Should our 10-year-old contribute to replacing the broken car charge cover?

[Bdayupset]

Hi. Dd, 10, broke the cover off the electric charge point on our lease car. She was playing football right next to the car, even though there is a field joined onto our driveway. Literally, 2 steps away. Where they usually play football.

I suggested she could help me around the house today, but she just sulked off. Also, she didnt tell us about the breakage, we had to find it ourselves.

She gets £5 a week pocket money. Should we make her pay for the replacement? It will be bloody £118! We've already had a lot of expenses come up this month, and spent a lot of money ok them (2 ds also) as it's been half term.

What would you do?

Thanks!

Maybe dock for a few weeks to get the message across that she's cost you money, but don't punish her for a full year over this. By the time it's paid off, she'll be in secondary school!

Given she doesnt seem to give a shit, yes, i would stop her pocket money until the full amount had been paid back.

No, I wouldn't. If it was intentional damage, then yes, but it wasn't, it was an accident

I can understand the rage but perhaps docking a couple of weeks would be more proportionate.

I suggested she could help me around the house today, but she just sulked off.

I would have insisted, not suggested.

Maybe dock her money for a month, you can't make her pay for the whole thing. You're the parent, just make sure she doesn't play footie near it again and set some consequences in place if she does.

No, I wouldn’t she’s 10. A talk about being more careful when playing is enough. I’m sure it was an accident.

She shouldn't be skulking off!! She must have kicked the football really hard!

I would suggest she has to work to pay it off at a rate of £10/hr.

That way she will appreciate the cost of hard work and money.

I’d take a few weeks off her but that’s it

I would probably make her pay for 1/3, so £40. I would frame it to her that she pays 1/3, you pay 1/3 and Dad pays 1/3.

But I would sit down and explain some options to her. £40 is 8 weeks worth of pocket money so goes well into the summer! I would also offer her some chores to offset the debt... but put a price on them now. So if she emptied the dishwasher it's worth £5 or if she washed the car it's worth £10 etc.

I would assume this was done accidently?

There is a big difference in if she has done it on purpose or if she has accidently broken it IMO.

For an accident, I may dock some money for a couple of weeks just so there is a consequence of sorts. Again this would depend on whether she actually was sorry or not.

No, she’s 10 fgs. Dock her one week pocket money and make her help extra around the house, but otherwise learn to accept that these things happen and will happen again.

I would make her pay some of it not because it was deliberately done but because of her attitude. She needs to learn to step up and admit when she's in the wrong not go sulking off.

Yeah I'd make it clear though that half the issue is the not being honest about it. I'd dock half her pocket money for a year until it was paid off or 6 months no pocket money. Whichever she prefers. But id also be giving opportunities to earn the pocket money back through added chores etc or else she will have no incentives to behave until it's paid off. Guessing you cover toiletries and basics for her etc so the pocket money is literally toy/sweet money so doesn't matter if she goes without it.

No, it was an accident

I think some extra chores (washing the car might seem appropriate as it's somewhat related) i.e. we can't get the car washed because the money has had to pay for a new charger cover (or similar) plus a period of no pocket money, given she seems to be unbothered by it. But I don't think you can leave her sans pocket money for the 23 weeks it would take to pay for it.

I'm conflict3d, and I am.usually the super strict one.

Firstly - how certain are you that she did it? Do you have a camera that proves it was her? Unless you are 100% sure then she shouldn't be paying for it.

Could her sulking be because she isnt the one responsible?

I think that would be diabolical to be honest. No wonder she didn't dare tell you if this is how you respond to accidents.

No, it was an accident.

But it's an accident that has only happened because she's been playing football near the car? E.g. we loved playing with bouncy balls when we were little but we weren't allowed to play with them where they could bounce into the TV. If we had, it would still have been an accident but it would have been a preventable one?

Had she been told not to play football there? It may have been an accident but 10 is old enough to learn that you need to think about what you are doing and where and if you are likely to damage anything.

I would be annoyed but I wouldn't make her pay.

She's a child, they don't always think logically.

Children play. Accidents happen. They are part and parcel of family life.

What you need to address is not making your child take responsibility for an unforeseen accident, but the fact that she didn’t tell you about it. If your child is afraid to say “Mum, I broke the thing, I’m really sorry”, then you are going wrong somewhere and you need to look at your relationship.

Has she been told to not play near the car? If so, then while it’s technically an accident in that it wasn’t deliberate, I would dock a bit of money (not the full amount!!)

Also what do you mean she sulked off when you suggested she help around the house? Why was that allowed?