the behaviour of most men

[notevensurprised]

I’m in my 50s.

Almost all important and non important men in my life, have disappointed me in catastrophic ways. Some directly treating me badly. Some indirectly by treating people I love badly.

I’m at the stage where the scales have fallen from my eyes. Not just fallen, but disappeared into a black hole. I know this happens for many women in perimenopause. I know we suddenly look up and around at this age and we are absolutely done with tolerating bad behaviour.

Some of my own personal stories relating to bad behaviour from men relate to verbal and physical abuse, financial and economic abuse, infidelity and cheating, inequality within the home in terms of chores and life admin, inequality in the workplace and in salaries.

I am just so done.

I’ve been devastated by the actions of my own DF, my own DH, ex BFs, uncles, cousins, friends.

There was one remaining man who I held in high esteem my entire life. BIL of decades. The brother I never had. I learnt recently he has cheated for years. When my DSIS told me, it was just like the last remaining shred of… I can’t even think of the word…. died within me.

It could not be more shocking in terms of who he appears to be from the outside. And yet I am numb.

The world seems to be run and controlled by lunatic men at the moment and this is just the icing on the cake.

This final revelation means I have zero belief in the goodness of any man any longer. I was holding on to it by a shred anyway.

AIBU to feel that the majority of men are cheating, abusive, lazy, weak willed, insecure, selfish, overpaid, mediocre, disrespectful fools?

https://www.port.ac.uk/news-events-and-blogs/blogs/academic-expertise/why-women-would-prefer-to-be-alone-in-the-woods-with-a-bear-than-a-man

Hard reading

Ffs. Really?
No clearly not but I can still say that some women are just as bad as men. Not all men sexually assault people. Just hate that man bashing is such a massive thing but people forget women can be horrible too just in different ways! My MIL has made my life harder than any man in my 40 years of life!

Because all men want to fuck someone and that is all? So it can’t be possible both my brother and my BIL oh and my own DH are kind to the women in their lives and don’t go about wanting to fuck anyone else?! Some of you have warped brains and assume alll fucking men are the same!

Women can be cruel to each other granted - but it’s vanishingly rare to be sexually assaulted or financially abused or murdered by a MIL. My MIL was really hard work and caused a lot of upset at times. But that is nothing compared to the sort of behaviour I listed in my opening post.

No it's not .
I have sons and a husband who i believe are good men.
I would not stay /defend/ minimise/ cover up / excuse any of their behaviour detrimental to myself and /or other women, neither would i tolerate this from my daughter either.
I do not believe all men are bad the same as i do not believe all women are bad.
I know the damage and destruction men can do .
I love women , we are bloody amazing , i will always stand up for and support women , i think a lot of us are morally head and shoulders above men .
I am not a mother in denial, i just hate the way some people have decided that all men are bad when this is absolutely not true.

How can you possibly know what the men in your life are thinking?

My walk is something I find really beneficial to my headspace. I normally listen to podcasts or music so I totally tune out, just put one foot in place of the other, look at people’s gardens and appreciate the trees, and listen to something uplifting, funny or educational through my headphones. Increasingly I have been feeling uneasy about walking with headphones, so sometimes I just put one on. But now I am going to have to go a busier way, more traffic, less greenery - and I will probably not listen through my headphones at all. I can’t imagine any scenario where I would avoid women sitting on a wall….Men should face the same restrictions that their existence places on women.

It’s a rare man that wouldn’t fuck a hole in the wall. Most of them when questioned on the Australian survey suggested that if they could get away with fucking children they would, the percentage was overwhelming horrifyingly so
So again, we’re back to my Nigel my Nigel sat in the armchair here thinking pure thoughts about nothing but United chances of winning the league next season not shagging the teenager Next Door 🙄

Mostly women doing the school run, is it? I don’t think you’re making the point you think you are.

That was exactly the point She was trying to make. I’ve seen a few incidents of female driving on the school run, it happens

The only thing stopping most men from committing atrocities is prison and social judgment. If the age of consent was 10, countless men would fuck 10 year olds. The thing that is stopping them is not that a 10 year old is a child, it is because they don't want to go to prison.

Would love to see the official source of this statistic. I know maybe two men with criminal records.

If there’s no pre-disposition based on sex, how do you explain the crime statistics the world over, in every single culture and society?

So when the crime statistics don’t match your personal experiences you conclude the statistics are wrong? Do you know a sufficient number of men who know you well enough that they would disclose a criminal record to you, for it to be a valid statistic sample (i.e. a number in the thousands)? And even if you did, you don’t think that the logical conclusion would be that your sample is skewed by other confounding factors like the particular area you live, your background, your profession/ social circle etc and instead you conclude that the crime statistics are incorrect? Odd reasoning.

Exactly. As evidenced by the fact that in the past when there were usually no consequences a significantly higher proportion of them did so, and in countries where they still can with no/ minimal consequences a significant higher proportion still do so.

Patriarchy and the entitlement that comes with it is a social structure, not a biological one. To dismantle patriarchy you need to undo its central assumption - that dominance (and all the negative traits discussed in this thread that stem from it) is an inherently male characteristic. Otherwise what's the fucking point?

I've had far worse experiences at the hands of women than men.

DH, my late father, DS, future son in law, grandad, old boyfriends/school friends, best friends DH, etc, all lovely men.

Step is an arse tbf.

The broader point is why all these women are having to do the school run. Why aren’t the kids’ fathers doing these boring, thankless domestic tasks?

We’ve already established that only 18% of driving violations are by women.

Im really fed up seeing threads here condemning all men as the worst thing ever, because people have allowed themselves to be treated like shit by some men.
Of course sometimes life throws you a really bad curve ball and you meet a genuine bastard. There's no excuses for those men. And I feel complete pity for any woman unfortunate to come across one.
But at other times, women take shit they really should have the balls to walk away from. And when they eventually walk away, rather than owning their part in it, they blame every man who ever lived...for being a man.

Its infuriating.

Yawn. Pass me the bucket.

Yawn away. You sound pathetic.

I agree, most men are crap. And the people that think otherwise have usually set the bar so low that the absence of blatant abuse = a ‘good man’.

Thank you! You sound like a man.

No, I added a personal observation and did not conclude anything. I would just like to see the official source of the statistic that states 1/3 of men have a criminal record by the age of 50. I have a background in statistics and would like to know that that one was produced using sound and reproducible methods.

It's a hard one. I have 2 sons so I don't want to believe it yet I too have had difficult experiences with men. Men are naturally more aggressive, sexually motivated and find it easier to be selfish and less emotional. As a 47 yr old woman I have now decided to be more selfish myself. As women we pour ourselves into our partners and husbands but sometimes all we get back is Spoiled Pig Syndrome and we lose ourselves. They are never going to say no to being treated like Kings and they are never going to be a saviour. The more you make him feel like a God the more he believes he is one instead of treating you like a goddess. I now prioritise myself and my children. This doesn't mean I don't love men-I do, but I am REALISTIC about them. Men have helped me in countless ways in my life: being protective, being financially and practically supportive, great sex, lots of fun. We just expect them to be these fantastical beings from romance novels and that is not what they are. Being selfish and not being a doormat is really hard because women are conditioned to be selfless and giving. If we want to stop being so bitter towards men we have to accept what they are and what they can actually give us, not a fantasy and only give them what we reasonably can without burning out.