To get wound up by random men making stupid, rude comments when I’m visibly struggling in public?

[shutityouduffer]

This gets me so fuming. Name changed.

Today I have no car with me. I have to collect something from the post office as it’s needed for a family holiday, we’re setting off early tomorrow. For reference it’s a tabletop barbecue. It said on the John Lewis website it was 12kg and I thought I’d be ok to pick it up myself.

I get the parcel and it’s massive, i cant get my arms around it, and turns out the gross weight of the package is over 20kg. iThe post office is only a 10-min walk from mine, so I pick it up and attempt to carry it, awkwardly and in 25 degree weather.

Now this bbq has “SHARKNINJA” written on the side of the box. A man walks past, can see I’m struggling. He chooses to say, very loudly at me, “SHARK NINJA.” I say yes, trying to move past him. He then turns to his mate and says “I should’ve kicked it.” Wtf???? it doesn’t even make sense - what goes through this man’s head?

Another incident last week - I’m walking my golden retriever, he’s a puppy not yet neutered, but dogs on both sides of the road take exception to him and start barking at him (happens a lot with unneutered males) so I whisk him out into the road to avoid both sets of dogs. No traffic. He’s a softy and he paws at me, because he’s stressed (he wants to be picked up for reference). Man on the pavement shouts, again with a mate, “are you sure you can handle that dog?” As I’m trying to get him safely back onto the pavement. Again what is the point??? I don’t even acknowledge it and then his mate shouts after me, “he was only joking!”

AIBU to be sent into a rage by these stupid comments? I should say a couple of (different) men offered to help with the package and were very kind, so I have no general vendetta against men. But it’s never women making unasked for, unhelpful and rude comments when I’m already visibly stressed out…

God yes I feel exactly the same :)

Absolutely this!

Oh this would really tick me off. You did well not to tell him to bugger off!

OP YANBU, Its always men making these stupid, unhelpful comments. Most of the time I politely laugh it off but I turned 40 this year and as I get older I have less patience and feel less inclined to be polite in situations like this. No I won't "cheer up/ smile/ whatever'. Leave. Me. Alone.

The ninja thing was a conplete nonevent- a lighthearted jokey comment and 2 men offered to help you? I honestly think tgat youvare the one with the problem?
The dog one does sound belittling, but his friend did apologise for him.
To those who thinknit is only women who make rude comments, i suggest you have never been out with a tantrumming toddler near elderly women!!

Nice way to avoid the issue.

Cute, but that's not the question.
The question would have been: Would you you rather have a physical disease like cancer, which is frightening, may well involve all kinds of pain, which may wreck your family, where there may well be many decisions to make with no good solution, where your control is minimal, with a high chance of death - or would you rather have a mental disease with no physical pain, where you may function well, where there is a strong possibility where you might have some painless options (by "painless" I mean not like radiation/chemotherapy) for good success? It's absurd to imagine that all depression would end in death by suicide.

What the hell has this got to do with stupid comments from random men?

Why would anyone ever need to decide if they would prefer cancer or depression?

This thread has taken a ridiculous diversion.

It has nothing to do with the OP's original story. Other posters got side-tracked, as often happens.

err… the choosing between depression and cancer was your post, not ‘other posters getting side tracked’.

It was my example, when I was objecting to the overuse of "abuse."

yes. I read your posts.

The use of the term abuse was not side tracking in a discussion about men’s behaviour to women in the street.

your reaction to certain behaviours being described as abusive when you don’t think they meet that criteria, by asking people to choose between depression and cancer, a bit of a side track in my view.

Are you going for the insensitivity olympics?

I think you've missed the point. The PP assumed that depression was to be taken lightly but there are cases of depression that literally ruin people's lives....and constant emotional pain can lead to suicide. So we are now comparing cancer to severe depression. Obviously neither would be preferable thank you very much.

I'm what way am I avoiding the issue?? You're very strange and totally missing the point!

I've been suicidal, it fucking sucks. There's a bravery in fighting cancer, not so much depression, judging from the recent thread about self harm. And it's not fucking painless either!

I've never had cancer, (yet,) it's one of the few things that doesn't run in my family. 🙃 Depending on the kind of cancer and how far progressed it is it can be a death sentence or survivable. When I was younger it was 1 in 3 people diagnosed, now it's 1 in 2, the likelihood of me getting it has gone up. So we'll see.

Thanks Evie, at least someone fucking gets it. 🤦🏻‍♀️

I can't believe how someone doesn't get it....they've clearly never suffered to that extent to know how fucking painful it is ..... otherwise they wouldn't make such comments
I get it Sapphire ❤️

That individual seems to not get a lot of things! I'm glad I'm not them.
Thank you. Sounds like you've been through some rough times as well. Life sucks sometimes, so let the good times roll. ❤️

Okay. My overall point is, it seems to me that a lot of people here seem to enjoy upping the ante with self-created melodrama in their lives.

Yes, there ARE cases of depression where it can ruin people's lives. That can be said of a lot of things. But it also needn't be true. As a matter of fact, depression is something else that people often sensationalize, conveniently forgetting that you can be depressed because you were passed over for a promotion, or you can be depressed due to a rare crippling chemical imbalance.

I'm clearly and have always been talking about clinical depression...not a low mood or frustration because you were passed over for promotion.

You can be depressed because you were sexually abused by your dad and as a result of (subconscious) low self worth ended up spending a decade as an adult in a controlling and emotionally abusive relationship. Adverse childhood experiences absolutely shatter your serotonin system and that can lead to a lifetime of challenging mental health difficulties alongside physical challenges such a fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, binge eating, self harm etc....
Nobody should diminish the pain of sexual and emotional abuse and the crippling depression and physical lifelong challenges it can bring.

Absolutely I've been through extremely rough times so speak from experience.... which means I'm so grateful for the little things and don't take peace for granted. Take care ❣️

Oh sweetheart. Most definitely, seeing your other post. Never had anything that awful happen to me, I'm sorry you had to go through that. 💐 You take care as well. ❤️

@MsAmerica As for you, I wish you nothing but warm pillows when you want a cool spot and stones in your shoes forevermore. This was a fun thread until you started derailing it chatting shite about the semantics of abuse and arguing about depression being a 'real' illness. You're either being contrary or have zero imagination or empathy.

Sadly victim blaming is endemic in our society. One form it takes is accusing victims of abuse of ‘having a victim mentality’.

While I do recognise that some people can become unhealthily identified with a victim status, far far more common is victims who both blame themselves, and are blamed by others and society, for what was done to them by a perpetrator.

Part of recovery is putting the blame where it belongs, with the perpetrators.

It’s important to recognise who benefits from a victim blaming culture: perpetrators.