Should our 10-year-old contribute to replacing the broken car charge cover?

[Bdayupset]

Hi. Dd, 10, broke the cover off the electric charge point on our lease car. She was playing football right next to the car, even though there is a field joined onto our driveway. Literally, 2 steps away. Where they usually play football.

I suggested she could help me around the house today, but she just sulked off. Also, she didnt tell us about the breakage, we had to find it ourselves.

She gets £5 a week pocket money. Should we make her pay for the replacement? It will be bloody £118! We've already had a lot of expenses come up this month, and spent a lot of money ok them (2 ds also) as it's been half term.

What would you do?

Thanks!

I think the fact that she didn't tell you needs further discussion, whatever else you do. Did she not notice? Not know what the device was/didn't think it was damaged? Did she think the damage would be overlooked even when you returned the car? Or that you would think it happened naturally/someone else did it? Or did she just not think? Explain to her what the issue is and make sure she understands that she needs to tell an adult right away of something like that happens again, and why.

Did you make it clear that her extra help around the house was a punishment, or a way to help pay for the damage? If you meant it to be one of those things, I think it's important to make it clear and require her to do specific tasks, not just suggest. If you want to make her responsible in some way (which is reasonable) you could offer her the choice of paying say 10% of the costs out of her own money OR doing selected extra chores around the house.

Dock the pocket money and she also has to do work around the house. Ten is old enough to know and learn about the value of money and things. Kids play but it will teach her to be more careful, no need to play by the car and that when these type of things happen, there is a consequence to them in that it costs money and or time to repair. Its a good life lesson.

No, she’s not an adult with a job. I think at 10 years old, instead of say, 15, it’s an issue of not being supervised properly.

I wouldn't expect her to contribute financially. But there should be some sort of consequence...not so much for the breakage (which was an accident) but for not telling you about it. Maybe extra chores around the house for a couple weeks?

It depends how clear in the past you have made it that she is not to play near your car.

Do you not watch her playing outside?

She's only 10 and unless you've really driven home where she is allowed to play football I think you're being unreasonable to 'fine her'.

It's partly a parental issue because balls and cars nearby don't mix.
She needs very clear reminders.

I wouldn't make your daughter pay for full £118 but I would stop several weeks worth of pocket money. Yes, your daughter is 10, but she also needs to learn there's consequences to actions. It was an accident, but it wouldn't have happened if your daughter hadn't been playing football by the car. Presumably, she's been told before not to do this? Also she didn't tell you when it happened, and you had to find out. You need a conversation with your daughter, about being upfront when something goes wrong.

The sulking this morning, when you asked her to help you around the house, would have really annoyed me! She's already in trouble for breaking the car charger cover, and not being upfront about it....so sulking is the last thing she should be doing!! So yes, in light of the sulking and the rest, you need to stop her pocket money for a few weeks! All behaviour has consequences, it's a lesson she needs to learn!!

We don't know if she has been told before and if so, how often.

What does she usually spend the fiver a week on?

No, it sounds like an accident. I wonder why she didn’t tell you?

I would do this too.

Firstly I’d decide what you are punishing her for? For causing the damage or not telling you or both.
Then decide on the punishment.

I don’t think I’d dock her pocket money because it will take her absolutely ages to pay that back.
Also I think of you come down too hard on her she’s less likely to confess to things in the future.

I would explain to her that you were disappointed she didn’t own up straight away and that the reason she is not supposed to play football right next to the car is because stuff like this happens. I would also explain the repair cost and therefore there will be no treats this month because you need the money for the car.

Accidents happen but walking away and sulking off wouldn’t have been tolerated by me!
I’d sit her down when everyone has calmed down and explain the cost implications and take it from there. She either keeps her pocket money but does extra chores around the house, or she loses it for a few weeks. Would she even be bothered by that?
It seems it was an accident but actions have consequences and she needs to understand that.

This. “Suggested” ? pffffft!

Her attitude towards it would ensure that I made her pay the full cost. If she was remotely apologetic, I would only dock a month but the attitude would seal the deal.

I've just thought... you mentioned yiu have other kids too. Was she the only one plating football next to the car or were the others also playing? If not just her, then I think the punishment should be split between them all as they were all complicit, it's just unfortunate she happened to be the one to hit the car.

So for example all 3 kids get 2 weeks pocket money docked.

I definitely wouldn't make them pay the full lot.

Accidents happen so no.

I would have a serious chat until I was sure she understood. Esp about the need for honesty. No way would I make a ten year old pay for what was essentially an accident.

I think contribute something. Even if only a tenner it sends the right message about care.

Accident or deliberate…….it would be non-admission to causing the damage that would be a deal breaker for me! If they’d confessed immediately then I’d be more forgiving…..to keep quiet would have consequences.

For me, the big issue would not so much the breakage but the not being truthful about what she had done. Schools these days are big into restorative justice so maybe try asking DD what she believes is a just punishment?

What did you say in the moment @Bdayupset ?

or did you say “ok I’m just going to consult mumsnet re how to punish you but I’ll be back to you shortly DD”?

I’d probably ask that she clean the car inside and out.

That’s not a bad idea!

However I still don’t think she should be punished for an accident and I feel perhaps these punishment are why she didn’t tell her mum.

The fact that she didn't own up to it and is now sulking about it then yes I'd want there to be consequences. It was an accident but one that happened because she was thoughtless in this instance. I'd stop her pocket money for two weeks to start with, explain why and see how contrite she is.