To get wound up by random men making stupid, rude comments when I’m visibly struggling in public?

[shutityouduffer]

This gets me so fuming. Name changed.

Today I have no car with me. I have to collect something from the post office as it’s needed for a family holiday, we’re setting off early tomorrow. For reference it’s a tabletop barbecue. It said on the John Lewis website it was 12kg and I thought I’d be ok to pick it up myself.

I get the parcel and it’s massive, i cant get my arms around it, and turns out the gross weight of the package is over 20kg. iThe post office is only a 10-min walk from mine, so I pick it up and attempt to carry it, awkwardly and in 25 degree weather.

Now this bbq has “SHARKNINJA” written on the side of the box. A man walks past, can see I’m struggling. He chooses to say, very loudly at me, “SHARK NINJA.” I say yes, trying to move past him. He then turns to his mate and says “I should’ve kicked it.” Wtf???? it doesn’t even make sense - what goes through this man’s head?

Another incident last week - I’m walking my golden retriever, he’s a puppy not yet neutered, but dogs on both sides of the road take exception to him and start barking at him (happens a lot with unneutered males) so I whisk him out into the road to avoid both sets of dogs. No traffic. He’s a softy and he paws at me, because he’s stressed (he wants to be picked up for reference). Man on the pavement shouts, again with a mate, “are you sure you can handle that dog?” As I’m trying to get him safely back onto the pavement. Again what is the point??? I don’t even acknowledge it and then his mate shouts after me, “he was only joking!”

AIBU to be sent into a rage by these stupid comments? I should say a couple of (different) men offered to help with the package and were very kind, so I have no general vendetta against men. But it’s never women making unasked for, unhelpful and rude comments when I’m already visibly stressed out…

@shutityouduffer 💐💐💐
I used to run in the early mornings near my home. Saw the same chap some mornings walking his dogs. The first couple of times I wished him a cheery ‘good morning’ as I passed, but he just used to stare at me so I gave up saying anything. After that, whenever I saw him he’d say ‘Still plodding away are you?’ Or something equally belittling.
Twat.
Can’t open his mouth to wish someone a good morning, but he can spare the breath to make them feel bad about themselves.

Headphones. A gift to women

Actually so did I! Though I guess if I was struggling with a 20kg parcel I might not be as quick to see the funny side.

Dim person who can only read out loud? My DC did that when young.

If I can be arsed I tend to act as though I thought they were genuinely Tring to tell me something, say sorry what was that, why, how do you mean, etc etc. Works particularly well for sexist jokes but in general they just have to acknowledge they were saying something mindless.

not sure about that, they've always been tw*ts imho

Calm down sugar tits is a good one.
Or... are you upset about something sweetheart?
Don't be getting 'Himotional '😂

Just laugh in their face... its very gratifying

YNBU I’m just so disheartened to realise how many of these bloody idiots walk amongst us. They don’t seem to mature beyond 12 years

I think the type of men who do this are desperate for attention, so if they can’t get it any other way they resort to stupid, unwanted and mostly very unfunny comments, hoping for a laugh in response, and if they can’t have that, they’ll settle for making you feel uncomfortable.

Recently I was cleaning something at work when a couple of outside contractors walked by and one said “you’ve missed a bit,” like it’s not been said a million times before. I just laughed and said, “really? I didn’t know people still made that joke,” which shut him up without being offensive, ie giving him a reason to call me… whatever. You fill in the blank.

Sharkninja is a massive brand in the affiliate marketing and Tiktok shop scene. It's possible that man and his friend did Tiktok shop for the brand or they were involved in some marketing scheme and he was just using jargon to refer to something his friend knew about.

In what way?

The best way to deal with this is to stop and simply stare them out. See the opening sequence in “Promising Young Woman” when the moronic men try to catcall her. They do this to belittle women and make them feel uncomfortable so you need to face it head on and make them feel uncomfortable instead.

YANBU. My ultimate pet peeve and thing I dread in public is men talking without need. They're either shouting or saying idiotic things or telling you their life story. The most annoying is when they drop hints as if they expect you to ask about them. A man at the till in the supermarket recently turned around to me and said "I bet you're wondering why I'm buying so many loaves of bread" Which I pretended I didn't hear. He then told me he buys them for a local community centre, and as if fed up of waiting for me to ask about it, he huffed and tried to get the cashier to agree how rude I was! Fuck off! I don't give a shit about your 3 loaves of bread! I'm not going to applaud you for spending £2.50 on your local community centre's bread reserves!

... another good response if they shout out is to ask them to keep repeating what they said as if you didn't hear them ... sometimes it works and they hear themselves what a stupid comment it is or they give up. Especially satisfying if they are playing to a crowd 😅

It is a weird lack of impulse control. It’s so strange. Like they think every single thought / opinion they have is valuable and important, and they can’t help but share their superior thought processes with random women. 🙄.

I got three stupid comments from strange men a few years ago when carrying a couple of garden canes home from my mother's house. You can imagine the sort of thing. For reference I am a 52 yr old woman and wasn't in fact dressed in bondage gear, but it doesn't seem to stop them. Twats. Attention seekers desperate to be heard and noticed, as pps have said.

Or the ever useful fuck off. I don’t care if it’s rude sometimes needs must.

"Can’t open his mouth to wish someone a good morning, but he can spare the breath to make them feel bad about themselves"

This just seems to sum up so many men and their casual hatred of women. It's depressing.

I agree but the shark ninja was kinda funny.

Yeah, right!

I also recently witnessed a group of three men, one of whom was a gobshite. Sat next to us in a bar. Two young women came in. They looked early 20s. The gobshite shouted over to one of the young ladies are you really that cold, take it off! Referring to her coat. I just glared at the tosser. Funnily enough he then did the missed a bit when the landlady was wiping down a table and was generally obnoxious and louder than a motorcycle until the fiesty barmaid came over to tell him to shut it or his drink was going over his head and he was going out of the door. He was silent as a mouse after that. Delicious!

I've had comments in a cafe when eating food alone. "You look like your enjoying that?!" and "oh think of the calories!"

I am enjoying it and no I do not care about the calories.

I find telling them to fuck off usually sorts it

"Time of the month is it, darling?"

I wish, I'm 57 and a couple of evenings ago I walked to the local shop to pick up a drink. 2 men came out of a side road and one blew a raspberry and turned to me and said was that you that farted then blew another raspberry and said disgusting bitch. I completely blanked them

While I do agree with a lot of the comments. I would tend to take this story of the man with the bread as a lonely person and would engage with a bit of chit chat. I often think you might be the only person they have talked to for the day/week. Maybe I'm encouraging them!