the behaviour of most men

[notevensurprised]

I’m in my 50s.

Almost all important and non important men in my life, have disappointed me in catastrophic ways. Some directly treating me badly. Some indirectly by treating people I love badly.

I’m at the stage where the scales have fallen from my eyes. Not just fallen, but disappeared into a black hole. I know this happens for many women in perimenopause. I know we suddenly look up and around at this age and we are absolutely done with tolerating bad behaviour.

Some of my own personal stories relating to bad behaviour from men relate to verbal and physical abuse, financial and economic abuse, infidelity and cheating, inequality within the home in terms of chores and life admin, inequality in the workplace and in salaries.

I am just so done.

I’ve been devastated by the actions of my own DF, my own DH, ex BFs, uncles, cousins, friends.

There was one remaining man who I held in high esteem my entire life. BIL of decades. The brother I never had. I learnt recently he has cheated for years. When my DSIS told me, it was just like the last remaining shred of… I can’t even think of the word…. died within me.

It could not be more shocking in terms of who he appears to be from the outside. And yet I am numb.

The world seems to be run and controlled by lunatic men at the moment and this is just the icing on the cake.

This final revelation means I have zero belief in the goodness of any man any longer. I was holding on to it by a shred anyway.

AIBU to feel that the majority of men are cheating, abusive, lazy, weak willed, insecure, selfish, overpaid, mediocre, disrespectful fools?

Or -

Are sons and daughters raised differently?

Are girls and women historically expected to be tolerant of shitty men because they had vastly less power in their relationships?

Curious to know if you are still with your DH.

I have to say I agree with this and have done this myself. So many women develop pent up bitterness and hatred and will post on here or other places but never say anything to their husband or partner for fear of a bit of silent treatment or him being in a bad mood. We can be so conflict avoidant and that itself is passive aggressive. I have learnt I have to push through the tantrums and moodiness and hold my ground, then he knows I'm serious. He won't change unless he is made to. Men are not women. I think modern women have lost the art of dealing with men. I have a 92 year old client that I work with. She takes absolutely no shit from her husband, he does the dishes, the laundry and brings her a tea every morning. My MIL is the same.

Go on 4chan and you can find exactly the same thread about women.

I come from a long line of disappointing people. My own Mother being the worst and the person who failed me the most.

YANBU - generally Men do take less accountability and appear to care less about consequences. They're able to take more risks with their behaviour towards others.

YANBU - I do think most people can be disappointing at some point.

A small section of people are truly virtuous and actively try to be good to others. They still make mistakes though and we are all a villain in someone's story.

I think the majority or people try and be good unless it is inconvenient. It's a wide sliding scale of what level of inconvenience can turn a person to act selfishly.

Then you get a proportion of people who don't give a damn. Which appears to be disproportionately Men, but there are still women like this.

You probably think that's an insult.
Unfortunately for you, im a middle aged woman too, in fact im older than you.
And I call out nonsense when I see it.

Fully agree, 100%.
And, unfortunately I can say the same for my life experiences with males too.
Big let downs. I'm happily long term single., due to all kinds.
My main bug bearer is gender bias in jobs. I keep applying for a car motor parts job. I can do out standing on my head. Fully qualified, excellent geography of the area. Do I get it? I remember waking into a car parts store, for an interview, I looked around & i did not see a single person who was not a white male. Gender and race bias
Although when I called them out on this they dispute it.
Anyway, long past that. I still 100% agree though.

On a post like this, you will get folk disagreeing. Simply because they like to argue. I tend to quieten my thoughts as I'm sick of the back lash.

Ok Diane.

This is extreme but a surgeon amputated his own legs because it was a sexual fantasy of his. Addicted to weird porn. Made the news today. Worked as a surgeon at a Cornish hospital, where he performed amputations on patients (legitimately). In prison for fraud as he fraudulently got several insurance payments. Appeared on This Morning - claimed he went camping and got an infection and off his legs had to come. The reality is that put his legs in dry ice and amputated them himself.

They are a completely different species to women. Can you ever imagine that to be a thing for women? He presented as a respectable professional medical man.

I’d hate to be you. How sad.

