Page 15 | AIBU for not giving my half siblings the same financial help?

EveryoneIsAsleep · 2026-05-28T10:48:06+00:00

I have 2 siblings and 2 half siblings who are my dads. I’m in a good financial situation, so 5 years ago, I gave one of my full siblings some money to help her buy a house and also for fertility treatment. I told my other full sibling that I would help her with money if and when she needed it. A few months ago she found a house she wanted to buy so I gave her the money. My dad knows I’ve done this as my siblings told him, and since giving the latest gift, he and my half siblings are asking if I’m going to gift my half siblings the same, as they both rent and one is also wanting fertility treatment. I get on ok with my half siblings but I don’t have the same relationship as I do with my other siblings. One of them has now stopped speaking to me and the other is piling on the pressure for me to gift them the same. They’re also trying to make me feel extra guilty for not at least paying for fertility treatment one of them who is struggling to conceive. My dad has said it’ll ‘change the family’ if I don’t treat my half siblings the same. He ignored my text asking him what he meant by that. He has now ignored my birthday. AIBU for not giving my half siblings the same as my full siblings? What would you do? I feel like I should be able to spend my money however I want to. I’m mostly annoyed at my dad as my relationship with him shouldn’t depend on what I give to his other children.

Canoodler · 01/06/2026 06:20

YANBU
Your partner is right, if your dad thinks his kids need money, he needs to downsize to free up some money for them. That's what nonselfish parents do.
As for ignoring your birthday, that is contemptible. What a disappointing man.

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 01/06/2026 07:15

Your partner is right that your dad could downsize or cash in some of his investments to help his children with house deposits and ivf. However he also could have done that for his first children too! Yet again, a strong woman from the family he abandoned has stepped up and ensured his dcs didn’t go without so he could keep hold of his own money.

You did the same as your mum, took on his job of providing for his dcs. obviously, you came to the same conclusion as your mum, he just wouldn’t do it so you did or they went without.

But those saying your dad could downsize to help his younger children, if he downsizes, all his children should get the same amount, so by not giving any money does mean he’s at least finally treating all his children the same, being equally selfish with them all,

nomas · 01/06/2026 09:00

LiveTheDream8998 · 29/05/2026 17:28

I was very much grown up with "you dont treat one without treating the other".

So this would be:

If you treat your children, they all get treated equally (in whichever way you feel that to be, money, items, time).

The rules are the same for everyone.

I've applied this to my children but also my nieces and nephews. My children are treated to the same amount for Christmas and Birthday. My neices and nephews the same amount as each other too.

And so when I read your post: if you treat one sibling - you treat them all the same.

But something that I think is important to highlight here. It is your money. It's up to you how you spend your money and what on.

I dont have "half siblings" and I don't know what your relationships are like with your family.

You need to do whatever you feel comfortable to do and also know that it isn't about the money. If someone doesn't value you or respect you for you: they aren't "equal" in the equation. You obviously have a great relationship with two of your siblings- what's making the other two less equal? If it's their own attitudes then you're completely with your right to re-evaluate. Do what is comfortable for you.

I think you should read all of OP’s posts. The answers to your questions are in there.

Rhaidimiddim · 01/06/2026 10:21

RedToothBrush · 29/05/2026 23:41

OP took on a financial role within the family that normally would have been forfilled by Dad.

This says it all. Dad wasn't there / didn't step up in this role.

So the first family bonded and operated in a way which didn't need him out of necessity.

Dad then comes along and says OP has been shit in not providing the Dad financial role to her younger siblings. Except this still isn't her role. It's his. And they are within a family unit which doesn't have this gap that needs filling. Dad is still there. There is no need for OP to step into Dad financial provider role - cos he's still there. Financially they haven't had to stick together with OP - because Dad is still there.

It wasn't the OPs job to fix. But she didn't because Dad wouldn't. Dad won't match the OPs generous gift to his other children. Because he doesn't see it as his job not responsibility.

But tbh is reality why would you expect anything different from a man who abandoned his three children and hide money from them to fund his lifestyle. Money has always been more important to him that the first children's well being and financial security.

The OP knows this and acted accordingly. Her half siblings probably don't have half a clue because they've not suffered financially.

This is a very clear and interesting take on the situation, an insightful explanation of the dynamic - and the Dad's mind-set - at play here.

LiveTheDream8998 · 01/06/2026 10:25

nomas · 01/06/2026 09:00

I think you should read all of OP’s posts. The answers to your questions are in there.

Edited

Show quote history

I have done. My question was posed as part of my response, not because I didn’t have evidence of what the answer might be 🙂

Rhaidimiddim · 01/06/2026 10:26

andnowwhatdowedo · 30/05/2026 06:55

How upsetting for everyone.
In hindsight, it was a mistake letting your dad and half siblings know about the money you gifted as it raised false expectations. But you didn't realise at the time.
In your position I would write a card to your half siblings explaining that you love them but don't feel the same sense of responsibility towards them as your full siblings so you won't be giving them the same financial help. And I would offer a gift of whatever feels right to you - I don't know the sums involved but say 5K each. If they accept then give it to them making it clear that there won't be more.

