Should our 10-year-old contribute to replacing the broken car charge cover?

[Bdayupset]

Hi. Dd, 10, broke the cover off the electric charge point on our lease car. She was playing football right next to the car, even though there is a field joined onto our driveway. Literally, 2 steps away. Where they usually play football.

I suggested she could help me around the house today, but she just sulked off. Also, she didnt tell us about the breakage, we had to find it ourselves.

She gets £5 a week pocket money. Should we make her pay for the replacement? It will be bloody £118! We've already had a lot of expenses come up this month, and spent a lot of money ok them (2 ds also) as it's been half term.

What would you do?

Thanks!

I wouldn’t make her pay for it all because she’s 10. I’d explain to her that if she damages something she must tell you or her dad. Did she know she’d broken it, or kicked the ball it bounced off and she collected the ball not looking at the car? I’d also tell her no balls around cars and she must go on the field (which if I had a rental car on my drive I would have done that anyway).

So no consequence then?

Just a talk is no consequence at all.
There needs to be a real tangible consequence, not just words.
"Blah blah blah" from Mum goes in one ear and out the other. Totally ineffectual.

Even though it was an accident, it was a foreseeable one, caused by playing in a silly place.
I suggest two weeks pocket money docked - that is a long time at 10 years old.

That’s what I’d do - but I would make it clear that if it happens again then she’ll be covering the whole cost of it.

Given that she has been told not to play football near the car, didn’t tell you about the accident, and hasn’t suggested a plan to make up for it, I would make her contribute to the replacement.

I wouldn’t make her pay for all of it though, I wouldn’t make it proportional to income and explain that. So if e.g the cost of the replacement equates to half of the family’s fun money for the month, dock half of her pocket money for the month and explain you are all in it together.

And/or natural consequences. If you now have nearly £200 less for the month, does that mean there are activities, clubs etc that were planned but she now can’t participate in because you can’t afford them (could be combined with reduction in pocket money).

I would give her a list of chores and what y ou are prepared to 'pay' for each thing and tell her she has to work off the cost of the repair. If she refuses to, then dock her pocket money. The sulking about doing chores would annoy me more than the original carelessness, tbh.

It's an accident.
By all means stop this weeks pocket money if you want to, but she's still a developing child, not always capable to see every eventuality in advance when making choices.

I would have thought by 10 years old they will have had that talk previously and she should know by now.

If this is the first time she is being told these things that would be some bloody poor parenting! 😅

Jesus Christ some of you are so bloody mean.

I don't see it as sly at all. I see it as the parent has failed to build the type of relationship where the child feels comfortable admitting this type of accident. No doubt because she knows the consequences will be wildly over the top, like taking several months of pocket money away.

You don't know she doesn't care. She could care a lot but also be embarrassed and afraid to own up.
You don't know why she sulked. I remember doing similar as a child but it wasn't because I didn't care it was the opposite.

Agree. She's 10, and it was an accident.

I have a friend who was in penury most of her teen years because she and her brother were paying back the replacement of the porch window after they broke it a few years before.
I thought it was awful and my parents agreed. But, guess what? All four kids from that family are incredibly successful, money savvy while still being generous and great musicians to boot!
Their mother was a primary school principal. She clearly knew what she was doing. They'd all die for her too. They respect, revere and love her to death. Tough love is tougher on the parents but does kids a world of good!

I think yes to contributing but not the full amount as it feels a bit too unobtainable. They need to start understanding the value of money and also that being careless has consequences. I’ve also got to the point with my own 10 year old where she has to replace things she’s lost through carelessness.

There are accidents and accidents. I keep saying to my own children that accidents that happen as a result of them prating about or doing things they’ve specifically been told not to aren’t really accidents. If she had been more apologetic I’d feel differently but it sounds like she doesn’t really give a shit so I think a harsher consequence is needed especially as the car is a lease one.

Yes, she pays for part of it

My god yes! She's 10 and it was an accident!

Whether they’ve had that talk with her or not it hasn’t gone in or been listened too

I would be more annoyed about the fact that she didn't own up to it, rather than the money.

Maybe dock a week just to get the message across that things cost money, but charging her the full amount is completely over the top for what was an accident.

agree

Take this as a opportunity. She will have to pay it, some will be payed with her pocket money and some with extra chores after she does her usual stuff tidying etc for free because that is not something to be payed for that is normal stuff.
Two birds one stone. You have to replace that thing anyway and she will learn a bit of responsibility.

I would never punish a child for having an accident

Contribute to the cost, yes; pay for it all, no. Although £5 is generous pocket money, it will take her months to pay off the full amount. I'd probably make her pay £20 towards the cost and either dock the full pocket money for a month, or give her less pocket money over a longer period.

I'd be more annoyed about her not admitting to the damage than about being silly and playing where she shouldn't. If she'd owned up straight away and apologised, I probably wouldn't make her contribute anything, as we all do dumb things sometimes. You need to address why she didn't feel she could admit to the accident. (She was probably embarrassed and afraid of consequences, but the message about doing the right things needs to be reinforced.)

No. It was an accident and she’s only 10.

Despite it being an accident it still costs money to replace it. Quite a lot of money by anyone's standaeds. And it's an accident caused by her being careless, it's not like she dropped a cup on the floor.

There's no need to be cross about it, but she needs to have some involvement in solving the issue IMHO. Personally I'd give her some extra chores to do to "pay" for it and explain kindly that you go to work to earn money so that you can pay to fix stuff. I wouldn't go ballistic and try and shame her but nor would I completely let her off the hook.

Charge her a token amount, and ensure you are actually supervising her.

She is 10 - she shouldn’t need constant supervision.

And to the PP - She is also old enough to understand about going to work without having to have it explained ‘kindly’