him for the way he is treating you both pregnant and with his baby.

Of course he should have stayed. . Discraceful that he didn't. I had an emergency c section myself and it took me months to feel any way better

It’s honestly disgusting that they are talking about you not coping and getting custody knowing you are care experienced and using it against you! You are doing amazing and should be proud of yourself x

Sending strength. Well done you for refusing to accept such appalling treatment of you and your baby.

Noone in my family would DREAM of saying or doing the things he has - including leaving wife and newborn at home for a weekend away, party or not.

If one of them did every single member of the family would have told them they were a colossal prick, and to go home. Including the grandparents whose party it was.

I'm ASTOUNDED noone has. They're abnormal. You and your baby deserve far better than being second to that bunch of selfish loons.

Are you serious! No family occassion was more important than staying with the mothè of his child after her having a c section

Do some people on here not understand that others will take longer to recover from major surgery (especially a crash c section which can have a longer recovery than an elective or even a less serious emergency c section), plus it's op's first baby, why wouldn't she need help at 3 weeks pp??

When I had my first baby my ex decided he would go to Amsterdam for the weekend 3 weeks after she was born, I went and stayed with my Mam because I just wasn't confident enough to be by myself, I didn't even have a c section!

I dont know if you can see my post history OP but I made similar posts post section RE my husband, long story short it is getting worse day by day and now looking into getting a solicitor.

YANBU

You sound level headed OP. I’m glad you have people like your fm in your life. Sorry things haven’t gone well.

“I find it a bit stressful when I’m showering even if my baby is asleep I swear I can hear him crying even if he isn’t.”
I think this is really common. I’m quite laidback but even I experienced it.

I am so so glad your FM is there to help and support you. She sounds like an absolute brick (in a good way!). @RudaRudoRude you are so brave and more strong than you know. I salute your strength and determination. All the very best to you and your baby. You are better off without this man and his awful family 💐