To get wound up by random men making stupid, rude comments when I’m visibly struggling in public?

[shutityouduffer]

This gets me so fuming. Name changed.

Today I have no car with me. I have to collect something from the post office as it’s needed for a family holiday, we’re setting off early tomorrow. For reference it’s a tabletop barbecue. It said on the John Lewis website it was 12kg and I thought I’d be ok to pick it up myself.

I get the parcel and it’s massive, i cant get my arms around it, and turns out the gross weight of the package is over 20kg. iThe post office is only a 10-min walk from mine, so I pick it up and attempt to carry it, awkwardly and in 25 degree weather.

Now this bbq has “SHARKNINJA” written on the side of the box. A man walks past, can see I’m struggling. He chooses to say, very loudly at me, “SHARK NINJA.” I say yes, trying to move past him. He then turns to his mate and says “I should’ve kicked it.” Wtf???? it doesn’t even make sense - what goes through this man’s head?

Another incident last week - I’m walking my golden retriever, he’s a puppy not yet neutered, but dogs on both sides of the road take exception to him and start barking at him (happens a lot with unneutered males) so I whisk him out into the road to avoid both sets of dogs. No traffic. He’s a softy and he paws at me, because he’s stressed (he wants to be picked up for reference). Man on the pavement shouts, again with a mate, “are you sure you can handle that dog?” As I’m trying to get him safely back onto the pavement. Again what is the point??? I don’t even acknowledge it and then his mate shouts after me, “he was only joking!”

AIBU to be sent into a rage by these stupid comments? I should say a couple of (different) men offered to help with the package and were very kind, so I have no general vendetta against men. But it’s never women making unasked for, unhelpful and rude comments when I’m already visibly stressed out…

street harassment based on sex is now illegal

“The Protection from Sex-based Harassment in Public Act 2023 creates a specific criminal offence in England and Wales for intentionally causing harassment, alarm, or distress to a person in public because of their sex or presumed sex. It applies to verbal abuse, stalking, and offensive gestures”

www.gov.uk/government/news/cracking-down-on-sex-based-harassment-in-public

www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2023/47

While not everything described in this thread would be covered by this law, some of it certainly is.

It’s an interesting law. It is being used. It would have covered some of the conduct I experience as a woman. Generally when I was younger you were just supposed to put up with it.

www.lbc.co.uk/article/passenger-convicted-first-sex-based-harassment-highbury-5HjdYpr_2/

I came here to say this.

That’s good to read about the first prosecution. I’ll be really interested to hear what the sentencing will be. I hope the court sends the right message.

it must have been so scary for that woman

They are just so pathetic - I pity their families, who must have to put up with this nonsense non-stop!

Reminds me of the gardeners we had over to sort things last summer - they asked if we could move our car and then made a massive fuss over me doing it (literally called all the other men over to congratulate me for being able to drive a manual car, went on about how my dad must be proud as he must have taught me).

They were foreign, and I think they genuinely meant it as a compliment but it was so bloody patronising! Felt like telling them that actually my dad has never set foot in a car with me and I had a female driving instructor.

After years of having to constantly make cups of tea etc. for tradesmen (plus the little plates of biscuits, glasses of juice every hour) and being thorough talked down-to, dismissed and told I don't know what I want, I now just get my husband to sort it. He's the stay-at-home parent anyway (I'm WFH). Funnily, he rarely gets asked for anything and they usually refuse a cuppa if he offers...

Oh God, sorry. Were they Polish by any chance? Still v sexist over there 🙄 (I have family there). Even the Polish women are sexist and say that English wives are deemed lazy because over there the vast majority of women still do all the cooking, cleaning etc.....its like they compete with each other as to who makes the best food etc or has the cleanest house 🙈.....it must be bloody exhausting!...AND they work outside the house aswell. My poor cousin is run ragged (she's a primary school headmistress AND a homemaker). They're all Stepford wives alongside having careers.....knackering! (Way too much of keeping up with the Jones's). Much prefer our less judgy, live and let live attitude here in the UK!

Immensely true I'd imagine 💚

You can call it abuse all you like, but when attacks of insults, and attacks of screaming, and attacks of beating are being lumped together under the heading of "abuse," you do women a disservice.

That seems like a very dangerous slippery slope.

It would be interesting to see a man carefully explaining that his insult was, in fact, gender-neutral.

This whole thing has strayed very far from the original details, where you'd be hard-pressed to prove that “Are you sure you can handle that dog?” qualifies as "abuse."

I do think the "cheer up love" thing is very much of its time though. I certainly haven't heard it for a few decades and only from older men back then. I've never heard my age group or younger saying anything like this.

Not really. There's verbal abuse, verbal and emotional abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse.

It's all abuse though - verbal abuse, domestic violence etc etc

Yes, and unless someone specifies, I'm not sure it's worth getting overwrought.

I worked for a short time for people who unquestionably were verbally abusive. But it never occurred to me to call them that, or to expect pity. I just said they were difficult, annoying people.

Well, that's nice. Many DV experts believe it is the psychological abuse that victims endure - which is verbal and emotional abuse - that causes the most lingering harm.

Dismissing and minimising women's experience as you have been doing on this thread is quite a choice.

Cheer up love, you're making the rest of us miserable

Absolutely. My ex was verbally abusive (never physically although he did wall me up and scream in my face a few times!)....but the constant undermining, ignoring, gaslighting and criticising was enough to break me down. It absolutely IS abuse!

Has nothing to do with it being women. I'd say the same for men.

And, sure, many people will tell you that depression is as awful as a "real" illness, too. But if you ask most people if they'd rather have cancer or be depressed, or whether they rather have someone physically beat them enough to need medical care or rather have a few random strangers make rude remarks, I'm pretty sure they'd choose the second option.

To me, it's people who insist on regarding themselves as victims who make themselves miserable.

OMG. Depression can absolutely lead to suicide. Neither cancer or depression is preferable.

Recently had a Sainsbury’s delivery. The delivery driver clocks that we have a couple of quite nice sports cars on the drive. He then says to me whilst my husband is unpacking , “does he let you drive them!?” , clearly referring that my husband must own them and as a woman I will need permission to drive the cars!!
cancelled my delivery subscription a few days later as it sincerely pissed me right off!!

Hope you filled in the feedback request, too, @kitcat83.

Agree. With my ex, I remember thinking I’d rather he punched me in the face. That’s a very clear ‘wrong’ and I wouldn’t have to second guess myself or if I was being too sensitive or whatever. The words over the years broke me down.

Oh for the love of all that is holy.
Alan Rickman died from cancer.
Chester Bennington died from suicide, after fighting mental illness and addiction for years.
Both a loss for their friends and family (and fans), but one much more shocking.
I'd rather die from a physical illness than suicide.

This is a forum mostly populated by women talking on a thread which is about random men making stupid comments to them.

So, yes it has something to do with women.

You seem to be being contrary/offensive for the sake of it. Or just have really ill-informed views on many things.

God, yes I feel exactly the same. At least a punch would have been a clear indicator and I would've been out of the door......but it's the constant second guessing and bending your mind to see things from their point of view that breaks you down over time. A total head f*ck.
I'm so glad he's your "ex" now :) x