To not let DH go to this woman’s house?

[Fellohesh]

A couple of months ago, we went out with some friends who all met up at our house before leaving together to go to town. Before they arrived, DH put his jacket on but I didn’t think it matched the outfit and I also just didn’t think it was very nice in general. I told him so but he said he likes it so he’s wearing it.

When everyone arrived, one of the women said “what’s going on with your outfit?” to DH, and he asked why she didn’t like it. She said something about the jacket and DH disappeared upstairs and came down wearing a new one and said “is that better?”. I felt hurt at the time that he didn’t value my opinion but cared about what she thought of him. The next day I asked if he fancied her, to which he replied “she’s attractive” I said if we weren’t together would he ask her out and he said maybe (the convo was longer of course but I’m trying to keep this short and give the gist).

He came home from work yesterday saying this same woman is training to be a hairdresser and has offered to cut his hair for free while she practices. He has thick wavy hair and gets a scissor cut so it’s not just a simple trim with the clippers. However, she doesn’t have a salon or anything as she isn’t qualified so it would be at her house. AIBU to say no to this?

Precisely this.

I would have asked him if he would be happy for you to go to a single man’s house because he’s practicing to be a hairdresser, when you’ve previously said that he is objectively attractive and would date if you were single, then of course he should go…
If after you spelling that out to him he thought is was still a good idea then I’d tell him to go ahead.
You did ask him some questions that you were a bit naive to ask, obviously we all hope our OH would answer
“of course I don’t think she is very attractive and I obviously I’m not single so would never consider dating someone else”
Because that shows some level of tact and care of your feelings, however you shouldn’t ask questions you may not like the answers to.
The dashing off to change when she had mentioned the jacket would have had me eye rolling and I would have called it out then
“Thank you trainee hairdresser for agreeing with me and telling him the jacket was awful, I had already mentioned it but now we’ve both said it obviously as usual I’m right”
At the end of the day you either trust him or you don’t, stopping him going to hers isn’t going to stop him cheating, and her tastes may not run to men who make questionable fashion choices anyway.

She might not have a salon, but there’s nothing stopping you suggesting that she does it at 'your' home instead. Tell her you’d like to see how good she is, as you might use her too.

Why on earth would a married person be more attractive than a single person?

People are most attractive when they are single. Once they're married, they become a lot less attractive.

She said it already. A married man is married therefore another woman thought he was viable as a mate.

I would let him go but only if he wears that God awful outfit with the cowboy boots… she won’t touch him with a barge pole 🙈😂😂

As I just explained, single people are found more attractive because they are available. I'm not aware of anyone who finds married people attractive - the fact that someone is married means they are unavailable, which makes them a lot less attractive.

Gosh that’s the most naive thing I’ve ever read on here.

Oh you're so wrong, if they're married sometimes it's the thrill of the chase, the forbidden fruit, the "I'm so alluring I can tempt him away from his wife" attitude, this is interesting...
Understanding the Appeal of Married Men to Women - Lovethentic

Hell, no. I think he’s overstepped the mark telling you he would date her!

Huh?

How sick that some people think like this but yes obviously some do. It’s a nasty attitude. But also, who wants to get all tangled up in that shit? Affair partners usually get a rough deal. They aren’t chosen and wasted their time.

Yes it's disgraceful but it happens unfortunately

I think you would be playing with fire to agree to it, especially given that he ‘finds her attractive’ and there is clearly chemistry between them (in short, yes he fancies her), and cutting hair is quite a tactile and personal thing. Having someone you fancy run their hands through your hair for an extended time could be quite an erotic experience. And at her house? Alone? Absolutely no way!

Many affair partners don’t want to be ‘chosen’ - a lot of affairs are for a bit of fun

Agreed

Most women end up wanting more than that though.

HA! Insecure or just clued-up with reality?

I feel like your husband has put you in a tough position and i would find it disrespectful he has even asked when he knows he’s told
you he thinks she is attractive so why would he even be wanting to entertain it. I would be annoyed he’s asked you and put it on you to say no, which makes you look and feel controlling when he is a grown man he knows it isn’t appropriate yet he still asked anyway I’d be really disappointed if my husband couldn’t take a step back and think how would this make my wife feel if the shoes was on the other foot i wouldn’t even be asking my husband I’d be politely declining

Someone being married might make them less attractive to you. That doesn't apply to everyone.

Don't forget, there's a built-in safety issue when dating, for women, because you're dating someone who's usually bigger, taller, stronger, and more aggressive than you. If another woman has OK'd him, that's a big reassurance. Please note that all of this is likely subconscious. Us women don't go around thinking "These people - men - are bigger than me. I know, I'll get me one that's pre-approved." I think these subconscious thought processes account for a great extent to a MM having some appeal.

I totally agree. He should have simply declined.

This. If anyone told me "I'm not allowing you" I'd go to spite them to be honest.

OP, trust your gut and nip this in the bud. YANBU

The fact he said he finds her attractive will make you feel uneasy even though we as women & men we do find other people attractive of course.
To admit it.. that would bother me as she maybe in you're company in the future .. if you have a gut feeling its telling you you are feeling threatened by the behaviour... he needs to give you reassurance that there's no temptation.
Relationships are so hard x