the behaviour of most men

[notevensurprised]

I’m in my 50s.

Almost all important and non important men in my life, have disappointed me in catastrophic ways. Some directly treating me badly. Some indirectly by treating people I love badly.

I’m at the stage where the scales have fallen from my eyes. Not just fallen, but disappeared into a black hole. I know this happens for many women in perimenopause. I know we suddenly look up and around at this age and we are absolutely done with tolerating bad behaviour.

Some of my own personal stories relating to bad behaviour from men relate to verbal and physical abuse, financial and economic abuse, infidelity and cheating, inequality within the home in terms of chores and life admin, inequality in the workplace and in salaries.

I am just so done.

I’ve been devastated by the actions of my own DF, my own DH, ex BFs, uncles, cousins, friends.

There was one remaining man who I held in high esteem my entire life. BIL of decades. The brother I never had. I learnt recently he has cheated for years. When my DSIS told me, it was just like the last remaining shred of… I can’t even think of the word…. died within me.

It could not be more shocking in terms of who he appears to be from the outside. And yet I am numb.

The world seems to be run and controlled by lunatic men at the moment and this is just the icing on the cake.

This final revelation means I have zero belief in the goodness of any man any longer. I was holding on to it by a shred anyway.

AIBU to feel that the majority of men are cheating, abusive, lazy, weak willed, insecure, selfish, overpaid, mediocre, disrespectful fools?

All the men in my life apart from my lovely grandfather who was a war hero have treated me like so much trash.
Today Id been waiting for a free spot at the garage to get petrol when this man drove right past me into the space I was waiting for a van to vacate so I absolutely let him have it and called him an arrogant prick amongst other things.
His girlfriend hid behind her bag and he drove off swearing with a bright red face.
I dont normally behave like that but Im just absolutely sick of men's entitled behaviour.

oh really?

I don't buy it 😂Or I live in an extraordinary world, or maybe an alternative reality because I know a lot.

One of my kids primary school teacher is a single dad, my neighbour is a single dad (he's a widow, no one said it was always a choice), 2 of my work colleagues are single dads, because one mum decided to move out leaving the kids.
I don't buy that you can go to your kids sports competition or training, see dad, and just assume there's always a mum present somewhere. It's simply not true.

I could go on, but what I do know is that one of the worst thing they experience is the mistrust from SOME horrible women, who are outraged to see a dad in a baby group, or in a "mum environment' in the same way than SOME idiots are horrified to think men use MN too.

I want to say something but I know I'll just get flamed for saying how I feel, and sharing my experiences, instead of just agreeing in the echo chamber.

Yep. Single dads are generally the preserve of rom coms. In real life I know 1, and even then he’s moved in another woman who does most of the care.

Still men. Women are at 6%!

You should spend 10mn around a Primary school during the school run, you might rethink quickly that road rage and inconsiderate and DANGEROUS driver behaviour is a male problem. Just go, and have a look, and see who is entitled.

My father and my uncles (all on their 80's now) have all had wonderful marriages and raised happy families. My Father is still.one of my main confidants and ihas been so patient, loving and wise with all of his children and grandchildren.

Have they? Or has their wife done most of it?

There’s just under 500k single dads (as in sole/main carer) in the UK.

ETA Also, still waiting for you to tell me what exactly I should take responsibility for.

I've come to the conclusion that you are being contrary just for the hell of it.🙄

or maybe, just maybe, you do not like to be told that the narrative of MOST MEN bad, women good is just pure nonsense.

They can be just as bad as each other, and thankfully just as good as each other.

And I don't believe that a normal parent, in real life, would mistrust a man just because he's a man , BUT would trust any woman with their child just because it's a woman. On an anonymous forum maybe, but you know in real life it's not the same.

Don't feed the trolls.

You didnt live with him how can you know and comparing all men to harold shipman!!!

Again you’re absolutely spot on only a couple of weeks ago. There was a male driver trying to drive up a no entry sign that is no entry because it’s one way pedestrianised next door to a school.
When I had the audacity to be walking down the road and wouldn’t get out of his way and pointed to the one-way sign I got given the finger and a mouthful of explicative in front of the children
Just the kind of man you’d like to be impregnated by. He then did a three-point turn and parked on the zigzag and went into Collector his offspring. Hopefully his offspring not a random one.

Im not 'insinuating' anything, I think my post is pretty clear. Ive had therapy and part of that was about what we attract and are attracted to and taking 'some' responsibility for that is part of it. I appreciate you dont agree but it doesnt make it right, and as many people have attested to, there are good men in the world and im sorry that you havent met them yet.

