the behaviour of most men

[notevensurprised]

I’m in my 50s.

Almost all important and non important men in my life, have disappointed me in catastrophic ways. Some directly treating me badly. Some indirectly by treating people I love badly.

I’m at the stage where the scales have fallen from my eyes. Not just fallen, but disappeared into a black hole. I know this happens for many women in perimenopause. I know we suddenly look up and around at this age and we are absolutely done with tolerating bad behaviour.

Some of my own personal stories relating to bad behaviour from men relate to verbal and physical abuse, financial and economic abuse, infidelity and cheating, inequality within the home in terms of chores and life admin, inequality in the workplace and in salaries.

I am just so done.

I’ve been devastated by the actions of my own DF, my own DH, ex BFs, uncles, cousins, friends.

There was one remaining man who I held in high esteem my entire life. BIL of decades. The brother I never had. I learnt recently he has cheated for years. When my DSIS told me, it was just like the last remaining shred of… I can’t even think of the word…. died within me.

It could not be more shocking in terms of who he appears to be from the outside. And yet I am numb.

The world seems to be run and controlled by lunatic men at the moment and this is just the icing on the cake.

This final revelation means I have zero belief in the goodness of any man any longer. I was holding on to it by a shred anyway.

AIBU to feel that the majority of men are cheating, abusive, lazy, weak willed, insecure, selfish, overpaid, mediocre, disrespectful fools?

Sure. Many years ago I was mugged by some black youths. They threatened me with a knife and stole my watch. So according to your standards and in light of my lived experience, I would be perfectly justified in saying that black people are likely to be violent criminals, right?

Or, just maybe, judging everyone who happens to be part of some arbitrary group as the same as a small proportion thereof would be pretty much the definition of bigotry.

It's not a matter of being the "thought police", it's about realising that the actions of a subset of a group does not justify making sweeping generalisations about that group as a whole.

Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.
Margaret Atwood

Plus ça change

Were these youths men?

I agree with you. I'm in my 50s. The soul crushing realisation that most men turn out to be crushing disappointments came gradually through my 30s and 40s... I made a decision to remain single and not pursue relationships in my early 40s after yet another disastrous relationship with an abusive man, and although it's been very tough bringing up 2 kids who both have additional needs, I've never, ever regretted that decision.
My father WAS a good man. Kind, thoughtful, worshipped my mum and was a wonderful dad. Finding out that he wasn't representative of most men was a blow. I have many wonderful male friends and family members although my (now ex) BIL just showed us all who he really is and my sister is feeling the same as me!
I work in healthcare. I do meet good men, both colleagues and patients. I also meet many women who had appalling experiences with men but stayed because that's what society expected. Women who were abused, cheated on and generally treated appallingly but their families had- still have- no idea. The case that just jumped in to my head was a disabled woman who attended a clinic once, she was in the process of divorcing her second husband who until a few months ago had been incredible. He'd been her sole carer, done everything, all the housework, all the cooking, drove her to appointments, told her he loved her daily- everyone told her how lucky she was to find such an amazing man. And then her daughter- in her early 20s- finally told her that he'd been sexually abusing her since she'd been 12, until she left home aged 18.
I'll continue to love and respect the men in my life but I don't think I'll ever be in a relationship again. Single for 10 years now.

Precisely

I'm white

If a black person tells me that they've experienced repeating patterns in mainly white spaces, I tend to believe them, yes.

This is interesting. The gender cheating gap in America. Top line is men are more likely to cheat than women apart from when they are very young.

https://ifstudies.org/blog/who-cheats-more-the-demographics-of-cheating-in-america

There's a fundamental difference between the man who says he loves you and the man who is stealing your wallet that some posters haven't grasped.