Should our 10-year-old contribute to replacing the broken car charge cover?

[Bdayupset]

Hi. Dd, 10, broke the cover off the electric charge point on our lease car. She was playing football right next to the car, even though there is a field joined onto our driveway. Literally, 2 steps away. Where they usually play football.

I suggested she could help me around the house today, but she just sulked off. Also, she didnt tell us about the breakage, we had to find it ourselves.

She gets £5 a week pocket money. Should we make her pay for the replacement? It will be bloody £118! We've already had a lot of expenses come up this month, and spent a lot of money ok them (2 ds also) as it's been half term.

What would you do?

Thanks!

For those saying “but she’s only 10. She doesn’t know any better” … the age of criminal responsibility in England, Wales and NI is 10.

Now, of course I am not suggesting in any way that it’s a criminal act, but it’s surely a bloody good benchmark about what age we expect a child to apply some sense and also to know right from wrong?

She isn’t being punished for being active.

She is being asked to take responsibility for an accident of her causing from playing where she shouldn’t and for then not admitting it.

10 isn’t too young to realise actions have consequences. Paying £10/£20 out of pocket money towards the repair is fair and reasonable.

wow

Nobody is perfect not even the OP. Do you impose a fine on yourself if you break a mug, vase etc etc.
This was accidental.
I would certainly not dock pocket money. If you do you are setting a precedent for all future breakages with all the family. It would be unfair to penalise this DC & not any others.

Well as an adult I find if I break something I have to pay for a replacement. Unless I am doing something wrong and a magic fairy will come and provide new ones for free?

If it didn’t belong to me then yes I would pay for it

That’s a daft argument 😅

Yes, if you kick a football and break someone’s mug or vase the “fine imposed” is that you pay to replace it.

At no point have I said that. I have actually said at least twice I would expect her to pay towards it with half pocket money for a few weeks. So paying £10 or £20 towards it.

it is important to teach children that actions have consequences. We aren’t doing them any favours to just ignore everything.

edited to add one of those posts was on this page so you hardly have to read back far!

Because Costatesco seems unable to scroll up a few posts….

She’s 10!!
it was an accident!
for goodness sake - all kids damage or break things once or twice in their young years. Talk to her!

From about this age we had a principle in our house that it’s not really an accident if it was caused by you doing something that you shouldn’t really have been doing. She knows that’s a silly place to play football but she was too lazy to go to the field. That was a choice and it means she should have been being much more careful and she wasn’t.
We also have always had a principle that being honest means you get into less ‘trouble’ than if you lie/cover things up (and essentially we’d be just a bit performatively disappointed and pointed out how silly they were). It has meant we’ve never had to put in place any significant consequences because they’ve been generally honest about who has done what and suitably apologetic.

I believe that children learn when we hold them, kindly, to some reasonably level of responsibility. Here, I’d expect her to ‘work’ to pay for the consequence of her laziness but it would need to be extras and it would be done without any negativity. Just a ‘We all make mistakes - I’ve done silly things too and they aren’t the end of the world but they do need to be fixed. Your poor choice in place to play has created an extra cost and caused me inconvenience in having to get this fixed and therefore I need you to help me out in return’. I would also be pointing out that, had she been honest about it in the first place, you’d be feeling a lot less bothered about it and that you’re a bit disappointed that she didn’t own up.

I know, it's shocking isn't it, that some parents still have standards.

Exactly this

I would use chores and tasks. Fairly arduous ones. Not the money. The money is fairly meaningless to a 10 year old, although I do think a fiver a week is a lot for that age, but what do I know!

Tasks and chores. Restorative work. Involving her in the work needed to try to get the thing fixed.

I’d give her £2 a week and take £3 towards the car until it’s paid off. Even adults don’t have to use every penny to pay a debt.

I would add a punishment too. Maybe clean and vacuum the car too.

All breakages must be paid for

Never seen that sign in a shop?

Absolutely this. She’s 10. She broke something while playing football outside - a nice wholesome activity when she could have been inside on a screen. She doesn’t feel able to admit it. Probably because she knows an unintentional accident will cost her 5 and a half months’ money!!!

Every child our kids were friends with that were afraid to own up to a mistake or an accident were a total pain in the arse. Spent weeks trying to identify a disgusting smell in the house - worried about serous drain issues, something died in the walls etc. Turned out a friend, only age 7 and with parents that were just like you sound, had split milk under the sofa. Our kids would have told us straight away, would have cleared it up while they carried on with their Lego, zero dramas.

We have a rule in our house that no one gets in trouble if something was an accident. Most of the time if something is broken the person who did it is really sorry & is told not to worry about it. I appreciate this was an expensive accident though & if it happened here we would have words about trying to make sure it didn’t happen again etc.

That’s insane. She’ll be paying it back for months.

Yes. Stop the pocket money. Make her do extra work.