To get wound up by random men making stupid, rude comments when I’m visibly struggling in public?

[shutityouduffer]

This gets me so fuming. Name changed.

Today I have no car with me. I have to collect something from the post office as it’s needed for a family holiday, we’re setting off early tomorrow. For reference it’s a tabletop barbecue. It said on the John Lewis website it was 12kg and I thought I’d be ok to pick it up myself.

I get the parcel and it’s massive, i cant get my arms around it, and turns out the gross weight of the package is over 20kg. iThe post office is only a 10-min walk from mine, so I pick it up and attempt to carry it, awkwardly and in 25 degree weather.

Now this bbq has “SHARKNINJA” written on the side of the box. A man walks past, can see I’m struggling. He chooses to say, very loudly at me, “SHARK NINJA.” I say yes, trying to move past him. He then turns to his mate and says “I should’ve kicked it.” Wtf???? it doesn’t even make sense - what goes through this man’s head?

Another incident last week - I’m walking my golden retriever, he’s a puppy not yet neutered, but dogs on both sides of the road take exception to him and start barking at him (happens a lot with unneutered males) so I whisk him out into the road to avoid both sets of dogs. No traffic. He’s a softy and he paws at me, because he’s stressed (he wants to be picked up for reference). Man on the pavement shouts, again with a mate, “are you sure you can handle that dog?” As I’m trying to get him safely back onto the pavement. Again what is the point??? I don’t even acknowledge it and then his mate shouts after me, “he was only joking!”

AIBU to be sent into a rage by these stupid comments? I should say a couple of (different) men offered to help with the package and were very kind, so I have no general vendetta against men. But it’s never women making unasked for, unhelpful and rude comments when I’m already visibly stressed out…

exactly

Some of them may well be lonely, but they are also entitled and stupid. It’s the entitlement and stupidity that is the issue, not the loneliness.

I’m lonely at times. I don’t intrude on strangers by saying random things to people minding their own business.

I had a lovely conversation with a lonely stranger just yesterday. He didn’t intrude, we just happened to get talking through circumstance. We ended up having an intelligent conversation about music that genuinely brightened both our days.

I know he was lonely because of things he said, but it didn’t make him incapable of having manners or sensitivity, or knowing what was appropriate to say to a complete stranger.

Women don’t owe lonely men attention. When men think it’s okay to do this crap, the loneliness is not the issue.

Someone’s been spending a bit too much time online…

What are these replies on?! The OP talked about stupid unhelpful comments. The post wasn’t saying men need to jump in and help left heavy things. Men being helpful has never been the issue, men being total pricks has.

Nor has she suggested that men would be unwelcome if they did offer to help - the other much-quoted stupid trope that I have rarely come across in reality.

Or if you find a way to murder them and dispose of the body

Now this is interesting because men don't make these comments to other random men in real life on the whole, probably due to fear of retribution.

But go onto a diy forum or somewhere predominantly male online and they can be utter twats to each other.

So whilst I think male toxicity is mainly focused on women, I do think they are willing to tear other men down if they think they can do it with impunity.

Oh, but the mate who said ‘’stop it wirh the toxic masculinity’’ probably didn’t mean it, he was probably just being sarcastic, trying to point out that we, women, are overly sensitive and can’t take a joke

When my daughter was small, I had I little camper van. I was a single parent, and we went all over in it. I managed to get an awning for it. Pole type, not easy to put up, but I was quite fit then, and I managed. DD was to young to help.
One really hot, sunny day, we camped at a little, cheap place in Hampshire. Little more than a field with some toilets, as they were the cheaper sites, still lovely though. Few people about....except a bunch of about 4 men, sitting in deckchairs, and drinking, outside a caravan.
They could see I was struggling in the heat. They just sat there watching, laughing and joking between themselves. It was a very good job none of them shouted anything, else they would probably have experienced the full force of my annoyance!! Lol. As it was, I was staying cheerful for my daughter, and to show them!

Oh cuntish men are womens fault are they as well as everythingelse?

Women were abused by men long before feminism at least meant that we can vote.

It's such a fun game when the incels turn up on a thread isn't? They are so subtle it's fun trying to spot them.

I am being sarcastic in case anyone is wondering.

So you don't even actually know what feminism is do you? Feminism is about equity not equality. Women have different needs to men so having exactly the same thing isn't the answer.

And no all facts and figures show women don't get special treatment and frankly you should be super ashamed of yourself for trying to pretend they do when women in Afghanistan aren't even allowed to have their voices heard in public.

What is wrong with you revelling in the oppression of other humans?

What it actually is fairly stupid men telling you that they have value. That you should value them. Yes it is stupid, and sometimes actively nasty.

They haven’t grown up in any kind of house where women were more than an appendage. You can pity their partners if they have them. That will be their life, in all likelihood

Spot on

Utterly clueless

Incels?

Do you see nothing ironic in your exhibiting exactly the type of behaviour complained of in this thread; while suggesting it is in some way your birthright to do so? I think it is quite funny.

The internet has exacerbated it for sure, but these guys have always existed. My dad thought women and feminism and a world that oppressed straight white men were to blame for everyone thinking he was a knob as well.

@Petrolitis Now this is interesting because men don't make these comments to other random men in real life on the whole,

Yes, they do.

probably due to fear of retribution.

What "retribution"? If a man makes horrendous comments to another man, what "retribution" would they receive?

The idea that men are afraid of other men, but not women, is a bizarre myth that exists on this board for seemingly no reason.

To be fair, he didn't say women are treated as equals. Our crime is wanting to be treated as equals.

Maybe if women were all meek & submissive, the overlords would be nice to us? Wait, we have evidence ... [looks at Afghanistan, Iran, all of recorded history]: Nope. May as well carry on pointing out that women are fully human.

I don't think these men are scared of other men as much as they simply don't consider them accessories to their own lives who are there to love and appreciate inane, stupid, inappropriate or patronising comments. They don't think other men are there for their entertainment.

@ThatCyanCat I don't think these men are scared of other men as much as they simply don't consider them accessories to their own lives who are there to love and appreciate inane, stupid, inappropriate or patronising comments. They don't think other men are there for their entertainment.

I'm not really sure where your perspectives come from. It should be common knowledge that men don't give a shit about other men and they do, in some cases, consider other men to be there solely to be berated and humiliated.

Oh love. An (older male) colleague said it to me the day my parent was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Ive never forgotten. Love to you

I'm not really sure where your perspectives come from.

It's really not my fault if you read the entire thread and still can't absorb anything that's been said, to the point where you say stuff like this with absolutely no irony.

However, this does seem to be how you engage on here, so nobody expects you to make an exception now. All I can suggest is that you switch from transmit to receive occasionally, but I don't think you're here for that. 🤷‍♀️

@ThatCyanCat It's really not my fault if you read the entire thread and still can't absorb anything that's been said, to the point where you say stuff like this with absolutely no irony.

There's nothing in this thread which proves that men don't talk like this to other men.

Of course they do. Why would you think otherwise?