To not let DH go to this woman’s house?

[Fellohesh]

A couple of months ago, we went out with some friends who all met up at our house before leaving together to go to town. Before they arrived, DH put his jacket on but I didn’t think it matched the outfit and I also just didn’t think it was very nice in general. I told him so but he said he likes it so he’s wearing it.

When everyone arrived, one of the women said “what’s going on with your outfit?” to DH, and he asked why she didn’t like it. She said something about the jacket and DH disappeared upstairs and came down wearing a new one and said “is that better?”. I felt hurt at the time that he didn’t value my opinion but cared about what she thought of him. The next day I asked if he fancied her, to which he replied “she’s attractive” I said if we weren’t together would he ask her out and he said maybe (the convo was longer of course but I’m trying to keep this short and give the gist).

He came home from work yesterday saying this same woman is training to be a hairdresser and has offered to cut his hair for free while she practices. He has thick wavy hair and gets a scissor cut so it’s not just a simple trim with the clippers. However, she doesn’t have a salon or anything as she isn’t qualified so it would be at her house. AIBU to say no to this?

What the actual eff?

Hell to the no would I be okay with this, after what he admitted. Ask him if the boot was on the other foot, would he be happy.

No I wouldn’t like it or allow it. The jealousy would make me crazy

In what context did she offer? Does she have his number? Have they kept in touch? Did he know her before she came to your house?

Seems rather bold to give someone fashion advice in front of his wife!

Yeah weird that she'd make a comment like that to him, seems overly familiar

YABU for use of the term "not let him". He's a grown man and that's controlling language.

YANBU to not want him to go and to have a discussion about it.

Absolutely not. Yanbu.

"What a great idea! I'll come along too and me and her can have a good chat while she's doing your hair!"

See how he reacts to that.

I mean the jacket thing would piss be off also, but I probably wouldn't have waded in on what another adult is choosing to wear in the first place, unless it was wildly inappropriate.

Him telling you she was attractive is a bit off, but so is you grilling him about a random woman if the jacket comment was in isolation with no other reason for concern.

Equally the haircut seams fine, if there has literally been no other issues. However, it doesn't really sound like he was asking your permission, maybe you need to evaluate your relationship dynamic aside from the jacket/haircut situation, as it sounds a bit off, from both sides..

No - too weird and he should spot that himself.

Excellent idea. It will be interesting to see what excuse he comes up with why you shouldn't.

Perfect!

Omg yes

He has known her for a short while but not very well. She worked behind the bar of one of the pubs he goes to sometimes, but she was only there for a few months. She is the sister of his friends wife so that’s why she came along that day, as her sister invited her. It was the first time I met her.

She messaged him on instagram saying she wondered if he would mind her practicing on him as the only male hair cuts she has done have been with clippers and she would like the experience. But I don’t like it and have a weird feeling

You don't get to give your DH permission for anything. He is an actual adult and can make his own decisions.

It also sounds from your summary that your conversation with him about her was ... potentially sub-optimal.

However, you can say "you going to this woman's house makes me feel X, and makes me think Y about how you see our relationship and that really worries me." The conversation you have about it will tell you everything you need to know about your relationship.

Or, depending on how that conversation goes and/or how things are generally, you could say "careful mate: this is dangerous territory and you may want to consider how this will impact on our marriage" (but only say that if it is actually a hard line for you and you would be willing to live up to that.)

He’s an adult. He doesn’t need your permission to go anywhere, just as you don’t need his.

Sorry I should have clarified. He asked me if it was okay, which is why I’m saying “let him” he came home and showed me the message and said “would you be ok with that?” And I said no. But now I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable

Op if he has asked you I think that’s a good thing and shows he understands boundaries. If you said no and he is ok with that I can’t see the problem.

Absolutely not, cutting hair is quite an intimate thing. She can come to yours, when you're home, if she needs to practice. If you need to tell him that, or "not let him go" something is not right. He should know it's not ok, and she is being a bit of a snake asking him.
Her making a comment about his outfit and him rushing to change it was out of order too.

Yeah don't give him permission to cheat. He knows it's not ok.

He isn’t a caged animal, if he loves you he won’t do anything if he doesn’t then good riddance, stopping people doing things doesn’t last forever.

Well he asked if you would be OK with it, not if he can go. You're not OK with it, that's the truth, it's up to him now what he does with that information

He hasn't exactly done anything wrong here has he?

He changed his jacket presumably because two people had now taken the piss out of it. It's not that he doesn't value your opinion but does hers, it's that having had two people tell him it looks daft in short order he'll have thought "I'm going to get this all night"

And then he answered you honestly when you asked him some stupid questions. He's not said he fancies her or wants to go out with her, he's said that she's an attractive woman who he might go out with if you didn't exist.

And then he's taken up an offer of a free haircut.

Unless there's something missing from your post OP, your jealousy seems to be the problem here, rather than anything to do with your husband

Very naive. He's not willing to turn her down himself, he'll just say "OP wouldn't let me." He knows full well it's not ok.

I wouldn't but - he has told you, he could easily avoid telling you and leave you presuming it was at a barber.

Who in their right mind would willingly let someone unqualified in hairdressing use them as a 'guinea pig' to practice their lack of haircutting skills on?

People tend to go to salons or hair academies on training nights, where the person training to be a hairdresser would be supervised throughout whilst they're cutting hair. If your DH is willing to let this woman loose on his hair with no supervision, then you should ask yourself why he's so keen to do it.