AIBU for not giving my half siblings the same financial help?

[EveryoneIsAsleep]

I have 2 siblings and 2 half siblings who are my dads.

I’m in a good financial situation, so 5 years ago, I gave one of my full siblings some money to help her buy a house and also for fertility treatment. I told my other full sibling that I would help her with money if and when she needed it. A few months ago she found a house she wanted to buy so I gave her the money.

My dad knows I’ve done this as my siblings told him, and since giving the latest gift, he and my half siblings are asking if I’m going to gift my half siblings the same, as they both rent and one is also wanting fertility treatment.

I get on ok with my half siblings but I don’t have the same relationship as I do with my other siblings. One of them has now stopped speaking to me and the other is piling on the pressure for me to gift them the same. They’re also trying to make me feel extra guilty for not at least paying for fertility treatment one of them who is struggling to conceive.

My dad has said it’ll ‘change the family’ if I don’t treat my half siblings the same. He ignored my text asking him what he meant by that. He has now ignored my birthday.

AIBU for not giving my half siblings the same as my full siblings?

What would you do? I feel like I should be able to spend my money however I want to. I’m mostly annoyed at my dad as my relationship with him shouldn’t depend on what I give to his other children.

Don't give them or your dad a penny!!!

Your dad and your half siblings should be embarrassed by their deeply unpleasant, grabby behaviour. Ignore the tantrums. You’ve done nothing wrong.

The only thing worth changing in future is keeping anything to do with money completely private.

Yeah, I started reading your post thinking you could have handled things better - then got to the part where the younger two are hounding you for money and your dad's emotionally blackmailing you!

For that alone, they deserve to get a big fat nothing. Appalling behaviour, making it clear they don't care how much they hurt you as long as they get their hands on your cash.

I'm sorry, this must be upsetting for you.

he must have hid money as he didn’t have to pay much in maintenance, pleaded poverty, yet he always had a very good lifestyle and was very successful. His other 2 kids got everything whilst he hardly paid anything for us and my mum worked 2 jobs as we got older to support us.

Why would you care what this creature thinks you should do with your money? He's completely immoral.

Your dad is the one who has behaved badly (for decades!) not you. If you have spare money, treat your lovely mum.

The fact they are being shitty towards you tells me you did the right thing. Your money, your choice.

To them and their dad tho, it's all about the money. They're measuring their relationship on what they can get from the OP. The OP has already said she helps them out in other sisterly ways as well as nice gifts.

Anyone with an ounce of sense would realise that half siblings are different. I bet they wouldn't give the OP money and I bet all of the fathers estate will go to the 2nd family's children, esp if the dad dies first.

WELL.
Knowing that my message would be : You can support your younger children dad, you’re pretty financially comfortable, spend the money you hid from cms so you didn’t have to pay maintenance for your older children, after all Jane and Bob are the children you gave everything to while we struggled and mum worked two jobs to keep us afloat. Ignoring my birthday is pathetic and I thought you’d gotten past the periods where you were a crap dad and didn’t see us and didn’t support us. My siblings and mum are my world because of those years.

@ 99, great message.

I've read all your posts, OP. Under the circs - two very separate families - I am not surprised that you want to help your full siblings more than your half ones. I'm surprised that your half-siblings would expect the same, given that there are two very obviously separate factions.

Whether you want to even things up depends on how much money you have and how much of a relationship you want with your half-siblings for the rest of your life.

Whether you want to even things up depends on how much money you have and how much of a relationship you want with your half-siblings for the rest of your life.

Would you want a relationship that you have to pay money for in order to have?!

Hell no don’t give money to half siblings. It wasn’t your choice DP got divorced or that DD had a new family. You may not even keep in touch with them after your DD dies. They all sound very grasping. Your siblings are with you for life.

can none of them fund their own homes or treatments? It would never occur to me to ask my sibling for financial help? I have a very wealthy sibling in law and we never ask for anything. I think the half siblings are greedy, if they want family help they should ask their mum and dad first. You do with your money what your want and maybe your siblings need to be more discreet too.

Why should the half siblings expect OP to fund their deposits? How entitled is that!! Do they care about the relationship or Op’s money?

'It should really have been their father who helped them out but you were always a deadbeat dad to the three of us so I had to step up to the job.'

You don't need to give money to anyone, but you have been quite naive not to expect this outcome. Money and family is always super fraught. It's a shame everyone didn't stay quiet.

I’ve read all your posts. I wouldn’t give them anything.
Their dad can step up and put his hands in his pockets.
Well done for helping your siblings.

The way your dad & half siblings are behaving says it all! You are right not to want to give them a penny (nor are you obliged to). They see you as the cash cow.

Took just have to apologise and say you can’t afford to give any more help to anyone. House deposits and fertility treatment are serious amounts of money. They can’t just be rustled up without consequence.

You can do what you want with your money. No one can demand anything from you.

Although I suspect you think less of the siblings you refer to as “half siblings”. I always think that’s an awful term.

I’m not surprised your dad thinks it will “change the family”. As all his kids are equal to him in his eyes.

You’ll just have to accept ‘it is what it is’ and that your “full” siblings are blabber mouths.

Sounds like your dad has a lot of money. He should be paying for the half sibling’s IVF.

Your dad and half siblings sound like a load of cash grabbers. I would say you’ve had a major financial setback and you have made agreements with the 2 siblings you gave money to, to pay it back to you on a monthly basis. Obviously don’t make them pay it back, just lie.

if you don’t smooth this over somehow, he might cut you out of his will. So I’d lie to smooth it over. I didn’t tell lies back in the day, but nearly 5 decades of life has taught me that lying is a useful tool/skill. The best lies are close to the truth. Have you any house issues that you can say cost a shit load? Major leak/roof shit

I think you should have kept quiet and insisted your siblings keep quiet too about your donations.

Advertising it has created problems.

Why did you want people to know?

She didn’t advertise it. Her sibling told their father, not OP.

They are her “half siblings” they share one parent, that is the recognised term in the English language.

Given the background Is say the OP has a fairly good relationship with them.

The “change in the family” is the father’s fault for treating his daughter more like a wife who has a duty to provide for “their children”.

Her two sisters only crime is trusting their dad , the dad who apparently feels “guilty” for abandoning them.

Even if he didn’t hide assets so he didn’t have to fully support his first family (which is a really awful thing to do), disappearing for 2 years and popping up with a kid on the way is awful. His youngest child is as 7 when he did that.

If you don’t or can’t support your existing 3 kids, it’s highly immoral to produce another 2.

And now daddy dearest can’t/wont support his second 2 because his money is tied up in investments! But luckily the Op is an ATM so he can disclose to HIS other childen that she has given her siblings money so they can expect same. If not he’ll ignore her birthday. So much for feeling guilty!!

Money & families - nightmare!

I think your dad needs to get himself a big wooden spoon. It's nothing to do with him. Maybe he's showing his true colours and doesn't like women who don't do as he says - does that ring any bells?

I can understand your siblings telling your dad, they probably didn't think it would be an issue - he just made it one.

If you wanted everyone to know your business you would have told them all in the ?family whatsapp group 😂 otherwise your business isn't theirs. Do you ever need your half-siblings' help with anything - do you ask, do they offer?

You obviously can't give in to them, it's like blackmail and once you give in to that you're doomed. It's not as if you've given your siblings money to spite anyone, you obviously have a big heart and look what they're doing to it. I'm sure if either one of your half-siblings were desperate for help you'd have offered it but in all honesty they should go to your dad first.