I can’t but neither can you!

I agree with you!

😂😂😂😂😂😂

To be fair, women do all kinds of mad surgical things to their bodies, it's the motivation that's different. Two women spring to mind, one who deliberately blinded herself and one who convinced someone to cut her spinal cord and paralyse her. They both wanted to be disabled. They weren't getting sexual kicks out of it, but they were getting something from it.

The person who has hurt me and let me down the most is a woman - my mother

The person who did the most for me is a man - my granddad

But he was an exception, majority of men are in the least very selfish many are far worse than just selfish.

And I am happy to join all the threads discussing this very serious issue. The more we discuss the issue the more people shall realise that society allows men to be this way and the more educated we are the more we can change things, and that so often starts with how we are parenting our own sons

Same OP. It sucks.

Maybe I've just been lucky, but very few men who feature in my life have been aholes. My Dad is just the loveliest man. He's in his 70s now and he can't do enough for my mum, for their neighbours, and their friends. He will literally do anything for anyone. Growing up, he taught me plumbing, brick laying, car maintenance and electrics as he believed women should know how to do all the things men can.
My husband of 21 years is also just fab. He will do anything for anyone as well and people always comment on what a lovely bloke he is. I'm not saying he will always remember when it's his turn to clean the bathroom or hoover, but will always do it if I ask. He would never spontaneously give me flowers, but the dishwasher is always emptied, the lawn always mowed, and the washing done mid week. I know he's there for me whenever I need him, in whatever capacity I need him - as I am for him. We also have two sons in their late teens. So far, they seem pretty decent human beings too. Polite, kind, and happy to help around the house.
Of course, lots of men are aholes and don't deserve air space, but thankfully not in my world. I'm sorry you've had such bad ones in yours x

To be honest, I've know far more nasty, cruel and bitchy women in my life than I have men.

It's bizarre that a women's site that views itself as mainstream thinks it is okay to post this anonymous man-hating garbage to generate engagement.

"I have zero belief in the goodness of any man any longer. I was holding on to it by a shred anyway. AIBU to feel that the majority of men are cheating, abusive, lazy, weak willed, insecure, selfish, overpaid, mediocre, disrespectful fools?"

If a man wrote this about women it would be recognised as hate speech pure and simple and relegated to the far corners of the internet. Advertisers would boycott. The publication would apologise. Then we would have a government policy encouraging boys not to read it in case they started disrespecting women. No mainstream men's site would think that an anonymous angry woman-hater asking whether the majority of women were scum (plenty of angry men like that do exist) was an okay discussion. If Mumsnet had any integrity, they would take this divisive trash down and apologise.

So sick of women who peddle misandry but think it's okay as long as they start with "my dad, partner, sons etc are lovely BUT...". Lady, the men in your life are nothing special. They are just typical men, no better than the vast majority of men around you working away, hurting no-one, doing their duty and helping their families and friends. Why you think it's okay to endorse this media-driven hatred of men in general, as long as you privately exclude your own men, is beyond me. Just remember that other women are saying the same crap about your dh, sons etc when they slag men off in general but exclude their own partner. Your qualifier doesn't help at all.

If you look at who is damaging the world and sending the human race into oblivion, it’s men in the main.

Men write stuff like that and much worse (including violent content and threats) constantly on the internet .

Yup. And they get award-winning TV dramas, documentaries, newspaper columns and questions in parliament about how appalling and damaging such behaviour is.

But on mumsnet saying much the same kind of blanket statement about men is absolutely fine.

The difference is, we might all nod along in agreement and there might be a bit of eye rolling
Females don’t typically violently act upon their fantasies if they have them, which they don’t usually of harming men
We might take the piss out of them and laugh at them, for which we can expect to be justifiably murdered or harmed apparently
Huge difference in behaviour offline which is where it matters

OK, so as long as your bigotry doesn't often result in outright violence it's acceptable 👍

Often ?
97% of violence is attributed to men so it isn’t happening often is it?
There’s no thought police, people can think whatever they want and they can form their own opinions based on their lived experience
Just as little children aren’t racist they aren’t sexist Either life experience changes their perception. Whether that’s valid or not is down to the individual.