Should our 10-year-old contribute to replacing the broken car charge cover?

[Bdayupset]

Hi. Dd, 10, broke the cover off the electric charge point on our lease car. She was playing football right next to the car, even though there is a field joined onto our driveway. Literally, 2 steps away. Where they usually play football.

I suggested she could help me around the house today, but she just sulked off. Also, she didnt tell us about the breakage, we had to find it ourselves.

She gets £5 a week pocket money. Should we make her pay for the replacement? It will be bloody £118! We've already had a lot of expenses come up this month, and spent a lot of money ok them (2 ds also) as it's been half term.

What would you do?

Thanks!

I think 'suggesting' she help around the house was a bit feeble tbh. Did you expect her to say "great idea mum, where do I start?"

You should have told what she needed to do eg "you can clear the table after dinner this week" "feed the dog" or whatever.

Also teach her that owning up when you make a mistake is best rather than being devious and hoping you won't be found out.

I think you need to separate the issues. Is she allowed to play in front? I know you said she doesn't usually but that's not the same as saying she can't. If she did, and it was a genuine accident, then I wouldn't expect her to pay for it, although there would be a consequences for not telling you when it happened. Secondly helping out around the house - all of the children not just the daughter - should be a given, not just used as a punishment. Huffing off because she's been asked to do something is unacceptable. If you just stood and allowed her to do this, that's half the problem there. You don't 'suggest' your child does something, you tell them to do it and there are consequences if they don't.

it would have been better to say ‘you broke something expensive by being silly. It’s going to cost us a lot of money to replace. This week, you are going to do some chores for me to help, in the morning you can water the plants, and after dinner you can dry the dishes. You also get no pocket money for two weeks.’ Then it’s done. Now you have to deal with both the sulking off and the charger. Proportionate consequences clearly and quickly enacted. Don’t let your children get away with sulking off!

Understanding consequences is difficult for children because that part of the brain does not fully develop until late teens or early 20s. It requires the sophisticated ability to project yourself forward to a future time and then look back over the road you travelled to get you there.

That does not mean DD should get a free out of jail card. I would stop her pocket money for (say) a month and insist that she did some chores. If she does them with ill grace then extend the period.

Poor kid

I like this!

Does she do anything around the house @Bdayupset ?

She should be doing chores anyway presumably!

And surely she is old enough to understand the consequences - presumably she knows she has to behave in a certain way at school or there are consequences? I don’t doubt the mature brain thing but I think people don’t give children enough credit for understanding more then you think

I think you need to decide what your plan is if she breaks anything at home.
Would you make her pay for breaking crockery or the TV?

Are you thinking of making her pay because she understood 100% that she ought not to play by the car?

She also needs to learn from you that if she does something accidentally (and causes damage) even if she knows she was in the wrong, owning up is the right thing to do.

I also think that £5 a week for a 10 year old is too much pocket money.
If you give her that amount maybe consider tying it into being for payment for helping with chores. eg washing up/ stacking a dish washer, vacuuming her room or other rooms, changing her own bedding, etc.

You should make her contribute, probably with something like 4 weeks pocket money and a certain amount of chores. Expecting her to pay the whole thing would be unreasonable.

Are you joking? It was an accident. Poor kid.

At 10 you should know whether your child is in a field or on the drive. It's not micromanaging it is being aware where your child is.

From the OP “there is a field joined onto our driveway. Literally, 2 steps away”.

Not many parents monitor the location of a 10 year old to within 2 steps.

I would still want to know if my child was on my drive or in what is presumably a public field, just as I would want to know if they were on the drive in my garden or in the street which is also attached to my driveway and a couple of steps away.

OP, I’d point out the damage, say you know it was an accident but it will cost £118 to put right, and ask your DD what she suggests - should she lose pocket money, or do jobs round the house that represent an agreed amount? I certainly wouldn’t expect her to pay off the whole debt - she was careless rather than malicious - and I would also counsel against leaving children with no money, because it puts them in a difficult situation with their friends if they have money and your DD doesn’t. I have known children only slightly older than your DD who have stolen because they had no money. So in essence, I think some repayment is due, even if only a token amount or chores to cover it, but no point being too draconian or making DD’s life impossible.

But doesn’t sound like OP told her not to play football there at all, just that there’s a field which could have been chosen - if told not to play there because she might damage the cars/charger and did it anyway that’s a bit different.

But either way she’s 10 and it was an accident!

She's only 10 and it was an accident.

Do you have to explain everything your child shouldn’t do then?

I can't believe what I'm reading here. No wonder these kids don't understand right from wrong, when parents can't. She's 10. It was an accident ffs.

Accident or not, there are still consequences. Why do you think insurance exists? She did something stupid, she is more than old enough to know better and it has cost her parents a lot of money. Rather than apologise, she has copped an attitude. Its disgusting behaviour.

Obviously not but an accident even if thoughtless resulting in damage a 10 year old likely didn’t foresee is clearly not the same as deliberate disobedience leading to the outcome you’ve warned about and which 10 year old therefore understood

Yes she broke it, she replaces it. I'd not give her any pocket money until she'd paid it back.

23.5 weeks actually - not even half a year!

Could she play roblox indoors instead? Or could you be happy you have an active child and not punish her for it