Should our 10-year-old contribute to replacing the broken car charge cover?

[Bdayupset]

Hi. Dd, 10, broke the cover off the electric charge point on our lease car. She was playing football right next to the car, even though there is a field joined onto our driveway. Literally, 2 steps away. Where they usually play football.

I suggested she could help me around the house today, but she just sulked off. Also, she didnt tell us about the breakage, we had to find it ourselves.

She gets £5 a week pocket money. Should we make her pay for the replacement? It will be bloody £118! We've already had a lot of expenses come up this month, and spent a lot of money ok them (2 ds also) as it's been half term.

What would you do?

Thanks!

£118 at £5/week is not over a year.

Did you tell her to not play football by the car?

Stop her pocket money for the remainder of the year. If she cba to be sorry or work it off then it seems fair. It’s not punishment, it’s making her responsible for her actions

but they only way they learn to think logically is by practice and experience. Right now she obviously doesn't care that she did this. Has she even apologied?

Extra chores. Not because she accidentally broke it, but because she hid it and then sulked at helping. It's the attitude that needs correction, not the mistake.

While some consequence might be needed, I think you do need to be careful about if you are too draconian, she might not own up to things in future. I got into massive spirals of lying as a teenager (mostly about school work), because I was afraid of how my parents would react. And there were some breakages I never admitted to, for the same reason.

No. Your child had an accident. That’s just how life goes. You could have checked what she was doing and where.

I think the difference is that she didn’t own up to it though (unless she hadn’t realised). I would probs dock 2 weeks pocket money

Yes definitely. It was an accident caused by carelessness. I wouldn't phrase it as a consequence or punishment, but as an example of how we rectify mistakes we make. I would say she will be contributing 2 months pocket money, and point out that this isn't even half the cost which the parents are covering on her behalf. When the two months are up I would also ask her to explain what she had learned from this.

I wouldn’t make her pay anywhere near the full amount but due to the fact she was playing where she knew she shouldn’t, she didn’t tell you immediately and then sulked at the idea of a reasonable consequence then I would say something along the lines of half pocket money for the next month.

I would also make it clear that if it happens again she won’t get off so lightly!

Absolutely, whether it was a mistake or not she's old enough to understand there are consequences to her actions, and her attitude isn't helping. It wasn't as though out of absolutely nowhere she fell on the cover or something, she was playing football where she shouldn't have been, and nor is she a tiny toddler who had no way of foreseeing that playing carelessly near breakable items could result in breakages (unless significant SN of course).

I would certainly be docking her pocket money for at least a few weeks - if she apologises and is keen to make amends I'd then definitely give her the opportunity to do some extra weekend chores (at highly inflated rates) so that within a couple of weeks or so she's back on an even keel and can have pocket money again, as if it drags on out of all proportion to the incident itself that will just breed resentment rather than learning. But I definitely wouldn't just let her off it entirely!

Yes deduct the money from her pocket money definitely , she needs to learn not to be sly and to own up straight away when she has done something.

If she was breaking a known house rule, dock two weeks' money.
If not a rule, set the rule now.
Tell her you'd always want to be told.

Accidents happen, and she's only ten.

Surely by 10 you don't watch them every minute of the day and micromanage to this extent though? If OP thought she was either playing football in the field or playing a quieter game on the drive, how was she to anticipate the kid was actually kicking a football at the car charger?

I guess the alternative consequence I would give for an older child that had been really careless and damaged something valuable (if I didn't want to do the docking pocket money or extra chores thing) is to not let them go off to play independently and make them stay where I can see them, more as you would a younger child - but the trouble with that is it's a right PITA for you as the parent, having to deal with a bored and moany child all day and not be able to send them off for some exercise and to burn off energy until I was there to supervise, no thanks!

No, it was just an accident.
Unless, you'd told her not to play there and why but she refused? Then, yes - but only a week's money.

She's 10. It was an accident so no.

If she was 18, earning a wage and purposefully smashed a vase on the floor that is when they pay for damage.

I think most 10yr olds would skulk off with the offer of helping around the house, maybe you could've gone to the field with her for an hour or suggested she met a pal?

They learn by watching and maturing mostly.

Out of interest, why? Accidents have consequences and it sounds like reasonable care could have avoided this accident - how would you teach that reasonable care should be taken in future, especially given the lack of remorse?

You don’t suggest she’s helping, you tell her.

DD9 broke her earphones last week. She had to pay half of the price for a new one. Reason being She is careless with her stuff and is told over and over again to look after things as the money used to buy it doesn't grow on trees. I say go without pocket money for a few weeks.

A week of no pocket money to teach her that careless behavior costs money is reasonable. Making her pay the lot is disproportionate as a mistake of this type wouldnt cost you 23x your weekly income.

No way. It was an accident.

I'm not being funny but i drive an old car that i own outright and coule therefore choose whether or not to replace it and if so, on whst timescale. If it wasn't a lease car, would you feel the same? Because if so, I think its unfair to make her pay just because its your nice thing that she accidentally broke. Amd I think the fact you mention it being a lease means that's a factor.

I wouldn't do the full amount but would do a month of no pocket money and explain why.

Hopefully it will make her think twice in future and also teaches a valuable lesson about costs etc

The main problem is her attitude; if she'd apologised immediately you probably wouldn't be posting. If she's losing pocket money make it 4 weeks unless you want it to still be an issue after then. I'd want to move on.

There is already problem with her sulking off, now is the time to teach accountability and responsibility. Chores and no pocket money until the £118 is paid off. This will serve her well in the future. I see adults with this attitude, and it’s because they were never taught accountability.