To not let DH go to this woman’s house?

[Fellohesh]

A couple of months ago, we went out with some friends who all met up at our house before leaving together to go to town. Before they arrived, DH put his jacket on but I didn’t think it matched the outfit and I also just didn’t think it was very nice in general. I told him so but he said he likes it so he’s wearing it.

When everyone arrived, one of the women said “what’s going on with your outfit?” to DH, and he asked why she didn’t like it. She said something about the jacket and DH disappeared upstairs and came down wearing a new one and said “is that better?”. I felt hurt at the time that he didn’t value my opinion but cared about what she thought of him. The next day I asked if he fancied her, to which he replied “she’s attractive” I said if we weren’t together would he ask her out and he said maybe (the convo was longer of course but I’m trying to keep this short and give the gist).

He came home from work yesterday saying this same woman is training to be a hairdresser and has offered to cut his hair for free while she practices. He has thick wavy hair and gets a scissor cut so it’s not just a simple trim with the clippers. However, she doesn’t have a salon or anything as she isn’t qualified so it would be at her house. AIBU to say no to this?

I totally respect your perspective. Our perspectives are. perhaps different.

I interpret 'Fighting for it' as being very much last straw and desperate, and 'working on it' trying to find a way through difficulties when both parties wish to do so.

Infidelity, yup, it's awful. Can it be resolved? I don't know. Some people find a way if the infidel is contrite and reflective, and they truly have love and respect for one another. My experience was abuse, and having my children run away and hiding when their father got home or started threatening me. There's no way back from that.

People are focusing too much on the language here. Instead of questionable behaviour on the other person's part. 😏

I tell my husband things all the time that he basically dismisses. “Wearing Velcro strapped trainers makes you look like a pensioner or disabled.” “Your hair is down past your collar, maybe you need a haircut.” I say these types of things ONCE. He’ll tell me that he likes everything the way it is. Let’s say we go to our best friends’ house for a meal. Let the wife or husband remark on his shoes or hair and he’ll say, “You think so? Okay, I’ll take care of it.” And I want to smack him. When I say, “I told you the exact same thing yesterday and you blew me off!” He just shrugs. It’s maddening.
But I wouldn’t be threatened by him acting on someone else’s critique about his clothes. I suspect he was truthful about finding the woman attractive. And he’s obviously aware that bothered you. He ASKED you about having her cut his hair. And he didn’t do it. I don’t know what else you want. He’s entitled to have friends. Even female friends. If you discover any substantive reason to be suspicious, pursue it. But all you’ve got right now is your own insecurity.

Why is there such absolutism here?

A lot of the time a man doesn't cheat as he has no other options.
Most men are mediocre, they don't take care of themselves, no character, they've never tested themselves, they never were particularly attractive or, if they were, they didn't maintain it.

I saw a group of military guys dressed in their uniforms while out and about.
They were just , attractive, half of them were objectively ordinary looking, too.

If these guys didn't cheat, it would actually be out of choice.

Another area of absolutism is cheating itself.
Infidelity=awful person who is an absolutely terrible who'll 'shag anything' that moves, must be divorced, children must undergo separation of its parents.

No subtlety, no shades of grey (going to resist the obvious joke here).
No appreciation that situations can make otherwise faithful men cheat.

But that’s your best friend commenting, someone you’ve known for years and also you’re in their house. Not someone who is more of an acquaintance, someone who works in a pub and happens to be a sister of friends. It was actually quite rude of her to comment. Maybe he was embarrassed by this, hence changing the jacket, but there was no acknowledgement his wife had said the same thing, plus he later admitted he found her attractive.

Have you cheated in the past?

No. I have not.
I'm female anyway so if I did cheat it would probably mean I'd lost all respect and attraction for my dh if I did so I'd hope I'd just have the sense to leave before getting g embroiled with someone else.

Hope you’re doing okay OP 🩷

I do think It’s a bit odd to have met her at his mates house while working then ended up adding her on instagram? Or did she add him? weird both ways! X

Go with him so you can advise what style he should get. If he goes without you she could talk him into a haircut he doesn't usually get. He seems to appreciate her fashion advice more than yours so I'd be tagging along to be on the safe side.

Yes, I have to say I personally know people who tend to find the challenge of a married person works on them like catnip.

It’s getting what he doesn’t usually get that might be worrying the OP!

And what sort of haircut did you have in mind @Gossipisgood ?!

A Mullett or a shave to the wood skinhead.