AIBU for not giving my half siblings the same financial help?

[EveryoneIsAsleep]

I have 2 siblings and 2 half siblings who are my dads.

I’m in a good financial situation, so 5 years ago, I gave one of my full siblings some money to help her buy a house and also for fertility treatment. I told my other full sibling that I would help her with money if and when she needed it. A few months ago she found a house she wanted to buy so I gave her the money.

My dad knows I’ve done this as my siblings told him, and since giving the latest gift, he and my half siblings are asking if I’m going to gift my half siblings the same, as they both rent and one is also wanting fertility treatment.

I get on ok with my half siblings but I don’t have the same relationship as I do with my other siblings. One of them has now stopped speaking to me and the other is piling on the pressure for me to gift them the same. They’re also trying to make me feel extra guilty for not at least paying for fertility treatment one of them who is struggling to conceive.

My dad has said it’ll ‘change the family’ if I don’t treat my half siblings the same. He ignored my text asking him what he meant by that. He has now ignored my birthday.

AIBU for not giving my half siblings the same as my full siblings?

What would you do? I feel like I should be able to spend my money however I want to. I’m mostly annoyed at my dad as my relationship with him shouldn’t depend on what I give to his other children.

Your dad and half siblings sound like a bunch of users! Imagine blackmailing someone to give you money under the threat of not having a relationship with them if they don't.

My step children have a half sibling they are much wealthier than. It isn't their job to subsidise their half sibling or bridge the disparity between them.

It's perfectly normal that you wouldn't be as close to a half sibling too.

It depends a bit on how many millions you have kicking around -if you have loads I’d give the cost of one round of fertility treatment to both half siblings and say that’s the lot.

Did you say you bought your sibling a house?

I have half siblings
Wouldn't occur for me to make them and my full siblings equal.
From my dad's point of view obviously we are all his kids.
Anyway if I was a millionaire then sure I'd offer them help if they needed it but never would I make them the same as my mum's kids.
Sorry but even my little sister who's 13 years younger than me, I'm still closer to, as shes1 my mum's daughter.
So my love for her comes from 3 places, she's my sister, my mum's daughter and my dad's daughter,
Wheears my half sister who I didn't even grow up with, we are not as close.
Simple

That's a him problem.

I don't understand why you told your dad or half siblings as from their perspective I can see why this caused resentment. I suppose the question is is the money worth more than your relationship with them and potentially your dad? I'm not saying you are wrong not to give them the money but they think you are.

It’s your money, you don’t owe them a penny.

I’d stop the presents for dad and half siblings from on as they’re being childish.

OP has already explained that her full siblings told their dad about the gifts.

There is a line and always has been. I saw them every other weekend for a while and then less than that as I moved away for university and they were still young children. My mum worked hard to help me at uni, and visited me with my siblings. My dad only visited me once at uni so he didn’t exactly try to facilitate a relationship with my half siblings. I was the one who made an effort to visit them in uni holidays but I obviously wanted to see my mum and full siblings too.

Why doesnt your Dad give them the money... no wait. He doesnt have it! I love people who think their role is life is to dicate how you spend your money!

Does your dad have any money? Odds are he'll be evening things up by giving you and your full siblings less of any future gifts or help

I think you should have kept it quiet if you weren’t prepared to give them all the same.

I know it’s your money but they were obviously going to feel upset about the difference which just highlights how you value their relationship to you verses the others.

Your dad and half siblings are entitled cf's!

I think parents have a moral obligation to treat all of their children fairly.

There is no such moral obligation on siblings, and even if you were all full siblings, I don't think you would be under any obligation to provide the same financial support to all.

Other people's misplaced sense of entitlement does not create any obligation on you whatsoever.

No I didn’t buy them a house. I have given them both money towards a house.

Your money, your choice!

However, if you wanted to gift the money without drama, you would have been more discreet. You didn’t. So now there’s drama. You are unreasonable to expect otherwise. Naive at best and I doubt you are.

My dad has a very big house and ‘investments’ apparently. My partner actually said maybe he should sell his house and share the money with his kids if he feels so strongly about it. With him it’s always ‘I would if I could but my money is all tied up’, yet he thinks I should be paying for his children. I feel so angry about it all but obviously if he won’t pick up the phone or answer messages, I can’t even discuss it with him. He isn’t the most easy man.

She was discreet. It was her sibling that wasn’t, but then she probably wasn’t expecting their father to use the information as he did.

It really isn't up to your dad to tell you what to do with your own money, surely he could help them himself?

Are you a multimillionaire lottery winner or something like that?

If it’s small fry to you, I’d probably treat them equally (then maybe give extra to your actual siblings but tell them they are to be more discreet!).

If it’s from your hard earned salary then it’s really not their place to ask.

Edit: your dad’s right though, it will highlight the divide between his children. But he created that divide in the first place

So now he wants his other kids to benefit from your mom's and your hard work when he couldn't be bothered to have a close relationship with you. He's an opportunistic user and so are your half siblings.

Let them do whatever they please. I wouldn't give them money and I'd tell "dad" to go take a long walk off a short pier.

Why doesn’t your Dad even it up then?

I cannot believe he forgot / ignored your birthday as “punishment”.

Absolute hard NO to any funding for manipulative cheeky behaviour.

Let him, and them, sulk. If he wants his children to have money then he can be the one to provide it.

They are the ones that have changed the relationships you have with them, with their unreasonable, and entitled, expectations. Don’t be emotionally blackmailed into essentially purchasing a positive relationship with them.

I didn’t tell anyone. My sibling told our dad years ago and he was happy as she could be settled and have help with having a baby. When my other sibling told our dad, expecting the same reaction, he has kicked up a fuss.

I think children should be able to tell their parents things that are going on in their lives without them being like this. He chose to have 2 sets of children after all, and when you do that, they may have different things thrown at them in life.

Your money your choice. I wouldn’t give money to people who expected it rather than being offered it like your full siblings.

Id tell them you were going to but then they started asking and that ruined it so its their own doing :)

Your dad is being completely unreasonable. He ignored your birthday? What a twat.

It’s your money of course you can do what you like with it.