The fact that you are so willing to write off all men suggests that actually it is at least partly you, whether you are ready to see or accept that is another thing.

Ultimately it sounds like of youve made up your mind already so you do you

I don’t think she is writing off ALL men. There are good men (and she says so), just very few and world is packed with not so good ones - therefore - likelihood of finding one = low, very low.

I’ll be shot down here but it’s because they view life so differently to us in every way. They don’t love how we do, if at all.! I have seen a lot in my life because of industries I have worked in and very little is positive. I’m 49 and will never look at another male again, they can’t be trusted

You can bet everything on there not being alternative site's where all these men are falling over themselves to defend the decency of women, even the 'good ones' won't be sticking up for you.

And statistics.

Some women on MN seem oblivious.

I'm sorry to hear what you have experienced.

My experience is different. I know lots of honest, honourable, decent, brave, kind, helpful, loving men among my family, friends and colleagues.

Of course, I know plenty of cheaters, chumps and lazy arses too, but is crazy to say "I have zero belief in the goodness of any man any longer." Crazy.

I’m never going to be made to take responsibility for attracting paedophiles. But thanks for your top tip. 🙄

Men have constantly let me down and disappointed me, and every single time it has involved sex. I don’t believe men are innately worse than women. I have known some really vicious, evil women, and I have known good men. But when it comes to sex, men just cannot be trusted.

• A friend’s 30-year-old son who was caught grooming a 13-year-old girl online (you can see the hunters corner him on a Youtube video).
• A much-loved cousin arrested for viewing indecent images of children (i.e underage girls).
• A ‘nice’ local handyman who, it turned out, had been going to Thailand to sleep with underage girls.
• A male friend who told me he regularly visits prostitutes.
• A work colleague I liked who angrily defended landlords offering sex for rent arrangements (he didn’t do it, he just couldn’t see the problem).
• Plus, of course, the numerous examples of cheating, leering at women in public, ugly sex jokes, etc.

Males from a very young age think that females are a lesser species, ripe for manipulation to do what they’re want, they exist to serve males, to agree with them, to cater to them, to take abuse from them. Females buy into this but as you age, the scales drop and it becomes females turn to think that males are a lesser species. Seems fair enough. The pendulum swings.

I walk a set route most mornings to get my steps in. I have seen a few men hanging around recently in this suburban area. You don’t normally see men sitting on walls etc. I thought they might be working in a care home on a break. But I went past it this afternoon, it seems to be a large property that has been turned over to asylum housing or HMO. There were about 6 men sitting on the wall, several nationalities. They were just staring at me, the benign suburban street suddenly felt dodgy.This isn’t an asylum bashing thread it’s an observation that I will now need to find a detour to avoid that street. There will people jumping on to say but they haven’t done anything wrong. I don’t actually care about hurt feelings, but as a female, knowing what I know about men, especially single men from cultures where women are barely seen as human, I refuse to take that risk. And it’s fucking annoying. Women have to shrink their lives to avoid risks that men never have to think about.

I'm in my late 30s and can only wholeheartedly agree. My Dad did start my experience off well. Alcoholic, abusive to my Mum, controlling. Even though he hasn't touched a drop for years, he can still be very unpleasant when he wants to be. My ex husband was vile to me, controlling, verbally, emotionally and physically abusive. Still uses power play over our child. My sisters husband is an extremely controlling and abusive man and has destroyed my family. My best friend of many years - her ex walked out on her when she had twin babies, saying he couldn't cope. A lazy, weak man. Her sister's husband recently announced he hadnt been happy for years. That he blamed his depression on the mother of his three children who has given up career etc for their family. They are still unsure if they are separating but he failed to accompany her to an appointment to check if a tumour is cancerous recently. The number of women I know who have had partners who have cheated just blows my mind. I'm not saying its all men, but blimey its far too many of them. As someone above said, I have met so many incredible women in my life....men less so.

@Hybird’women have to shrink their lives to avoid risks that men never have to think about’

Yes this one really gets to me. I like to travel, I am very independent and I like doing things alone. It’s sad when you can’t as a woman do things due to fear of men. I wanted to take my kids camping alone. I do not feel it is safe enough - sleeping in a tent at night without a lock.

Every woodland path I walk alone, I check in front and behind regularly to check I’m not being followed.

There was some research where they asked women which did they most fear…

coming across a bear or a man on a secluded woodland path. The majority voted man.