Rubbish advice.

They don't want a card, they want OP to open her wallet to them. And now feel entitled to her money and bitter they haven't got it. "I'll give you a bit of money, but not as much as I've given my full siblings" is the worst of both worlds; the half-siblings will still be pissed off, and the OP will be on the hook for future requests for money.

The card will go in the bin, or get brought out at family get-togethers to be mused over and mocked.

nomas · 01/06/2026 10:53

LiveTheDream8998 · 01/06/2026 10:25

I have done. My question was posed as part of my response, not because I didn’t have evidence of what the answer might be 🙂

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But the answer to your question ‘You obviously have a great relationship with two of your siblings- what's making the other two less equal?’ is right there in OP’s posts.

andnowwhatdowedo · 01/06/2026 10:58

Rhaidimiddim · 01/06/2026 10:26

Rubbish advice.

They don't want a card, they want OP to open her wallet to them. And now feel entitled to her money and bitter they haven't got it. "I'll give you a bit of money, but not as much as I've given my full siblings" is the worst of both worlds; the half-siblings will still be pissed off, and the OP will be on the hook for future requests for money.

The card will go in the bin, or get brought out at family get-togethers to be mused over and mocked.

Show quote history

'Rubbish advice?' Charming.

Seriously12 · 01/06/2026 11:01

The father apologising my arse.
It is so easy to apologise.

OP, your father is low life scum.
Don't make the mistake of falling for his bullshit.

He always was scum and he still is.

Only the very lowest of the low did what he did.

He's still a complete loser, presuming his child that he abandoned should provide for his second family that weren't abandoned.

Find your anger.
He's utter scum.

JHound · 01/06/2026 11:26

Octavia64 · 28/05/2026 16:01

My dc have half siblings.

they have barely met them.

me and my ExH got divorced when they were at uni and then he started a second family,

ExH barely sees them and certainly is much more interested in his new family.

their half sibs are now 1 and 2 respectively and I think my dc have seen them three times?

half sib can be very close or almost non existent.

sounds like in your case it’s almost non existent (also your dad sounds like a fool)

I never get the way men do this. Throw aside their children for a new family.

JHound · 01/06/2026 11:33

I am always amazed at parents who create multiple families and then want people to fall in life with what they created. Just because he sees his children equally doesn’t mean the children have to share that view.

Also I do think there is a huge difference in half siblings raised together vs. apart. I am closer to my full siblings than my half because we were raised in the same house. Yet I am sure if my mom had kids with another man and raised us together I would likely see them the same as any other sibling.

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 01/06/2026 12:04

RedToothBrush · 29/05/2026 23:41

OP took on a financial role within the family that normally would have been forfilled by Dad.

This says it all. Dad wasn't there / didn't step up in this role.

So the first family bonded and operated in a way which didn't need him out of necessity.

Dad then comes along and says OP has been shit in not providing the Dad financial role to her younger siblings. Except this still isn't her role. It's his. And they are within a family unit which doesn't have this gap that needs filling. Dad is still there. There is no need for OP to step into Dad financial provider role - cos he's still there. Financially they haven't had to stick together with OP - because Dad is still there.

It wasn't the OPs job to fix. But she didn't because Dad wouldn't. Dad won't match the OPs generous gift to his other children. Because he doesn't see it as his job not responsibility.

But tbh is reality why would you expect anything different from a man who abandoned his three children and hide money from them to fund his lifestyle. Money has always been more important to him that the first children's well being and financial security.

The OP knows this and acted accordingly. Her half siblings probably don't have half a clue because they've not suffered financially.

This is basically it.

OP it was not your job to provide for any of your siblings, but you did it for your full siblings because as a unit you are used to being let down by your dad and the strong women having to fill that void. Your half siblings haven’t lived that reality. And they might not actually know the background in how differently he’s treated his dcs by different women.

agggtm · 01/06/2026 12:12

I would message your dad and half sibs and say.

i have given both Dsis some money at different times when I recognised it would help them. Neither asked, I offered and tbh if they had demanded money from me I would have said no. I have never said I wouldn’t help you if I chose to but I’m disappointed at your expectation. I hope that ends this conversation.

Then step back and think do you want to help them if your not being guilted into it, if not that’s fine it’s your choice.

Jamesblonde2 · 01/06/2026 13:29

JHound · 01/06/2026 11:33

I am always amazed at parents who create multiple families and then want people to fall in life with what they created. Just because he sees his children equally doesn’t mean the children have to share that view.

Also I do think there is a huge difference in half siblings raised together vs. apart. I am closer to my full siblings than my half because we were raised in the same house. Yet I am sure if my mom had kids with another man and raised us together I would likely see them the same as any other sibling.

This.

It’s how the child sees the relationship. Not how the parents want it to be, once it has been foisted on them. No say in it at all.